AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

Shame you can't manage one week as a compromise. Maybe the relationship has run its course.. Make sure her successor has a child of her own. That will probably help.

Chuck this one back, she is an idiot

Children always come first. He is only 7. Give him a hug and the girlfriend, give her the elbow.

I’m guessing this is a reverse and it’s the gf posting.

I don’t actually think it’s wrong for the gf to want a romantic holiday with her partner, but two weeks is too long, especially if the dc doesn’t like being left.

Not necessarily an idiot but not the right person for OP

I don't actually think she is wrong for wanting a holiday just as a couple. However, i think you and her are just not right for each other. She needs someone without kids, or someone who only sees them every other weekend. You need someone who accepts you and your son are very much a package and embraces it.

Sorry @Jackthecool , I agree with everyone else, this relationship has come to an end.
At some point she is going to force you to choose between her and your son ... and that isn't a real choice for you is it?

why do people say that?
You don't need to have your own child to understand the dynamic and needs of a child.

On the other hand, I have children and I would leave them (i HAVE left them) for a week at a time to have a bit of child-free time.
Fair enough 2 weeks is getting a bit long, but many parents leave their kids. By itself, it's not an outrageous idea.

I think my child-free friends are much more caring and careful of children than the rest of us parents who know the children can easily cope with normal stuff 😂

YANBU in the slightest.
You have your priorities correct, if she is unhappy she can find a partner without a child.
You have offered her a reasonable compromise and she still isn’t happy, she does sound very immature

Break. Up. Now. 🤦‍♀️

She doesn’t like your son around, why are you with her?

You need to cut and run now, this relationship cannot work. Well done for prioritising your son

End the relationship, you are not compatible. Concentrate on your child.

LTB

Pop that one in the bin

Is it possible she's quite a bit younger than you? And thus at different stages in life?

I don’t understand all the hate piling on the gf.
She isn’t a parent, so she doesn’t ‘get it’.
You are your son’s world - of course you can’t leave him for two weeks.
It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible, sorry.

Your gf isn’t unreasonable to want go on a child free holiday, she isn’t a parent and is entitled to a child free holiday. She is unreasonable for being furious with you, disappointed is acceptable, furious is not.
You are a parent and are more than entitled to turn down a child free holiday because you’d rather not be away from your child. I think the thing to think about is you both want different things right now so will the relationship work

Depends what you hope from this relationship OP. Short term fling etc or something developing into a long term companionship loving commitment. Taken further this relationship is likely to end up with 3 very unhappy people.
GF is not stepmother material and you might as well cut your losses and run for the sake of your little son.No child deserves to feel his very presence is begrudged..

Depends what you hope from this relationship OP. Short term fling etc or something developing into a long term companionship loving commitment. Taken further this relationship is likely to end up with 3 very unhappy people.
GF is not stepmother material and you might as well cut your losses and run for the sake of your little son.No child deserves to feel his very presence is begrudged..

I wouldn't have left my kids for 2 weeks at that age, even with their dad. She's not the one for you - this is going to be an ongoing issue and you need to be with someone who understands what full time parenting is.

You need to call time on this relationship.

@Jackthecool yes you are right.
2 weeks is too long.
A few days away up to a week would be the limit.
It's very worrying that she still doesn't realise that you and your DC come as a package. You have to prioritise him.
Sounds like this relationship might not be feasible

How do you think this would make your poor son feel?
Why are you still with her?
Dump her.

I think you need to end this. You have to show your son what love looks like and this woman isnt modelling it towards him. Honestly you dont want her