AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

He doesn’t need a lawyer, but what he should do when the baby is a few weeks old is to request a DNA test and then make sure he is paying child maintenance for both children. If she is blocking contact after the paternity is settled and maintenance being paid, then I’d ask him if he needs any help with legal fees getting contact sorted out.

Anyone else open this thread expecting to read about a 15 year old lad and not a 35 year old adult man?

Honestly, my first instinct to is to wonder what it is about this woman that a woman would prefer to be a single parent to a toddler and a newborn than live with him.

A lesson for your poor sickle nephew here is that if he creates a single mum, she’s exactly that. Until the baby is born and he goes through the courts, the baby is hers and hers alone. Marriage would have protected him here.

What an awful comment. It’s his child too and he wants his parental rights respected.

And he can deal with that after the baby is born.

I think your nephew should proceed with legal action. As this will likely continue for the rest of their children’s lives.

But this is also another example of why reckless procreation is such a poor idea. And why being married before having children is so important.

Nobody has parental 'rights'

So i think a birth certificate is for the child. And i think even if he is a bad partner, she picked him to be a parent and their baby deserves him on the birth certificate

If she doesnt put him on he can get DNA test and added on later

But really hes 35, so if he wants to sort this let him ask for or find help

Ok.

Or he can deal with it now.

Im always amazed on here how pregnant women take on some kind of sainthood and can do no wrong.
We have no idea what went on nor the characters of either of them.

Or he wants to be a Dad. Not every man has shitty intentions. He's the child's father. Imagine if this was a mother wanting to be on the birth certificate and the man was trying to prevent it.

In these situations, the person who matters most is the child. That poster is correct. Parental rights are a nonsense...parental responsibility is key. Is that difficult for you to understand or are you just focusing on the men here?

Women generally aren't hugely happy and excited to be a lone parent to two small children. It's far from ideal. The idea that any woman in this situation is trying to stop a truly decent man/father from being involved purely out of spite is usually a nonsense

OP - may I suggest you google the charity ‘both parents matter’. They have fact sheets setting out the law, a free helpline, a forum with people facing similar hurdles.

This comment is very sensible.

Yes this!

You say he’s a devoted Dad but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors? Does he do baths, bedtimes, night wakes? No one knows if he’s an equal partner.

This

You’ve said the relationship is stormy, no doubt there will be a calm before the next storm and this will blow over. I would keep out of it. He’s 35. Big enough to be getting women pregnant twice in two years, big enough to sort out this.

If he’s as devoted as you say he is, she will of course put him on the BC. They’ve clearly had a barney and she’s lashing out in the heat of the moment.

A heavily pregnant woman does not throw her partner out unless there is an extremely good reason for doing so, especially when he is the father of one child already.

You have no idea why she doesn't want him on the baby's birth certificate, and again, that is not a decision she will have taken lightly.

You might think your DN is a decent man, but you do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

Keep well out of it.

I am focusing on a parent and their rights over their child which should not be subject to a tantrum being thrown by the other parent. Gender is irrelevant to me although clearly it’s important to you.

This is great advice!

He can't though. Until the baby is born it is not a legal entity so he can't do anything at all.

He could but it doesn't sound like he is.
If he was, there would be no need for his aunt to be researching and making contingency plans FOR him 🤷‍♀️

If they've 'just' had a bust up then it's quite likely she's lashing out in order to hurt him/press his buttons. She'd surely realise that if he is on the birth certificate for one child and not the other, SHE will be the one who has to explain that to their child. That is also not going to prevent access to the child.

They both need to calm down and then he needs to take the initiative, step up and do whatever needs doing. No one else needs to be butting in as if he is not a grown adult capable of managing his own relationships 🙄

There is nothing stopping him consulting a solicitor now to be prepared for once the baby arrives.