AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

No, the gromms has had o,enty of time to sort out childcare if he already knew

It's cheeky fuckery. The in laws can child mind for 2 weeks if they're so keen on a couple with an 8 year old having a "proper honeymoon".

Yes, the groom's family can complete their gift by including childcare, rather than being magnanimous with your time off.

No. It's not your responsibility.

How many times does your sister get married? Would it really hurt to help family out?

You dont sound close to your sister. The wedding stressed you, and her "child" is actually your niece or nephew. Words matter. You sound like they're the neighbours kids. So you arent close to him or her either. Tbh you dont sound like a close family at all from how you describe it 😂
maybe there are some unresolved issues? Assuming no health issues etc with the niece or nephew or yourselves, typically that'd be a great gift to your sister.
I absolutely love mine and my sister so it wouldn't even be a question for me to look after them, that'd be a gift to me! If they're such a nuisance to you then don't do it of course but I guess also accept this isn't typically what a close knit family would do...

Could you mot share the childcare arrangements. I’d love to have a sister to do this for

Definitely this!

That is exactly what my husband has said.

‘Sorry I don’t mind having her for a weekend but not a whole week. We have things planned’

or ‘ unfortunately that won’t work as we have stuff booked in that week as we’ve got it off work’

This is why getting married before you have kids is a good plan!

I would help my sister out in these circumstances, but I don’t think YABU by saying no. Your relationship with your sister may never recover though.

Hurt, no, but I’m shattered and we just want 2 weeks to relax.

Could you help for a few days? A week or two is a big ask

If the in laws will have the child for a week, and they have gifted the holiday, then the should go for a week. I mean, they can have a perfectly lovely holiday in a week.

I do feel for the child too tbh, they will have had no time to get used to the idea of Mum and Dad going away. Two weeks is too long to leave an 8 year old anyway.

Way too short notice. What did the in laws think would happen with the child?

Surely childcare should be provided by the holiday giver ?

Quite. It's not much of a 'gift' if means imposing on other family members, and possibly creating bad feeling. It's fine to ask for childcare but it has to be done in a timely way and allowing the other person to say no - except in emergencies, which this is not.

They are being unreasonable. A couple of nights maybe but a week is not reasonable. Also they sound a bit silly when they call it a proper honeymoon given they have an 8 year old child.

This!
your sister needs to get over herself here
her child
her responsibility

How selfish of him and his parents not to think of the child. That is certainly not a gift, it's a bit of a kick in the teeth. I'd be pissed off with him if I was the bride.

This

How much did your sister babysit your kids? How much babysitting have you done recently?

I'd maybe offer a weekend or a day in each week, something to break it up for the in laws if they're older. But definitely not your responsibility.

It would be a no from me too op! Honestly a proper honeymoon? That’s usually something you do before kids …

I agree with your husband and that’s exactly what you should say to them.

Who on earth plans this kind of surprise without working out and agreeing the childcare before revealing the surprise? That’s just piss poor planning (or it’s manipulative….)

Once you have children, you need to accept that a wedding and honeymoon won’t be the same dreamy, relaxed, child-free experience you would’ve had before kids.

It’s great if family offers to give you some time off, but the assumption would be that you go away together as a family. Where is the holiday home, why do they have to go for 2 weeks? Perhaps they go alone for a week and child joins them for the second week.