AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

I think all parties should let emotions cool before rushing into further action. People say things in the heat of the moment, just give them a bit of time & space to calm down a bit.

Parents don't have rights, they have responsibilities, and he will have an easier time dealing with everything if he's aware of that. I would give things some time and not go full pelt at it immediately.

I think you will find that it is her perogative to not name him on the cert . The only proof would be a paternity test after the birth .

so your lovely nephew wants to pretty much bully a heavily pregnant woman with legal action...... yeah hes lovely

He’s 35. Step away.

I appreciate what your nephew really wants is peace of mind. But right now, there is no point in legal action, he has no parental rights as there is no child. Who knows what will happen between the couple over the course of the pregnancy? Maybe they work things out. I suggest the best thing your nephew can do is just be supportive - financially, emotionally, whatever.

After the birth he can obtain parental responsibility either by being on the birth certificate or through a court order.

Yes, I agree. Let her calm down. And him too.
For what you say, they have been together for a long while, in a turbulent relationship. So they may settle in the near future.
I would be suggesting them to get councelling to make their relationship more stable, learn how to deal with conflict and raise their children in a calmer environment. This has a very negative effect on them and their children. And though it is difficult to fanthom for us, they may not trully realise how negatively they are impacting their children.
If she really really sticks to her guns on a longer term, then yes, get a solicitor and get him on the birth certificate.

They are unmarried, she can register the birth without him and not name him. Nothing can stop that.
he should focus on the co parenting relationship with their existing child.
newborn access is brief visits as you can’t expect a newborn to leave the mum, if he can’t get on with her then that is what will hinder access.

I don't see what a lawyer can do before the birth as there's no proof yet the child is definitely his.

Rather than thinking about going down the legal route, they need to calm down and think about the most sensible way to go about the situation. I guess you'll never know the reasons behind why she says this but they can't come from nowhere?

Either way I'd try and be supportive from a distance. You will only ever know one side of the story.

I would be fking incensed if my daughter’s ex partner’s aunt set the lawyers on my pregnant daughter.

Are both his parents dead and did you bring him up from birth? Because if not, you are too enmeshed in this. If he is as responsible enough as you say then he is responsible enough to fight his own battles at the appropriate time.

Hes 35 !! Please stay out of it .

Leave it. See what happens next nice the baby is here. Your nephew can go to court for a CAO for both kids

Me too. The man’s 35, he’s an adult, you need to butt out OP, this is none of your business. You’re seriously considering stressing out a woman so close to the birth of her child by getting a solicitor involved? Utterly disgusting.

Stay out of it. He's 35, he's an adult, he can decide for himself whether to get a solicitor and then choose for himself what options to take. You're only hearing his side of the story, pregnant women generally don't kick their SOs out without damn good reason. You have no idea what's happened r what he may have done. Don't be the ex in law from hell. It really is none of your business.

He wants to be named as his child’s father on their birth certificate - not sure why that’s a bad thing. It’s not bullying- that’s a bit of a stretch

Nothing can be done before birth. A new birth certificate can be issued with his name on via family court after birth. I wouldn't give it too much thought right now, it could have just been a heat of the moment or just said to hurt him.

The process of adding his name only can start once she has registered the child, at that point there’s a set process, not sure if you need a solicitor. In the interim the thing you could offer him is to pay for a mediation session, far better than them having lawyers involved

I’ve been this pregnant woman

do NOT start lawyer or fighting chat at all. A lawyer can do nothing until the baby is here!!

all dad can do is to not rise to any mud slinging or emotional trying to hurt from her. Keep being a good dad to the current child and keep trying to support the woman to be well and healthy on her pregnant reducing stress in any way is best for baby. Offer to fund pregnancy massages or yoga class or floatation tank or healthy food. He needs to tell her he has so much respect and gratitude for everything she is going through with the pregnancy and please reach out to him for any help, lifts, etc that she needs.

then when baby is here make himself as useful as possible - drop off food and supplies etc. don’t push her. Perhaps one very gentle id love to come with you and sign when you register so baby knows who’s dad is, but no pressure if you’re still unsure, my main priority is supporting you and meeting and bonding with baby.
if she doenst want him round leave her alone at least until she has stopped bleeding (first two months) then invite her to mediation. A mediator will explain to her that he will be automatically added to BC if he applies.
i assume he will meet baby naturally when collecting the big kid anyway.
don’t push her. She is hormonal and will never forget how she is treated during her perinatal period.

Yes he need a solicitor then he will properly know what he can and can’t do
once he has the info the he needs to work out the best way of going forward

there no point arguing about something which might be a none starter

ultimately it a long and bitter process but he can apply to get put on the birth certificate

Great advice once given to me by a lawyer is avoid court at all costs. There are no winners except for the lawyers.

If she doesn’t put him on initially, she can easily go back with him and add him on at any point (this is what I did with my ex) and if she refuses to do that then it’s easy to go to court later. I wouldn’t harass her about this while she is perinatal though no good will come of it.

I also think they should focus on firming up a parenting plan for their current child first

Pps - you may think your nephew is lovely and she is the she devil but you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, pregnant mothers of babies don’t usually kick out safe loving men and fathers just because of an argument. I wonder if she is afraid of him and what he may do or threaten to do. Most abusive men have families who think they are Prince Charming.

He can’t do anything legally until the baby is born. Until then he should focus on building an, at least, friendlyish relationship with the mother/his ex and not try to bully or harass her. If he puts some effort in he may find legal action to be added to the birth certificate later isn’t necessary.