AIBU for refusing to go on a couples' holiday because my partner didn't want my son to come?

[Jackthecool]

I’m a single dad with full custody of my 7-year-old son. His mum isn't in the picture, so it’s always been just the two of us against the world. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year, and while she gets along great with him, she definitely prefers our "adults-only" time when my mum babysits once a week.
For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. I assumed we’d make it a family trip, but she explicitly asked that my son stay behind with my elderly parents so we could have "romantic, uninterrupted time." Two weeks is way too long for me to leave him, especially since he deals with mild separation anxiety, so I told her I could only manage a 3-day weekend alone, or we’d have to bring him along.
She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday. My family thinks she's being incredibly short-sighted to expect a single parent to abandon their child for a fortnight, but she feels totally rejected. AIBU for digging my heels i
n?

how old was your child at the time? Is there a second parent in the picture? And was your child accustomed to being away from you for that long? OP has said DS’s mum isn’t in the picture at all, is 7, and has separation anxiety…

Not just taken into account the child's needs come first . If she can't accept then she needs to go

6 And 9 Their dad didnt see them . .

As for " separation anxiety " well that have had to get over any signs of that years before being at nursery, childminders and school

It is great to see a father prioritising their child. Well done. What a horrible woman.

Ok then… I think you’ll find if you RTFT, you’re literally the only person who thinks this is a reasonable expectation. But good for you.

Prioritise your son and end this relationship and stay single.

Don’t bring a step-parent and more potential babies in to your son’s life, he needs to be your priority as he doesn’t have another parent in bis life.

Lol fair enough. If people never want to e away from their kids that's their choice. I didn't feel the need to be glued to them constantly

Equally anyone thinking this is a good relationship and situation to introduce their child to would be an idiot.

Of course YANBU, you're a great parent and I wish more single parents (mum or dad) prioritised their DCs like this. So no, don't go on a 2 week holiday without your DC. She can like it or lump it. And now please rethink this relationship as it won't get better and she has shown her cards over something as petty as going on a birthday holiday.

I think she doesn’t sound ready to be a step mum. It’s a big ask. She, understandably, wants time with just you, and understandably you don’t want to leave your child for 2 weeks.
I don’t think either of you are wrong per-say, but you’re in very different places that just aren’t compatible.
How soon into the relationship for you introduce them to each other? You’ve only been dating a year. Slow things down next time….

"For her upcoming milestone birthday, she wants to go on a two-week tropical holiday. ... She is now furious, claiming I have "no identity outside of being a father," that I'm suffocating my kid, and that she deserves to be a priority for her birthday."

Yes, she deserves "to be a priority" for her birthday. She can pick her favourite restaurant for the meal you take her for, she can choose which theatre show you take her to, hell, she can even ask for a particular present. But- it's just a birthday; and if she's old enough for it to be a milestone birthday she's old enough to know you don't leave your children behind for two weeks.

I think this sort of Princess-y self-absorption in an adult would just give me the ick. Dump, dump, dump.

Omg give it a rest on the internalised misogyny. I think many of us posting here supporting the OP are either single parents ourselves or understand the devastation that a mismatched relationship like this and introducing a step parent/fling dynamic can have on DCs. It's nothing to do with misogyny. If the tables were turned all PPs would say to LTB. Then you would probably then come on here and say everyone hates men.

2 weeks away from 7 year old is too long in any situation.

Are you just rage baiting lol

She isnt the one for you.

Your a package deal

She’s massively unreasonable. She met you & signed up for a relationship with you AND your son ‘cause you guys are a package deal. Dump her!

That's a tough one. She is trying to have the single life with you - nothing wrong with that and it's a good sign of how much she likes you. But she hasn't grasped yet that you can't do it because you already had a kid.

Maybe cook her a meal or take her out, make her feel special and have a really heartfelt conversation. Tell her your feelings for her and that you'd like to explain why a relationship with a single parent will be different. Ask her if she understands and wants to continue.

It clearly says a year in the post !

Chuck that one back. More fish in the sea.

@Jackthecool Ofcourse you're not being unreasonable for putting the wellbeing of your child first! She sounds very selfish and immature- this would be a dealbreaker for me as a mum.

You should consider yourself very very lucky
You've found out exactly what sort of person she is before committing to her
Imagine you married her, and had a child between you
Can you honestly imagine she'd love your son as much as her child?

I have a teen and I won’t do more than 3 nights.

How would you know this was the situation until it became apparent. They’re not 10 years into a relationship, they’re one year in…so now she is showing her colours. How is OP an idiot? He didn’t know this woman was selfish until she showed it to him. But the gf knew from the off that OP was a single dad and somehow still thought he would leave his child for 2 weeks.

Roles reversed nobody would be calling a female OP an idiot.

Please don't take your son on holiday with this woman.
You know it's not going to end well.
I'd be calling it a day.

She’s not wrong for wanting to live as if she doesn’t have children as she doesn’t. She is wrong for expecting you to leave your 7 year old for two weeks to holiday with her. It just seems you two don’t work together. Your child will continue to be someone that takes your time and resources as they should but she’s not going to be ok with it now or in the future.

If you want a single life why have a relationship with a parent? Unless it is some weird competition to win attention over a child

Not unreasonable at all.