To give dsd DD’s bedroom?

[dontsayplease]

Teen Dsd will be moving in with us soon full time and indefinitely. I won’t go into details but there are obviously upsetting reasons for this.

Currently when shes stayed overnight (which isn’t very often) she stayed in pre teen DD’s room. I know this isn’t ideal and the long term goal was either loft conversion or ‘granny flat’ - we will be deciding and speeding up the process of this but obviously is going to take time.

She needs her own bedroom now though and the simplest option seems to be to put preteen dd in with younger dd, they do get on but she has said she doesn’t want to do this.
She would rather let dsd move in with her but I don’t think this will work for either of them.

Would we be unreasonable to tell dd she has to give up her room and share with younger sister for the next few months?

If the two older ones are happy to share why not test run it and see how it goes? Might help DSD to have her half sister with her.

You seem to be worried about what could go wrong but maybe give it a go?

Younger DD is going to be put out but your right to prioritise the most vulnerable one . X

They normally are happy to share, at the moment dsd doesn’t want to come at all and we’re not predicting her arrival to go smoothly (not her fault).

Until things die down a bit I want to protect dd from witnessing or feeling she has to deal with dsd’s upset even if that’s what she thinks she wants. If things calm we can/will regularly reassess.

Ah ok, that’s a fair point. Maybe sell it as that. That DSD needs a settling in period and you’ll reassess in 4 weeks?

Move DD 8 into DD11's room that has a bathroom. Less of a downgrade but DSD still gets her own space.

It’s lovely that you’re thinking carefully for DSD.
Given the upheaval she is facing, I wonder if continuing with what ‘usually’ happens when she stays short-term would be best so it doesn’t all feel odd - she shares with DD1 this weekend - and you or DH talk with her in the early days about the longer term plans and gauge how she feels.

Not many. But to lose to her half sister and her bedroom will upset her

Has anyone asked dsd what she wants

to share with 11yr as normally does

or own room

and make clear it’s not set in stone

(though I'm not personally convinced that small children should sleep alone ever)

Why?

If you can fit 2 in each room then surely as your eldest dd is going to have to share, as a compromise she can keep her room and her younger sister move in with her.