To give dsd DD’s bedroom?

[dontsayplease]

Teen Dsd will be moving in with us soon full time and indefinitely. I won’t go into details but there are obviously upsetting reasons for this.

Currently when shes stayed overnight (which isn’t very often) she stayed in pre teen DD’s room. I know this isn’t ideal and the long term goal was either loft conversion or ‘granny flat’ - we will be deciding and speeding up the process of this but obviously is going to take time.

She needs her own bedroom now though and the simplest option seems to be to put preteen dd in with younger dd, they do get on but she has said she doesn’t want to do this.
She would rather let dsd move in with her but I don’t think this will work for either of them.

Would we be unreasonable to tell dd she has to give up her room and share with younger sister for the next few months?

Time to get creative.

can the room have a temp divider? Can you divide the biggest room (yours?) and you and husband take smaller room? Is there a dining room you can convert?

Are younger kids your husbands? If not, can he live separately with his DD while she heals?

If you do move your DD then get some time limits in place. Any granny flat etc will take more than a few months.

Seems sensible to me. She’ll have a lot of change and is already a teenager so she needs her space and privacy. It’s a short-term fix that’ll mean a lot to your DSD and the younger ones need to understand that it’s to help their sister. It sounds like she’s already been through enough.

Would it be possible for your step daughter to have your room temporarily and you and DH camp out in the living room? I say this only as it’s likely your DD will feel resentful at having to give up her room and that won’t help relations in the longer term. It’s not unreasonable to have her do so though if there is no choice.

Our room is the same size has DD’s.

it could have a temporary divide but I think it just wouldn’t be a good idea for them to be that close. Dsd needs her own 4 walls and a door.

all children are dh’s

Could you do something nice for your DD if she moves in with her younger sister temporarily, e.g. let her decorate her room when she moves back into it?

How old is the youngest? Can they go in with you whilst the building works are done?

Would something like this work?

You would not be unreasonable. You can explain to your DD why as well. Just make it about a hurt teenager needing privacy for recovery rather than not wanting to share with DD.

No way should the existing kids be pushed aside for DSD. It will be well over a year before any extension or loft conversion is available.

The one that moves should get first choice on which bedroom they want when the loft is converted.

Yes. This.

A younger DD might be more up for a bit of a fun place to sleep for 4 months. A pre-teem used to their own space not so much.

Why?

Can you move youngest into your bedroom temporarily?

You dont have two reception rooms by any chance.
Putting dining room furniture in storage for a year is relativly cheap even if it means a downstairs bedroom.

How old are the children? What rooms do you have in your house?

Split one of the bigger rooms into two and put your two in there, then put dsd into the smaller room. Then everyone has a similar amount of space.

It's their older half sister, it's not like the OP is moving her new boyfriends kid in who they've only met a couple of times.

How old are all the girls? Is there a large gap between your two daughters? Pre-teen is quite a sensitive age and she may not want to share with a much younger sibling. She will also have no privacy until a loft conversion or a granny flat is built.

This could lead to her greatly resenting her half-sister moving into her home and disrupting her life.

What could you do the mitigate the impact on your pre-teen daughter?

DSD is an "existing kid" too, she didn't just appear like Dawn in Buffy.

How old are they all?

it appears DSD has been through something quite traumatic? Perhaps losing her Mum.(in one way or another) & is now having to live with her dad when she hasn't spent much time staying with you or staying with you. So yes, I'd be prioritising her feelings right now. It's difficult to know without knowing how old they all are, but do you think DSD would rather have her own room or do you think she'd actually rather share?

If you think she'd rather have her own room, then I would give her the smallest bedroom, on her own & the girls can share the middle one might not want to, but that's tough really, you currently don't have enough bedrooms for them all to have their own and DD needs to understand that right now her older half sister NEEDS her own room and a lot of understanding.

Younger dd is 8.
Dh works very late and sleeps in the morning. It wouldn’t be simple for him to sleep downstairs or have a child in his bed but I an option if dd really protests.

I guess I’m kind of thinking that yes it will be a big sacrifice for dd and of course she will be rewarded for that but also it’s not going to hurt her and it’s a good thing to learn you have to sometimes be understanding and make sacrifices for others.

I think you need to explain to DD that teenage DSD needs her own room for privacy at her age. Make it clear this is a temporary arrangement and work quickly to sort out an alternative, loft conversion etc. Sometimes we have to make decisions as adults that our kids are not happy with, that's just part of being the adult and parent.

She's an existing kid in the family but not in OP's household. It will be a big upheaval for all the children and the needs of all the children need to be taken into consideration.

A room divider between pre-teen and younger Dd in one room.

And get on with a fast loft conversion asap. Tell pre-teen Dd that it is for a short while and then she will have super-dooper room upgrade / new loft room.

You get to make the decisions, not pre-teen dd . Though I understand that she might feel resentful etc- just support her through that and ensure she doesn't feel de-prioritised as Dsd's needs are also met.