AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

I feel for the 8 year old
they can go for 1 week with PIL looking after grandchild and then 8 year old gets to go for the second week to spend with her parents

The in-laws that gifted the holiday can do the babysitting.

I'd do this for my siblings

I would do this. Even a week is a big ask but I’d be happy to he’ll for a few days in the OPs situation.

Can’t in laws have her for a week then you could offer to drive her to holiday home for the last week? Two weeks seems a long time to be leaving their child for.

I'd let the in-laws know that they are very kind to gift a holiday and childcare for a week and maybe your sister needs to shorten her plans to enjoy the holiday for the period of time the in-laws can babysit as you have your own plans and unable to help with your niece.

You’ve made plans for your two weeks leave from work so simply aren’t available to care for your niece. I wouldn’t feel any guilt whatsoever.

Or the in-laws who don’t have young children of their own to consider and are presumably retired could drive her? Why should the OP who has children of her own, a full time job and a busy life to consider offer this when it was the in laws who have gifted the holiday in the first place.

This 😂

Disagree with the majority. If not your sister then who!?

The groom to be has known about this for some time and it hasn’t occurred to him, or any of them, to plan childcare for the poor abandoned child?!

Did your sister assume you’d be jumping for joy at childminding for a fortnight for your summer holiday at the last minute, just so she could spend her own fortnight childfree and shagging?

I really feel the in laws should have considered childcare before offering this gift.

What were they thinking? I completely see where you are coming from. The groom and his parents have decided that the bride and groom’s right to a holiday trumps yours. Which may have been fine if you had known in advance and not booked your annual leave and made your own plans.

If this is the groom’s parents holiday house could they change the booking to term time to make it easier?
it is not about not providing childcare it’s the timing and the assumption that you will be available. It is pretty crappy that the groom knew but waited to ask.

HOWEVER…
it is their wedding. These people have clearly been talking about you and you are now in a spot. By saying no this might be held against you by the B&G that their honeymoon was spoiled. This is completely unfair and the groom and his parents are a bunch of CF.

Mean and selfish aunt imo.

Yanbu - you have plans! Since you already do a lot of childcare it's not unreasonable to want your own two weeks of holiday to yourselves and not be minding another child. Dad should have sorted childcare, since he knew it was going to be needed and not just relied on the women in the family to rearrange their own lives to accommodate his!

Who ever booked the 'surprise' is responsible for the child care!

I would probably say I'd made plans, but equally, how can someone else's wedding be so stressful?!

They should take their child with them.

The couple been together for years and have a child, it's not like they'll want their honeymoon to be intimate together for the first time.

They weren't even going to bother with a honeymoon until offered one 🤷🏻‍♀️

The child’s own parents!

Or the in laws who have organised the whole holiday.

It’s absolutely fine if people want to offer childcare so a couple can honeymoon alone. But the OP hasn’t offered.

Absolutely not. The couple want a 2 week holiday without her, so they would be hypocrites to not understand why you and your husband want your 2 weeks off together without her too.
By "proper" honeymoon, i assume they mean lots of sex and no responsibilities, what if you and your husband want to spend your rare time off together doing exactly that? Not to mention you've planned practical stuff that needs doing, your kids are 15+ and can make themselves scarce or help, an 8 year old would need actively caring for, getting in the way of the stuff you need to do, and especially the stuff you want to do.

Whoever "gifted" the holiday, does the childcare, or they take their daughter with them. This is on the groom who knew and made no plans.

Isn't it a bit presumptuous of in laws to assume your sister and fiance want a two week wedding without their child? I could understand if it were maybe a long weekend away, but I can't think of many parents who would want to go away without their child for that long. Fantasise about it when they're driving you mad, of course, but two weeks away from your child is a long time!

Thanks for telling me I’m not exhausted. 😂 I work full time, my sister has asked for a lot of help with the wedding, I’ve looked after her child a lot while she sorts wedding stuff, I have my own kids and I have other commitments too. Would you like a list so you can tell me whether I should feel tired or not? 😂😂

No, not unreasonable to say no at all. Do not feel guilty!
Its very short notice, and you have plans.

However - I do think it would be nice to offer 2 (or even 3 days/ 2 nights) ? Especially if you genuinely love your niece. No need to, but would be lovely of you

It was very presumptuous of the in-laws and groom to make these plans without talking to you first.

IF you’re feeling generous, you could offer to have your niece for the weekend in the middle to give in laws a break, but apart from that it’s their problem.

Just no!! I wouldn't entertain this suggestion and I wouldn't feel bad about it. Honeymoons are different when you already have children and they can't just palm their child off so they can have a bloody honeymoon for 2 weeks. 1 week will be fine,I'm sure and the in laws can watch their granddaughter/niece etc

Exactly, the time to get married if they wanted a 'proper honeymoon' was 9 years ago.