No party bag for DS

[girlmummy25]

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

If the party bags were in a muddle, sounds like a case of "family hold back"

I do think you are being rather unreasonable over a few sweets. Mistakes happen.

Well you just explain it. "The party bags got muddled and we're family so we take a step back. I'll get you an ice cream on the way home." Sorted.

You need to start your own thread. This one is about missing party bags! And you’re not going to get compensation for them tossing breastmilk! They were operating according to their safety guidelines. They couldn’t test the milk to check whether it was milk because it was frozen. The safety of everyone on the flight is more important than milk for a baby past the age of weaning. I get that it’s frustrating when it takes such an effort to pump, but that’s life. They couldn’t be sure it was safe.

Probably that's what happened, but still upsetting for the OP's children.

She probably thought he wouldn’t be bothered about a party bag. Bad mistake on her part but you seem unreasonably angry about it. Back story with SIL maybe?

Please delete this and raise your own thread

Yes. I can honestly say I wouldn’t and didn’t feel bad. In the greater scheme of things this really doesn’t matter. I am old now, my DC are in their 20s and 30s. Life is short enough, don’t waste any time on this. You have wasted today already.

Kids absolutely buzz for party bags, I used to be absolutely sweating at my kids party at the awful thought of not having enough, I always had tonnes extra to make sure everyone got one and if a wee sibling was wandering about when they were handed out they got one too (yes OTT but seeing them looking at everyone opening theirs crushes me) but that's generally how I found other mums too, plenty to give it to any kids. To be honest I genuinely hate them- bags of total tat and sugar that you throw away but for whatever reason they are so important to children. I often do books and/or sweetie cones. I swear I'd have opened my purse and given your kids a tenner each or ransacked the kitchen to put something together for them, I couldn't bear the thought of their wee faces. My sister in law gave one to my 14 year old daughter at our nieces 3rd birthday recently as she didn't want her to feel left out. Maybe we are all big softies but I would have done the same

I just want to point out that breast milk or formula is a baby's food main source until the age of 12 months.

Fuming ??? Whats the history here ??
fuming and storming off is waaaay ott

they miscounted as you were family maybe didn't add you to the same whstapp group
honest mistake or do you suppose it was on purpose ?

And
"When things go wrong, it's not an innocent mistake. Someone has done something awful to you intentionally."

Yeah, I think this is too harsh.

I also hate party bags, I hate all the tat.

But kids love them. I would never throw a party and not give out party bags at the end (ideally without plastic tat), and my kids would also be really upset if they didn’t receive a party bag when all the other kids did.

You speak like someone who’s never seen a line of 4 and 7 year olds line up at the end of a party to say “thank you for having me” and receive their party bag. Of course they would be upset not to get one, and if it’s your kids that would be difficult to witness.

@girlmummy25i sympathise, but it’s done now. Just need to try and forget about it and move on. Hopefully your little ones are ok.

My children pre high school age very much knew that family were important and part of the deal. I don’t want children who think it’s all about them. Would not have crossed my mind to
not give a younger child a party bag, in fact I would have made one especially for his age

My toes are curling with embarrassment for you. Here’s a word of advice, little boys matter exactly the same amount as little girls. Take people for who they are, not their sex, I have made a quick judgement on the sort of person you are

Oh dear im new to this not sure how i posted on someone else's. Just said add post. Now how do I delete it. Sorry😞

Sorry OP, you have to let tet this go, and not make a big deal of it to your children.
Compensate them by spoiling them yourself with choosing some sweets instead.
It is galling, your SIL sounds tight and yes, that is rubbish, but her DH did rustle up some sweets for them.
Now you know to expect little from her. Get something yourself so they are not disappointed and move on.
Dont let the kids get themselves into feeling hard done by mode. They should pick up on the fact that It happens from time to time in life, but they have great parents who are there to cheer them up - that way they will learn to be resilient and small slights by thoughtless people won't break them

@Nadsthakur you can report your post (or someone else can) and they will delete it. Probably too late at night to do so but it can be deleted tomorrow

You’re right that the one-year-old wouldn’t have known any different. However, OP’s children are seven and nearly four and were both visibly upset not to get a party bag.

How do you know they would have easily placated by extra time with their cousins/on the bouncy castle? When some kids are upset about a perceived injustice, it can be impossible to fob them off with something else.

How much more resilience would kids have if parents didn't put whatever issues they have on to them

YOU might have been glad- I'm sure your children wouldn't have felt the same way if they were the oniy ones not to get one.

I hate the resilience trope. Let's just make sure we bully all children and make them feel excluded to instill some good resilience in to them🙄

Well we don't know because the OP didn't even try she just left in a strop.

It's all about how we model behaviour, if the OP had modelled the situation in a positive way then her children would have most likely acted positively.

Why is it a bigger deal your son didn’t get one than your daughter? Surely it’s the same? Why is it more unfortunate for him, when your daughter saw multiple other girls more closely her age getting them, and she didn’t?

Those saying "it's only a party bag" are looking at it from an adults point of view. In a child's little world, when everyone else is given something and you aren't it seems incredibly unfair and unkind and they react the only way their little brains can. They feel rejected and excluded, and the OP is clearly tuned in to her children.