AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

I would have hated to not see my 8 year old child for 2 weeks for a holiday. Tell them to take their daughters with them, shes going to feel rejected

They cleared it with their son and he said it would be fine. They have left their child for 2 weeks before.

Bollocks. Selfish parents, stupid thoughtless in laws.

Maybe I'm sour, but a) we didn't get gifted a honeymoon, b) its been 15 years and we've still not had a honeymoon, c) we wouldn't have dreamt of dumping our kids (nor asking anyone to take them) to have gone on one.

YANBU.

Edited because of mega awful grammar

Absolutely no way would I do this, sorry siblings.

I honestly wouldn't offer a weekend in the middle etc like some posters are suggesting. Wouldn't trust the in-laws to take her back and not try to force you to keep her, since if they wanted to be doing the childcare, that would have been the original plan.

Hm so I came on expecting to be on team 'you should do it'. I should say my sister is my best friend and I adore her kids and would be utterly delighted to have them for any length of time just to get to look at their lovely little faces all day...

I digress...

But yeah in this case I just think it's taking the mick. This is a gift from the in laws, and the fiancé knew about it. He should have sorted the childcare! His parents can't give 2 weeks away as a gift and not think about childcare?

Given it's a family property maybe they just do one week as a 'proper' honeymoon if that's all the in laws can have her for?

To be honest my kids are similar age and I wouldn't dream of leaving them for 2 weeks anyway. I'd miss them too much. That's a whole third of the poor child's summer holiday without her parents.

We would do a couple of days but no more. My sisters in-laws run their own business and that isn’t enough. They want us to do at least a week which we’re not going to.

Poor child she must feel an inconvenience to her parents. I can't imagine leaving a child for 2 weeks to go off on holiday. Sorry op your sister seems very entitled and selfish (edited as turns out husband to be actually wanted ti take their child)

I’ve got an 8 year old girl, no way could i leave her for 2 weeks even with family. Who wants a holiday that long without their child?
I think it’s a huge ask of you and very cheeky.

Tell them it's a babymoon and you actually take your child with you to celebrate 🍾

And you can't babysit. You're booked in for something else that fortnight.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us

The absolute bloody nerve of them. Tell them there is no “us”. They booked it, they’re responsible for childcare, you’re not available. Some people 🤦‍♀️

I'm a bit bemused as to why this wasn't discussed earlier

Wow sorry to be judgy mcjudgerson but leaving an 8 year old for 2 weeks is really a lot! Maybe if they're like one and don't know what's going on, or 18 and can fend for themselves. But at 8 they're there wondering what they did wrong that they got NFI'd on holiday?

The in laws can mind the child or the groom should have organised childcare, but really, why dont they take the child with them.
You have your dh to think of too.
It's not his niece and you have planned a relaxing time.
If it was your dh sisters child you wouldn't be expected to babysit
.
No way would i spend my annual leave minding somebody else's child and remember your dh gets a say too

Well politely point out that they should have run it by you before making the gift. Bloody cheeky to assume things from others.

Calm down. Old school here that siblings where possible help each other 🙄

My sisters partner was fully expecting that their child went with them. It’s my sister that wants to go without her.

Your use of language is weird. Constantly referring to "their child" - isn't that your neice?

Aren't the in laws, your niece's grandparents? I think it would be ok for them to have them, or their child could go with them.

Don't the in laws let them use the holiday home otherwise? Don't the in laws want to spend time with their granddaughter? Don't you want a relationship with your neice?

I feel for the 8 year old! 2 weeks is a long long time to be away from your child.

How would you feel if your dh decided to mind a niece or nephew during your annual leave.
It doesn't matter who's doing the actual minding , it affects the whole house.
Your teenager too

My thoughts also. I do travel with work and stuff but even if I'm on the other side of the world I'll fly back for weekends because I'd miss them too much. Deffo up for a cheeky kids free weekend but anything longer than 4 nights I'd just miss them?

So despite there being two parents in law and at least two sisters in law, they still want to divide up the last minute honeymoon childcare so YOU are doing over half of it, despite already saying no?

They are all complete piss takers! What have you replied?

I would be cautious about offering to help a few days, I can see ILs just needing a bit of help, could she come for an afternoon, can 8year old go out with your DD etcetc

Ah. Oh well, that’s his problem then to sort. Maybe your sister just can’t have what she wants.