AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

[NotHappyFamilies]

My sister is getting married in just over 2 weeks. I have helped her to organise her wedding and looked after her child when she has been to appointments and had wedding things to sort out. It’s a big wedding, she’s found it all quite stressful so I have done what I can to help.

I have booked 2 weeks off after her wedding because I feel like I need the rest after all the stress and I have leave to use. My husband and I are going away for 2 nights but we plan to chill out at home, get some things done around the house, go out for meals, have an evening at the theatre and just spend some time together.

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

We presumed they would take their child with them but yesterday they asked if we would have her when they’re away so they get a proper honeymoon. I must have looked horrified as my sister said maybe in-laws could have her for one week so could we just have her for one week.

I have said no as my husband and I also want to spend time together. My sisters child is 8 and although she is lovely, we’ll have to entertain her. Our children are older so don’t require looking after and we have had a stressful few months with GCSEs and the wedding prep. We just want to relax. My husband has also said absolutely no way.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Are we being unreasonable?

I second that
Since when have people..who you aren't related to...been cavalier with your time..
Their surprise..their problem.

Sounds like Bridezilla sis needs a bloody reality check.

You’ve more than enough on your plate OP - stick to your guns on this. With the amount of babysitting from yourself, your DC and god knows who else, sounds like your sister palms off her DD as often as she can.

Your sister needs to get over herself and take her kid on holiday.

Poor child

I just hope the child doesn't overhear any conversations about family not wanting her there. It must be hard enough that they are not taking her with them.

Say that you’ve actually cancelled your leave and don’t tell them you didn’t.

Yes shame for the child that her own mother doesn’t want her there. Horrible woman.

She should be so grateful she’s been gifted a honeymoon! Honestly, how entitled is your sister?! If the in laws can’t help she takes her daughter with her.

The only answer the OP needs to give is 'sorry, can't help, we're on holiday then too'

The only answer the OP needs to give is 'sorry, can't help, we're on holiday then too'

^ This. I think this is the perfect example of give someone an inch and they take a mile. So the OP has helped her sis loads over the years and especially with this wedding and the ungrateful response is 'just this one more little favour pleeease'.

I'd just shut it down as above and ignore any more approaches by the in laws (and I'd think a little less of your sister).

This nails it: the op is trying to be on holiday too.

She has been working hard, the son has been working hard for gcses.

All the bride has done is have a big party because she now is married to ... someone she was basically married to.

Why does that holiday trump the others?

And it isn't just about "being nice" to the Dsis. It's about what's appropriate as a message to the child - who should be getting the message she is an integral part of the new family set-up being celebrated. It seems like even the father thought that too.

Your message should be directed at OP's sister and not at OP. OP's sister has never looked after or even babysat OP's kids but OP did a day's child care every week for her sister until her niece started school together with regular babysitting.

OP is also a carer for her MIL. She is very family orientated, unlike her sister. Her sister's fiance expected to take their daughter on their honeymoon. It's OP's sister that is insisted on leaving her at home.

OP's sister is reaping what she has sown.

@THisbackwithavengeance the “bride” gets to dump her daughter for a whole fortnight while the aunt (who works, cares within the family and has done a lot in the lead up to this event) is neither normal nor family oriented and will reap what she sows?? Sure that’s the right way round?

Tbh I would jump at the chance to have my nieces for a week or two, they are delights.

saying that, in the wider context, yanbu to say no.

Surely part of this offer should be childcare though?

I don’t see why you’d be obliged to cover for this holiday that the in laws have planned (and not consulted you on for childcare first!)

I am once again begging people to read the OP's posts.

The groom was expecting to bring their DD with them. He is not an idiot man (though I don't deny those exist!)

It's fine to say no. You don't feel up to it.

What would be the arrangement in SILs and parents shared the childcare and maybe they only went away for a week so a sort of compromise ? I do think 2 weeks away from your 8 yr old is a bit much even for a honey moon a week is plenty .

Is it abroad op or UK ?

Agree the ILs are probably just as taken aback the bride cannot accommodate her child and have stretched to one week of babysitting they didn't expect to have to offer, hoping the other might get covered by the other side of the family.

It is the bride being unreasonable here. Everyone else has helped with her wedding, offered her free accommodation in France and DH has offered to take the child with them.

How some people come to the conclusion that OP is selfish, but not the mother of this child whose job it is to look after her own child, is laughable
Let's not forget that it's the child's father – whose job it also is to look after his own child – who just said yes to the holiday cottage and thought it would all just 'be fine' about their daughter.

She’s already said it’s in France.

True, but they want everything! Now now now!

No he was assuming they’d take her with them! It’s OP’s sister suggesting they leave her behind.

Which it would've been if they'd taken her with them, as was his original plan.