AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

Don’t need a lawyer. Wait for the birth. If things are still the same. He needs to complete a C63
https://www.gov.uk/search/services follow the steps. Then when he is on the certificate apply for a C1 to establish PR then C100 for a child arrangement order.

If income is low then apply for help with fees.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/apply-for-help-with-court-and-tribunal-fees

Who said anything about £300?

thats what I spent getting an hours legal advice Friday. An hour being the minimum offered to understand the situation, obviously (actually I spent £375 but expect it’s cheaper in some parts of the country)

This makes me so mad. Why should a mother have the power to do that. Both parents created the child and should have the same rights

You haven't disclosed why she feels this way and kicked him out? You don't just kick someone for no reason?
You getting this involved isn't helpful either. He's a grown adult and will have to sort this out himself.

Mom has to give permission for his name to be on the birth certificate.

It isnt your right to deny your child the right to the family of origin.

In the 90s and 2000s, women used to often advise each other to do this (leave the father off of the BC) to ensure he couldn't realise his paternal rights. The problem is that nowadays, family lawyers and the like will use this as proof of parental alienation later down the custody line. It has backfired massively on some people who assumed the father would never really pursue parental rights legally.

I would absolutely financially support a niece going through legal battles with her kids, so I see no reason I wouldn't similarly support my nephew who wanted to be a father to his own children.

What you have to remember is that a lot of women have been raised to believe that the children are theirs and their fathers sre in their lives only because their mother allows it. The minute he stops doing as he is told, she should have the right to expel him from their lives as punishment. It's just the pesky law that stops them. Some women see this as evidence of how the law is sexist. It allows men to be terrible partners and still have a place in their kid's lives.

it’s important he gets on at some point but he doesn’t have to take her to court in the first 6 weeks. It’s very easy to be added on later either by consent or going via court. Unless he think she’ll be on the first plane abroad when she gives birth (if she was planning to do that she’d be better flying away now) then leave her to recover from
birth and focus on the baby, the first few weeks are a busy stressful time and if she is discractwd by legal threats and misses something with baby baby could die.

I think she should do this once the baby has been here a while if it’s still the case.
However I don’t advise that they lawyer up and threaten right now before baby is even born

The family court can rule that he is added without mum's permission.

Oh yes, but there’s quite a process that goes through first but actually just being married is sufficient. You don’t even need a DNA test if you’re married at the time.
It’s automatically presumed

The advice is pretty universal here that as far as any options go for him the legal route should be the last resort and whilst it might give him the on paper outcome he wants it will inevitably sour all interactions going forwards.
Before birth there is nothing he can do. Knowing how the pregnancy is progressing, when she goes into labour or has a c-section and future scans and appointments are all the mother’s personal health information. No lawyer can help him until the baby is here- and then the first step will be proving paternity; so if he wants involvement now or in the first few days and weeks then supporting them to find a peaceful conclusion is the best option.

Agreed. WTF does the mum get to say who goes on the birth certificate and who doesn’t? It’s a legal document. It’s not her choice to make.

Because she knows who the father is?

And if she knows who the father is surely she has a LEGAL duty to give his name.

Imagine not adding a known father’s name. What an incredibly trashy thing to do to a child! What morals! They’re not some form of belonging you can use to get revenge or flex power. Sheesh!

How hard was this 👆?
Regardless of the relationship between the mother and the DN, the OP's proximity to any of it or the circumstances - the OP was just after advice, legal or otherwise.
Posters getting their knickers in a knot is pure projection, the wording may have been off but the facts are facts and law is law.
Thank you to this poster for removing themselves from the froth.

Another family broken before it’s even started. Why this is so common these days when contraception is free and more effective than ever just baffles me.

@catcatcat24 It mystifies me too, it's so easy to get contraception and such a range of options are available.

In my case, long term partner morphed from years of being charming to an abusive git within 3 days. We were still in the maternity unit when he treated me with such open contempt that one of the midwives asked if there was "anything I wanted to tell her."

It happens too often. Don't judge.

So how do you enforce this legal duty you would like in place?

Wow, is that really the most constructive and helpful thing you can think of ?

No she does not have a legal duty to add him. In fact unless he is available and agrees to go along with her on the day, she cannot add him. He has to be there if they aren't married.

Sheesh indeed !!

So ignorant !!

@Meadowfinch Isn’t what I’m saying factually correct though? 60 years ago, it was far more difficult to obtain contraception, but it’s not now. I had no trouble obtaining it 30 years ago and my DD (21) has no trouble now.

Anyway, presumably this second pregnancy was planned and it’s a real shame that the relationship is in trouble.

@Hoardasurass,
Interesting timescale you shared there. It actually is not at all what has happened to a family I know
The young mum didn't want to give access to the father nor put him in the birth certificate. He went to court after trying mediation. He end up with a few hours contact at mums house for a couple of weeks indeed. but the court order stayed that the 3 months old was to spend one 6 hours day with dad and his family and that overnight contact could start after 9 months. The mum was shocked and upset but that is what the judge ordered.

Thankfully they are working on it and 3 months later, they have made some good progress towards co-parenting. She didn't have a choice when she had to allow dad to bond with his child having quality time alone with his baby.