No party bag for DS

[girlmummy25]

My SIL done a small party for my 10 year old niece which my DD age 7 and DS age 3.5 (nearly 4) went to. There was 11 kids there.
When everybody was leaving her DD handed out the party bags and there was not enough for my DD and DS.
When I asked her if my kids were meant to have one she said ‘oh your DD should of had one but I think another kid has took it’ but nothing about my DS as she didnt get him one!!
My DS was really crying and my DD was on the verge of tears as all the other kids were opening their party bags infront of them.
I was so angry I left (I was meant to be staying for a bit longer as it was at my MIL & FILs house), as I was leaving her partner was rummaging around and managed to chuck a few sweets in 2 bags and gave them to my kids.
ok so maybe my DD not having one was an honest mistake from someone else taking it but to not even get my DS one, I was fuming.
also why on earth was she 2 party bags short in the first place when she knew exactly who was coming - there was no unexpected guests.
some may say oh its because DS is a boy and younger but in my eyes that shouldnt matter.
AIBU by being so angry about this?

YANBU really.

What a nasty thing to do.

I would be a bit miffed but you seem inordinately angry

Yes. It’s thoughtless certainly. It’s not worth being really angry about, why waste your energy on that. I wouldn’t be putting myself out for her going forward though.

Were your two invited by your SIL directly? I only ask as you mention it’s your PILs house. I know what my parents are like and they’d be just the type to invite other people and just assume they were coming?

On balance shame about your DD but I can’t see why no party bag for a 3.5 year old DS. As she say there was supposed to be one it was an error so I’d say you are being unreasonable for getting angry.

I know this sounds odd but were your children invited to the party? It’s a big age difference at that age. If they were then they should have had party bags although if someone else took the one intended for your daughter it’s not the host’s fault. If you were just round as “family” I can sort of understand the oversight. I can see her just thinking, Olive is having 11 friends round for her party and mum, mil and sis etc will drop in as and when. Ideally she’d have got another two party bags but in that scenario I can see it happening.

Clearly you feel very strongly, it's not something I could summon up any energy to be annoyed about

Good opportunity to explain to your children that people are different and sometimes things don't turn out as theyd like

It's not great at all and I always did more party bags than necessary as you never know, I generally ended up giving them to any siblings that turned up at pick up tine. BUT if there was a party bag shortage for some reason I would make sure the non family kids had one as I could make it up to the family kids later. I wouldn't let it become a huge issue if she is generally ok.

It really matters to kids in a way that not all adults understand.

my son would be terribly upset

I'd have just gone to the shop on the way home and let them choose some sweets.

Had they got in a job lot of appropriate to 10 year old stuff that wouldn’t be safe for a vastly younger child? And then not thought?

Did she not have a party bag for your kids, or did she just not have enough party bags and yours just happened to be at the end when she ran out. It's a very important distinction on how angry you should be. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like it was a deliberate snub on your child

Oh fgs really. Are you sure you're not one of the kids with an attitude like that and walking out.

A human made a mistake, move on.

Sorry I think you are being ridiculous. Disorganised of your SIL for sure but to be ‘so angry’ ?
You just explain to your DC & maybe get them a treat instead.

It is unfortunate.
Try not to wind yourself up.
It's thoughtless of her.
I'll never understand it but young children just love those party bags.
I never did them.
I gave a packet of natural jellies instead.
Far easier and the children were happy.
I would have stopped on the way home and allowed him pick something out, and move on.
Its unlikely to be deliberate is it?

I wouldn’t expect the bags to be appropriate really for ds considering the age difference.

Yabu to be angry about it and essentially storm our, they had a fun time with their relative celebrating, a bag they’d have forgotten about within hours is not a reason to cause a drama

I always used to make up a few extra just in case. I definitely wouldn't have excluded any kids

It's a party bag, get a bloody grip

Yes we were invited by her.
She had gone to the shops that morning to get the party bag stuff. Can confirm she never got one for my DS at all. She did get one for DD but it got taken - ok this is fine as was a mistake but why leave my DS out… Because he is a boy. Confirmed as DH has spoke to her about it

Because he's 3.5, a slice of cake is enough.

He's three, the party was for a 19nyear old. I probably would have got a bag for him, but let's be honest, he wasn't really part of the party. It was for a group of 10 year old girls

I've never understood the obsession some mothers have over party bags. I've never provided them at parties and don't like receiving the tat bag when we go to others.

YABU to get angry over this. Surely the children should be happy to have been to a lovely party, I'd be embarrassed if my children got upset over not getting a fucking party bag.

ETA You've also embarrassed yourself by leaving early instead of demonstrating gratitude that your in-laws hosted a party for your child. Hopefully they wont waste their efforts in future.

Edited it again to correct, that the party wasn't for your child, it was for the niece, but my point still stands, you still embarrassed yourself by walking out earlier than planned over fucking party bags. Get a grip.

That’s really nasty. She should have had at least 2 spare extra party bags for this scenario.

Christ can just imagine how these kids are going to grow up with drama lama mum

why was a 3 year old at a 10 year olds party