AIBU to find a lawyer for my nephew whose pregnant girlfriend says she doesn't want him on the birth certificate?

[Hillfarmer]

My lovely 35-year old nephew is in a very stormy relationship. He and his GF already have one DC of 18 months. She is pregnant again, due August - we could debate the rights and wrongs of that until the cows come home - but we are where we are. They have just had an almighty bust-up, she's kicked him out of the house and now telling him she won't have him on the birth certificate.

He is a devoted Dad and would be devastated not to have parental rights from the get-go, but what can he do? Are there any family lawyers on here who know whether he can force her hand in some wayl? Are there any legal means he can use before the baby is born - say, get an injunction?

He is named on the birth cerficate of his first DC and of course wants to be named on the second one's birth cert. If he's not on it, I understand that it will be much more of a fight to get access etc.

Any advice welcome!

Very true

Is he paying support to her for this second baby now? Pregnancy is hugely expensive time, whether it’s parking for hospital visits, supplements, clothing, better nutrition. Is this prince supporting her or just chasing his “rights”

He's THIRTY FIVE. If he wants a lawyer, he can get one.

Stop meddling.

Didn't this exact scenario got posted a few days ago?

stay out of it OP

Birth certificates should be a statement of fact - who a child's mother and father are.

They should not be a weapon used by women (or men) who are going through a turbulent relationship.

At 35, surely he can find his own lawyer?

It's not clear if he's thinking this or something the OP has thought about.

It's really helpful when people find a non existent conclusion to jump to

Agreed.

And people should use bloody contraception if they are not getting on. What is the point of bringing a baby into a rocky relationship (and I know you said not to debate that OP but 35 or not, they are both rather stupid).

No good comes of getting involved in people's shitshow love lives.
He can look up how to co-parent and get a court order. If he owns the property she can't kick him out.

Pregnancy isnt a free pass to be an arsehole.
Its his baby as well assuming its not an immaculate conception

It's not even happened yet and there is no baby to have parental responsibility for.

First things first, they need to separate, as this state of affairs obviously isn't good for the 18 month old or the baby. When the baby is born, IF she leaves him off the birth cert, he needs to order a paternity test, at which point it should be fairly easy for him to get PR. He can then go through the court to get access to both children.

He should not need a lawyer as the process is quite straightforward. You could always give him the money to appoint a lawyer though if he wants to be fully appraised of his legal position.

He is a grown-up and shouldn't need his auntie to get involved to organise taking responsibility for his children.

I voted YABU

You need to be very careful about getting involved in something that doesn’t involve you.

He needs to just try and build the relationship from now until she gives birth.

Obviously none of us know why they broke up but he needs minimal contact with her.
The only contact should be about the existing child and then anything involving the pregnancy or birth.
I would not be trying to score points or talking about contact for a baby not even born yet.

There’s a chance that he might not be the father anyway and so he needs a court ordered DNA test and to be put on the BC.
He doesn’t need a lawyer for this.

Obviously being on the BC does not give him access to the baby and no court will give him access without the mother to a newborn baby.

Therefore it’s not urgent and id be focusing on trying to mend the relationship as co-parents first.

You getting involved and getting him legal representation while she's pregnant is only going to stir up an already volatile situation.

Take a step back, this fully grown father is perfectly capable of advocating for himself and his children.

It sounds like they are both best off out the relationship anyway and should both focus on the children.

I hope hes as keen to take on the responsibility of paying for his kids as he is to start legal proceedings for his 'rights'.

It’s strange her mind went there straight away. Is the baby definitely his?

He's 35, why does he need help? Butt out.

A lot more lovelier than the woman

We don’t know the reasons for her choice yet.

He might not even be the father.

If he is, then he should definitely be on the BC but I think a DNA test needs to be done first.

It's not bullying to want legal acknowledgment of paternity! We can't moan about fathers not stepping up and treating parenthood as optional and then object when they want to be present from day one!

I also disagree with a pp who advised that he offer to pay for pregnancy yoga and tell her it's okay if she is 'unsure' about putting him on the bc. Fuck that! He doesn't have to apologise for existing - if it's his baby then the baby has the right to an accurate birth certificate!

We don't know why their relationship is so unstable - maybe he's the arse but equally she could be. Using the baby as a weapon isn't a good look for her, esp if he's a loving and involved father to their existing child - it's not centre g the children's' best interests, is it?

If I were him, I'd wait for everyone to calm down and I would try to have the conversation about names parents, proper child support and contact with both parents being in the children's best interests. If she was determined to proceed with this, I'd calmly tell her that I'd be going down the legal route and she's just delaying the inevitable - parental alienation isn't a good look for her in court either.

Id probably also get legal advice on what to do if it looked like she would try to prevent access. Never hurts to be informed.

This.
No baby = nothing to legally argue over as yet
Harsh but true.

this.

Nothing before the baby is born no. Does he pay child maintenance for the first child? because he must not agree to pay it for the second child until he has seen a solicitor. As soon as the baby is born he can start the process of applying to be on the b/c, working out visitation etc.

By the sounds of the relationship though they might be back together and split up 5 times over by then!

An injunction to force her to take him with her to the registry office? Of course not. I would advise he stays away from lawyers at this point and focuses on trying to maintain a cordial and calm co-parenting relationship with her between now and the birth for the sake of both his children. He's not a foolish teenager he's a fully grown man, who has made poor decisions. No need to compound them by getting all litigious before he needs to. There is time to calm things down before the baby is born.

Yeah I thought the OP was going to say he was 16 or something. At 35 you can find your own lawyer and make your own decisions.

He’s a grown man and the baby isn’t even born yet. You need to step away and everyone needs to calm down. He should focus on the toddler and having the best possible coparenting relationship with her. Then if she actually goes through with this when the new baby is born, because there’s a high chance it’s just heat of the moment, he can go through the court to rectify it and at that point you could offer to pay for a solicitor.

Yes - and you actually speak of 'forcing her hand'. Fair bit of hostility there.