No party bag for DS

[girlmummy25]

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

@girlmummy25 I’d not have thought he should be there! It’s babysitting! My DDs would not have wanted a 3 year old date crashing. What could he join in with? I’d just not mention it again.

What a tight bitch. Just can’t understand her thinking. Just don’t understand people that don’t treat kids all the same.

Perhaps she was thinking that the DS being only 3yrs old was too young and the tat in a bag would have presented as choke hazards.

I'm sure a bit of cake was enough for the toddler.

Not a tight bitch as you so eloquently put it, just someone with the sense to realise that a party bag for a toddler is completely unnecessary.

It sounds like she wanted your daughter there and felt obligated to invite your son. It's honestly not a huge deal and it was kind of her daughter to have her cousins at her party especially when one was so much younger.

I think you'd be best placed to thank her for the invitation and say you had a lovely time. To make such a fuss over this would be setting your children a terrible example.

Surely you'd get something age appropriate that wasn't a choke hazard for him? That's what most people would do rather than exclude a kid.

I'm guessing she's done hurtful things before? It's not ok to leave your kids out, and up to the hosts to give out the bags and not just let people take extra.

This @girlmummy25 And may be she thought family would be more ubderstanding. Of course kids are upset op but if you dont make a big deal out of it they will forget in a day or two. Frankly PBs are often just plastic junk and sweets that are hell to get rid of (cos kids want to keep them and one feels guilty throwing away unused or underused stuff) but useless to keep

I wouldn’t have invited you in the first place. No 10 year old girl really wants a 3 year old cousin gatecrashing their party. I suspect something happened here re communication. She was unreasonable to have invited yours and then not got them something. You were unreasonable to be fuming and kicking up a fuss. Her poor 10 year old daughter was probably very embarrassed by both of you tbh. This party was about her and has seemingly been overshadowed by some drama over party bags.

Can you honestly say that you wouldnt feel bad for your kid if 9 other kids are all in a circle opening party bags onto the floor and playing with the stuff and your kids are just watching them?

I think you could have handled it better not to ruin a birthday party - said to the children we are special we are family or similar ..distracted and kept the focus on their cousin..it's teaching them something to make a fuss about a gift.

She hasn’t embarrassed herself. It’s ridiculous to invite the ops children and leave them out whilst giving everyone else one. They are children, they will be upset so better to leave with them. If you are doing party bags you do one for every invited child and make it appropriate for them eg allergy safe, age appropriate toys etc.

Of course you can feel bad but you don't make a huge fuss and leave earlier than expected. Mine is younger than your daughter and went to a cousins party earlier this year he didn't get a party bag and he didn't cry he was just pleased he got to see his cousin, eat cake and take home a balloon.

Were any of the other children family?

She probably just didn’t get enough and its “more polite” to upset family than the other little kids. If she was only getting the party bags this morning she was probably stressed and panic buying. Yeah its annoying but I wouldn’t have got overly angry about it tbh.

The years are going to be long if you are this upset about a bloody party bag. Chill man and get some perspective.

I don’t think it’s a big deal. Hosting kids parties is effort and stressful, especially in the heat.

Maybe being family, they hoped you’d be understanding about passing the goodies to less important people.

She was thoughtless and unkind not to have enough bags for your children. But you were wrong to leave that would probably have upset your children even more.
Better just to make little of it and say something like oh dear auntie X made a mistake and didn't make enough party bags so family won't be able to have one but never mind we can have a nice treat later on. Then you could have spoken separately to your sister in law if you wanted to let her know how angry you were.

What I meant to say, really. Just let it go. It’s only a party bag.

That’s weird in itself because usually the bags are given on leaving… a motive to get out the house.

It's not mothers who are obsessed it's kids! My DD was invited to a Build a Bear party where the bear was the party bag. But she was 3 and didn't understand that. She cried because she didn't get a party bag. Of course we parented her and explained about the bear but kids learn routines and patterns of behaviour and of course those 2 kids would be upset at other people having party bags and they don't. Kids have a very black and white idea of fairness and justice at that age.

Is she generally a bit mean or off with you or your kids?

I had an aunt like that.

I don’t think she bought party bags for either of your kids, she just lied.

He’ll of got a token invite because she felt obligated to to invite him
tbh I would of declined it on his behalf in the first place

Such a fuss about nothing.
Party bags are to take home anyway. Were they really all sitting on the floor looking at them? I wonder if recollections would vary.

Ofcourse it's hurtful to be excluded! No matter what it was- party bag/slice of cake/whatever. No child should feel excluded. The posters saying it's "just a party bag" are disingenious- they are children and ofcourse these "small things" are important to them. Your Sil is tight or thoughtless or both. Shame on her.

If thats all you have to worry about you are a very lucky person. Yabu.