AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

No that's not what he's doing at all. I am doing some research off my own bat, that's all. He has not asked me to look into the legals, that's just what I'm doing. He merely wants to be allowed to be a proper father to his children.

Do you always pick up the stick at the bit where it's marked 'wrong end'?

Yes, the very negative effect on children is the worst thing about this. She already had an older child. It is clearly damaging for all concerned, but particularly for the children.

No-one is setting lawyers on anyone FGS. I am doing some 'research' and my first port of call is trusty MN. I am finding things out...is that ok with you? Jeez.

I'm not planning on going anywhere near the girlfriend or stressing her out! I am trying, for the sake of my very distressed DN, to find out just where the land lies and what might pan out should the worst happen. It is called contingency planning! Nothing wrong with being prepared, although you seem to think there is.

You seriously jumped the gun there.

I have not contacted my DN at all about this. I am researching the options ...and that does involve looking at the worst case scenario. I'm doing it so that he doesn't have to. I think he has been most solicitous of his GF's needs and of course wants a healthy mum and healthy baby at all costs.

The suggestion of mediation is helpful.

Its a wise child who knows his own father. Maybe he’s not the father. Auntie OP should butt out.

I understand about domestic abuse, having experienced it myself. I have no illusions about it, you never know what goes on behind closed doors but I am reasonably sure that my DN is not abusive. I think it is useful and generally safer to be equipped with information about what to do when things go wrong,

He's not a prince, but he is a decent man. They were living together until she threw him out, so of course he was looking after her, going for appointments and generally being a responsible dad.

It's a figure of speech. Do calm down.

I think you have given this impression in the OP by talking of
injunctions
"forcing her hand"
fighting her for access

It does come across as aggressive to woman full of pregnancy hormones. It sounds like bust ups are not uncommon in their relationship so I agree with other posters that the best thing is to keep cool heads and wait.

They may be back together soon. But is you jump into the legal route he may end up with a lot less access.

He is a grown up. When things calm down he can seek legal advice and have his name put on the birth certificate through the court.
I am sure he can organise this himself when the time comes.
You don’t need to do anything.

Re read it because OP doesn’t say anywhere that’s what her nephew is doing

would be devastated not to have parental rights

Yuk

You lost me at parental "rights".

I hate that phrase..it basically just centers the adult, usually a man.

How about talking about parental RESPONSIBILITY rather than rights

FFS really?!
So why does she get to bully and threaten him instead? What a cruel thing to say to a father to be?!
I'm sure this will blow over but in the meantime it'll do him good to speak to a solicitor on the side to at least know what steps to take if she so chooses to follow through with her threats

Support the pregnant woman who is being bullied by a clearly nasty piece of work!!

The problem is you shouldn't be doing any research or contingency planning, because its not your place to do it. If anyone should its your nephew and really at this point he really shouldn't be doing anything other than giving both himself and his ex a chance to calm down.
You really need to back off from this as all you will do is cause further problems for your nephew and any potential relationship with your great nieces/nephews

At this stage he needs to focus on being a good parent to his existing child.

Whether he's on the birth certificate or not doesn't prevent him being a good father to the baby, and it can be sorted out down the line. It only really matters when it comes to medical care for the child or legal decisions which he's unlikely to have to make for a newborn. He needs to deescalate the situation and try and work on coparenting with this woman, not force her hand. Worry about access/visitation when the time comes once the dust has settled. Obviously the baby will be with its mother for the foreseeable anyway so any access will be with her around at least to start with, that's best done if the relationship is kept civil and getting lawyers involved is not going to help

Oh come on. This is very basic google search stuff

Don’t get involved in this drama. He’s 35!!

Parents don’t have rights - children have. Parents have obligations. He can be added to the birth certificate later. Let them sort their own life out and understand that there is a vulnerable pregnant woman in that situation who doesn’t need legal woes at such a precarious time.

After the birth he could get DNA tests to prove he's the father which is the important legal thing. If it's still a problem ask a lawyer then.

It’s funny how many abused women on here say nobody would believe the abuse that has gone on behind closed doors. You can’t know what their relationship is really like. Butt out, he’s a grown up and a quick Google will tell him to do the application posted above. Maybe they have simply come to the end of their relationship, in which case he needs to apply for contact if she refusing it for the existing child/baby once it’s born.

As I say, I am not jumping on anything.

He's 35. Let him deal with his own shit.

Siccing a lawyer on a pregnant woman, wtf are you thinking?

So you can't ask questions on MN talkboards any more? What are they for then? I happen to like the MN Borg mind... you feel free to do you though...

I don't think you read my OP.