AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

🙄🙄🙄

Having been parents for a while or not all know it be a totally different vibe being on duty with child in tow. Not unheard of that siblings step in to let happy couple enjoy their honeymoon. Society imho (just my view so no pile on needed) becoming really selfish.

Ohhhh so your sister is the one taking the piss.

Have a lovely two weeks relaxing with your husband. Your niece will love her fortnights holiday with her mum and dad. Even if it’s only her dad who wants her there 🤷‍♀️.

Just needing ‘a bit of help’? Where have you got that from. They have said they need the OP to do at least a week herself!

I might sounds terribly old fashioned but if you want a honeymoon without children, then get married before you start a family….

Posters are suggesting OP do a weekend or a few days

Nope. You've said no and now the "sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us"? It's not their call. Your time, your decision.

"her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home" - their gift, they can 'complete' it with childcare.

Or, your sister can take her child on holiday with them, as her fiance expected.

It's a very big ask, two weeks childcare at short notice - does your sister have form for expecting everyone to dance attendance on her?

Could they go for a week as couple only and then a week with the child? Sorry, I missed where the hol home is and maybe that isn't a viable option. Otherwise, I think offering a day per week to give in laws a break is enough. If you'd had notice you might have done more, but you've already made plans...

I think the grandparents could have her for the first week, and then she joins her parents on holiday for the second. Don't see why you should lose your holiday. The problem to my mind, is that you don't have specific plans, so they think you're free effectively

You could say "No, we're going away as a family. We booked this holiday at the last minute because we all needed a break and some time together. We hope you understand." What can she say to that.

Even older school here where you don’t dump your young child on family members at the last minute when they have a much-needed holiday.

Your sister is being ridiculous and selfish. She's obviously been with her partner for years if they have an 8 year old together so no need for a honeymoon.

The drama has been off the scale. Being fair, the wedding is massive and is costing a fortune, but my sister has become a bit of a bridezilla. Her in laws are very particular. They want the wedding to impress and my sister is feeling the pressure. It’s honestly my worst nightmare but I’ve gone along with it as I do want my sister to be happy. I will be very glad when it is over.

I think you are a bit unreasonable. They only get one honeymoon, you could still take a few days with your DH whilst his GPs have her and have the other week. I'd feel that my sisters honeymoon was more important than me having a full 2 weeks with DH.

Haven’t RTFT but I wonder what your niece wants to do. At age 8 I wouldn’t have wanted 2 weeks away from my mum and dad

If you give an inch, some people will take a mile. If the OP gives in now, there's every chance she'll end up having her there for most, if not all, of the holiday.

Don’t be emotionally blackmailed into saying yes to childcare.

It's a bit odd that the parents want a break from an 8 year old child and by the sound of it they only have one child.
It isn't entirely up to Op.
My Mil in law used to mind her nieces for 2 weeks during the summer and it pissed the whole house off.
My fil then started going to the pub straight after work and coming home at bedtime.
He said he wasn't coming home from work to listen to somebody else's kids.
Eventually Mil understood how he felt.
She used to expect him to take annual leave same time as her.

Surely the gift giver should have had childcare sorted before announcing the holiday gift? Seeing as, you know, the couple has A CHILD.

Why are the in laws contacting you and trying to strong arm you? Tell them to get lost.

I had this with my sister when her kids were young, some 10-15 years ago, but on an ongoing basis. I was working my backside off in Central London, trying to move forward at work, trying to run my flat on my own, and was usually out of the house (working) and trying to meet a man to settle with, too. She kept asking to drop them off with me so she could "just have a rest / have a wine in peace / feel normal again" etc. I did help out but nowhere as much as she would have liked.

Other people's kids are really, really hard work, especially when you have raised your own (as I had, as a young single mother).

Well given he knew about this ‘gift’, and it was on the basis that daughter goes with them then that’s what should happen.

worse that your sis happy to ditch her during school holidays whilst they swan off somewhere.

theres no such thing as a ‘proper’ honeymoon when you are parents.

does she often ditch her daughter in favour of herself?

What a bizarre situation. So the groom (who is your niece’s DF?) assumed the child would be there. Fair enough. And her mum is more focused on a ‘proper’ 2 week honeymoon without her DD?presumably the DD has been a part of the wedding celebrations and will want to feel a part of it.

As others have asked.. where is this holiday home? (Sorry if I have missed where) .. UK or overseas?

Surely the most obvious solution (if it’s uk or close enough in Europe) Is they have a week to themselves. If you are willing to then you have her for 3 nights, which still leaves you 11 days for your own break and the in-laws who have been so generous with their gifting also look after their grandchild for 4 nights and see that she gets to their holiday home to join her parents for the 2nd week.

I understand her wanting a bit of child free time but expecting 2 weeks when you have DC is really pushing it. I’d feel pretty guilty doing that but would want a few days if possible.

I had initially assumed it was the groom’s parents that were BU but if they thought that the DD was going so didn’t consider childcare then that’s not unreasonable. It’s your sister that is BU and a CF imo

If you want a 'proper honeymoon' you get married before you have children. Let the in-laws have their granddaughter for 2 weeks or the parents should take her with them. Two weeks is a long time to leave an 8 year old singleton anyway.

Just say 'sorry but we've already made loads of plans for my annual leave.'

Super close to my sister and we helped each other a lot when the children were younger. Absolutely no way would i have my neice or nephew (who i love like my own) for 2 weeks unless someone was in hospital.

A weekend is a big favour, a week or 2 is taking the piss. As if you and dh want to use 2 weeks annual leave to be childcare.

Yanbu.

This is the way it works when you choose to have babies first and the marriage/honeymoon second. You didn’t make that choice for her.

Oh come off it with the faux “how odd”. It’s not odd at all. Everyone on these boards does that all the time. We’re all strangers.

I think it’s cheeky too OP. I’d go with the suggestion to take your niece for a couple of nights but say you have plans for the rest of the time.

My sister offered to look after my 9 year old DS so I could go in honeymoon. I'd have done the same for her. Your sisters child is your dear niece. It wouldn't hurt you to put yourself out for 1 week of your 2 week holiday.