No party bag for DS

[girlmummy25]

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

This really doesn’t matter. Why do people not have the ability to shake this sort of minor issue off anymore?

The OP is an adult, though. She doesn’t have a ‘little brain’. Being ‘attuned’ to your children does not mean entering into their tantrums! The OP is being a drama llama, and is teaching her children that this is fine. The appropriate adult response is to minimise, distract and remove, not to storm out.

My kids now older but I didn’t do party bags, we bought book bundles from the book people and gave a book each and a slice of cake. Most other families in my DCs classes copied as the parents also hate plastic rubbish. When younger cousins came the books may not have been suitable eg fairy princess book ok for girls ages 7-10 less so for 3 year old boy.

Annoying yes. Something to get this angry over. Really not. Never mind kids, sometime things go wrong and there aren't enough. Let's look for a lolly/cake/sweets in the kitchen. I wonder if SIL really wanted to invite them or if it was family pressure.

She didn't enter into their tantrums. She understood her children's distress, and took them away from it. As I said it means very little to an adult but a child would see it as rejection, and very unfair.. and as we know unfairness to a child is a cardinal sin.
Leaving may not be what your adult, socially minded brain would suggest, but she wanted to protect her children from more distress. Differing viewpoints.

Children of all ages can have things explained to them in a breezy tone that reduces the upset in these kinds of situations. “Oh Auntie Ethel had a problem with the party bags and I said you’d be nice to her and not take one so that all of cousin Bernard’s friends could get one and she was so happy with you helping her like that. I said we’d go to the shop and buy a magazine / sweet / slime instead”.

OP hasn't embarassed herself at all. Of course a three year old will be upset when every other child has a party bag and they have been deliberately left out.

'Get a grip' is the mantra of posters with no empathy or emotional intelligence.

Unless the PIL or SIL find out she was angry - then I think she probably has embarrassed herself. Massive difference between I took DS home as he was upset (reasonable) vs I’m angry myself.

I don't think that that's what the OP meant. If I understand correctly, there never was a party bag for her son, whereas there supposedly was one for the daughter, but it went astray.

In other words, there was no consideration for the son at all.

The people who'd be fine with this are probably people who don't give a shit about their own kids. ie. Crap parents

My son wouldn't be arsed about a party bag. He's 8 going on 18!

Most kids don't like to be excluded though no matter how much they really like the crappy party bag it's never a nice feeling.

The people who would be fine with this are secure adults, who are not enmeshed with their own children's social lives, and who would acknowledge that sometimes trifles get overlooked or mismanaged, and that, as this was a cousin's party and the OP's two children are much younger and invited primarily because they're family, that it's most obvious they should take the 'hit'.

A secure parent would minimise and distract if their children were upset, not throw a tantrum, modelling to a four year old and a seven year old that this is normal behaviour when there's a perception of a slight.

She should have had some sweets for your DS but I wouldn’t have assumed a party bag - they are usually tailored to the party, so a girl aged 10.

OP made it out to be a massive deal, which it is not.