AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

Kind of your sister to offer, but would you have asked for a weeks babysitting?

It can’t be simultaneously unreasonable for OP’s sister to look after her OWN child on holiday and unreasonable for OP to say that it’s too big an ask for her holiday to be taken up with looking after said child.

The “honeymoon” train kind of left the station long ago… she has a child. She presumably already lives with her husband. He sounds like he wants the girl to go with them.

I’m shattered with having a full time job and having just survived GCSE period. Would be a hell no from me without having helped your sister organised a stressful wedding on top of it!! Two weeks notice as well is madness.

It’s a nope to the in laws - too short notice and you have plans. They can either have a delayed honeymoon during term time where it is ‘just’ after school and a weekend each as well as sufficient notice, or take the DD, or cut it short to a week that in laws are able to cover.

I'm glad your DH is on the same page, it's as much his holiday with your DC as yours; something some posters have conveniently forgotten.
Stick to your guns, it just ain't happening!
Ignore the in-laws.

YANBU. Who wants to spend two weeks away from their 8 year old anyway? That's not why you have children IMO.

DH and I didn't have even one night away together alone until our DC were late teens. We didn't want to.

Groom thought the child was going with them.

So presumably, did the grooms parents.

But sister wants the two weeks and has dropped this on you. That would be a no from me.

But why say the grooms parents want this to happen? From your update, its all about your sister.

Oh I'm sorry I'd misunderstood. It sounds like your sister is being bridezilla about the honeymoon then too - surely once you've got children (or are just, you know, not a teenager anymore) you accept that weddings and honeymoons aren't an idyllic Instagram version. I could understand if she'd asked for a couple of nights, but honestly it sounds really sad for your niece that your sister wants two weeks away from her. That is a long time at that age; young enough to still idolise parents and old enough to understand they've been left.

How far is this holiday home? Would you offer to ferry niece from first week of honeymoon to SIL as your contribution?

For my sisters honeymoon I’d babysit my niece.

Your sisters child is your dear niece. It wouldn't hurt you to put yourself out for 1 week of your 2 week holiday.

What about OP's husband and children? It's their holiday too. Do they have a say?

The holiday home is in France.

If they gifted the honeymoon, it's the in-laws responsibility for child care. Or you niece goes with her parents. Nothing to do with you, don't feel bad.

Lol, having children does not make you stop being a person who wants time on their own or with a partner.

You do not speak for everyone.

It’s not a honeymoon- it’s a post wedding holiday, they’ve been together 9 years and likely more.

Your sister is a CF. From your updates, you have been there for her and your niece with regular childcare to save them money, babysitting and stepping up for the wedding. You do not need to do this, you sound like great sister.

As your sister wasn't expecting a honeymoon - this goes back to the in-laws. They look after their granddaughter. If two weeks is too much for them, then your sister can go for a week come back for her child and let the second week go.

Out of interest, why did the MIL call you? And what did you say when she said 'You can sort this out between you and let them have a lovely honeymoon?'. Such a bloody cheek.

Her in laws should have included childminding as part of the gift. Did her now husband not raise it with his family. They seem.very entitled.

Tell them you and your husband are planning a 2nd honeymoon for yourselves during your time off - home and away.

You mentioned in one of your posts about your sister coping with her own baby and toddler. Where is the other child?

As pp have said, it's not really a honeymoon. They can take the child..

You have misunderstood that post. She was coping with a baby and toddler back then, when my kids were younger, so she didn’t look after my children. It was in answer to another poster asking if my sister looked after my children in the past.

I’m old school too. You get to have a proper honeymoon if you marry before any children arrive.

I think you are thinking what I am thinking: "why do they need a proper honeymoon?"

Wasn't it traditionally for the bride and groom to work out how it's all done away from family and servants? Someone with an 8 year surely grasps it all!

I think once you have children, you need to cut some of the bells and whistles from the whole wedding tradition and just get on with parenting again tbh.

Groom should have sorted out childcare

2w without their child is a long time. A weeks honeymoon is plenty when have kids and commitments

that was my first thought. I mean if the honeymoon was a surprise gift, I am assuming the child didn't know either and she is now going to be parked on a family member or passed around like an inconvenient puppy. I am a bit shocked at the groom not at least insisting that the bride should be told so that at very least, she could prepare her daughter for the surprise ("surprise! we are going on holiday and leaving you here!!") Not a great start to family building.

I think it's a long time and don't understand why she can't go with them. It's nearly summer holidays.

YANBU, some pp seem to be ignoring all the things you have done to help and are focusing on the one thing you are saying no to.