AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

You are fully correct - is this milestone perhaps 25, as she sounds fairly immature wrt the practicalities of children?

Well you can’t make her want her celebration birthday holiday include your dc, so it doesn’t sound like relationship has legs.

I think the relationship has run its course. She needs to find someone without children to date. It’s not unreasonable for her to want a romantic holiday for her birthday without kids along, and you’re not unreasonable for being unable to make that happen.

The two of you simply aren’t compatible.

You’re obviously a great dad. Throw this one back, she’s not nice.

She sounds horrible. Your son needs someone who embraces him and wants him to part of her family. Your g/f would prefer it if he wasn't around. She's not the one for you.

You need to move on. It doesn’t sound like your priorities and hers are aligned and that’s unlikely to change.

I agree with you. Two weeks is too long.

She isn't ready to be a stepmum to your son. She can't help how she feels, but anyone in a relationship with someone with a 7-year-old child has to understand that their needs have to be taken into account. Going away for a fortnight under these circumstances is too long. You are a father, that is a very important part of your identity now.

This with bells on!

How long have you been together?

Your son’s only 7 and doesn’t have his mother around - there’s no way I’d leave my child for 2 weeks in those circumstances! I think you and your gf are at incompatible stages of life.

"She deserves to be a priority on her birthday?" Is she 12?

I agree two weeks is too long. What about a long weekend?

Sounds like she can't accept that you and your son are a package deal. I can't see this relationship lasting tbh.

You are right to put your son first, you are all he's got. Sorry, but I can't see a future here - she sees your son as competition.

Yanbu OP for all the reasons you described.
Your GF is clearly out of touch with the reality of being a parent.

Get rid of her the relationship wont last, your son deserves better and she sounds like a spoilt child. Plenty of women out there who will understand that your son must always come first

She sounds quite selfish. Not a relationship that suits either of you.

Sorry i am not sure she has your son’s best interest at heart so i don’t think she is suitable to join your family. I love time away from my kids for a break but 2 weeks is too long.

You don’t sound right for each other.

What exactly are you asking, OP? Do you want us to gang up against your girlfriend? You need to sort it out between you. Explain why you don't think it's right to be away from your son for that long and listen to why that bothers her.

YANBU. She sounds incredibly immature and selfish.

No way ! 2 weeks definitely too long at this age. I think the 3 day weekend is plenty enough to celebrate a weekend.

Sorry OP. She's not right for your circumstances

Two weeks away from your son is far too long. Your girlfriend sounds immature and self-centred. She'd be better looking for a partner without children. As your son has no relationship with his mum, he only has you and I'm sure he would be extremely upset and anxious if you took your girlfriend away on a tropical holiday for two weeks.

End it. This is giving wicked step-mother vibes.