No party bag for DS

[girlmummy25]

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

I'm sure you would be outraged if it would have been your child crying because everyone was given something and not them. So easy to be "relaxed" when it's not your child who got their feelings hurt.

She sounds very disorganised if she had to go out to get party bag stuff that morning. It's my GC birthday party in a week and I've put together a bag for, a baby, Halal, egg allergy, nut allergy, 30 in total. No-one should be left out. Whether you should be angry about it depends on her reaction. Is she honestly really busy and has done it all herself?

Absolutely.

@girlmummy25 Getting so het up over a party bag is bloody odd.

Your kids are going to face many situations in life where things aren't fair, its your job to teach them not to let things like this upset them. Not to react in anger.

If this was my sister I'd completely understand, if she'd effed up and not made enough id understand non family guests are the priority

I'm sure there are many things in life I could get outraged about but I can tell you with absolute certainty that my children not getting a party bag at a family birthday party is not one of them.

I would’ve declined for both tbh and I agree with others that the SIL felt she had to invite OP’s children.

It was really kind of your SIL to extend an invite OP but a 7 and 3 year old are a bit young for a party of 10 year olds. As for the party bags you could easily have distracted them instead of asking if SIL had bags for them, she was probably stressed organising the other 11 children leaving making sure each child’s parent was there to collect them.

It’s no big deal and I think YABU by leaving, “fuming” is a complete over reaction.

All these people saying "it's only a party bag, get a grip" are missing the point. Small things matter to kids and I've yet to meet a kid who wasn't eager to get their party bag at the end of the party. Even if it was filled with 10p items of tat from Temu.

The SIL was either thoughtless or she fucked up, but at least her partner tried to put something together at the last minute. I would have told the kids that these things happen, then taken them to a shop selling pocket money toys and let them choose something. Or failing that, bought them a ice-cream each.

Yes, why would I lie about that…
My in laws have a big garden and it was a bouncy castle slide and paddling pool party. Quite a few parents stayed and sat outside too hence why the party bags were being played with as parents were still chatting.
if it was take one at the door as you leave to go to your car then yes my children probably wouldnt have noticed as much or got nowhere near as upset

It's fine not to provide party bags at parties but that's not the issue here. If you decide not to give out parity bags fine it applies to everyone, if you decide to give out party bags then it makes no sense not having enough for all the kids.

Yes we can argue about OPs reaction and if it was OTT or not but if you invite x number of kids then make sure you have x number of party bags or skip them all together.

Children that age aren't going to get it when all the other children are opening party bags and they are left out

Come on a 3yr old boy doesn’t get invited to an 11 yr old girls party! He was there because you’re family that’s all.

Im guessing the party bags were created to the taste of preteen girls hence unsuitable for your preschooler.

I couldn’t be bothered to get angry at something like this tbh.

My DS wouldn’t have known what a party bag was at that age.

If a genuine mistake had happened for DD, I’d have just said sorry and moved on and maybe got her some sweets later or something at most.

Talk about an overreaction.

You are supposed to be the adult here and teach your kids that sometimes mistakes are made.

Not have a ridiculous tantrum and storm off home.

You should be embarrassed by your behaviour.

Calm down! You’re massively over-reacting. Yes what she did wasn’t great but your kids are going to grow up devoid of resilience if they follow your lead.

I’d just think family hold back. There weren’t enough bags so family goes short . Maybe she was just a bit disorganized. Couldn’t you have bought the kids sweets on the way home and made a joke about auntie nora running out. of bags? Tis not the end of the world and there’s worse things imho.

Was I a weird child I could not have cared less about this stuff, wasn't a fan of parties anyway.....had my own gave party gifts away, just didn't mean much to me to be honest

Oh give over. It’s a party bag. He’s 3 years old! She didn’t leave him out because he’s a boy. It’s because he shouldn’t be at a 10yr olds party - and if he was invited as a favour, you, as a mum, shouldn’t expect a special party bag. The party girl is almost in senior school and your kids is a toddler

Why were they sitting round opening party bags? Surely you give them at the end of the party as the kids are leaving.
A few sweets (which you say the kids did get) and a bit of plastic tat isn't worth storming out over. Yes, your children might have been upset but I'm sure they'd be over it by tomorrow. Or if you were that worried you could have got them something on the way home.

Awww but she was so angry. So livid.

it's a bit shit, but your over-reaction is ridiculous. You stormed out and you are still angry?

Who's taking a 3yo to a 10yo birthday party in the first place?

I can't tell you why she didn't have a few spare sweets, but you probably didn't help by showing such upset to your child instead of making it light

I think SiL was short bags and didn't intend to give one to the 3 year old anyway.
It's not worth being furious about but definitely annoyed. I'd have left as well and made it up to my kids with a treat on the way home.
I'd tell SiL that it wasn't nice to exclude my kids and leave it at that.

"Who's taking a 3yo to a 10yo birthday party in the first place?"

It's family, fgs. 🤦‍♀️
Neither here, nor there.

She wss a bit thoughtless not to have enough but what was she meant to do? She couldn’t magic them out of nowhere. I’m sure your son will soon recover from not having a bag of crap that will end up in the bin soon.

You’re overly angry so assuming a back story to this

I wonder if the people voting YABU have children who are a similar age to yours OP, or if they're not there yet/way past it and forgotten what it's like!

My kids would feel very upset and left out if all the other children got a party bag and they didn't. Even if the other kids weren't playing with the contents in front of them, kids just know that party bags are a thing at the end of a party.

Your poor kids are probably wondering if they did something wrong to not deserve a party bag. Poor things.

so what if it's family?

Most families don't let their 3yo in the middle of their older sibling party!
Surely no one would think a 3yo was included in the party? Or the party bags?

I would have had spare sweets, it's weird not to, but the OP is reacting strangely. And kids sitting down to look at the party bags? Is that usual? I have never heard of that, party bags are the way to say "bye, thank you for coming but off you go" 😂

I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Might be mildly relieved some more plastic tat wasn’t coming home. We never did them, just some cake.