AIBU to keep complaining about noisy neighbours using their garden constantly?

[Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday]

I live in what I used to find a peaceful and pleasant row of period terraces on one of the nicer streets in my area. Last year my neighbours moved as they needed more space for their kids and a new family moved in. They:

• Eat outside and play music every dinner time and most of the evening. Often all day on the weekend. It’s very beat heavy dance music.
• Leave their big bifolds open all the time and I can hear everything that’s said in their kitchen if my own kitchen window is open/im in the garden.
• Have big, loud parties ranging from a handful of people over to up to maybe 30 people regularly. Since start of June they’ve had people round and been loud into the evening every weekend except one.
• The parties go on to around midnight and often involves playing ball games etc in the garden, and lots of loud shrieking.
• Play football a lot in their garden and kick balls into ours. The kids come over and get it if we aren’t there to pass it back.
• Are outside and talk really loudly to eachother - probably to hear themselves over the crappy music.

The pluses are they are perfectly nice to speak to, their kids are polite and friendly.

I’ve asked them to turn the volume down three times. When they’ve had people over they’ve just ignored me, and said reasonably politely that it’s not late (this was around 8pm but the thumping music started at about 2pm on Saturday). They turned it down when I complained at 9am on a Sunday.

I feel really angry and helpless at the same time. I hate it. It’s making me so sad that they are ruining a place that I’ve loved living. We barely eat outside anymore and I think back to last summer and how lovely and peaceful our home and evenings were. My kids don’t like playing outside as much as it’s just so intrusive.

Right now they are out there with a bunch of friends being noisy, and I’m sat upstairs with the window closed and a fan on with my baby in a stuffy room to avoid the noise. I’m dreading the football tomorrow.

I’ve overhead them talking about getting a projector so they can watch the game in the garden.

My DH isn’t as bothered by it and hates confrontation so is playing it down. I’m honestly thinking about moving house, but we don’t have the money to really, and our house is so lovely except for this.

AIBU

• yes - they aren’t doing anything wrong enjoying their garden so you have to suck it up
• no - you should keep complaining and not feel intimidated.

Yes, that would annoy me nicely 😄. Try that OP...

Does the noise not upset you at all? Or do you just force yourself to get over the upset because they’re not doing anything wrong/illegal?

Thing is, you have to be really really noisy to be classed as a nuisance. Much higher than my personal tolerance for noise. There is being a nuisance legally but then there is also just using your own property in a different way.

The doors open, the speaking, the balls, the dinner outside, the TV and the occasional parties which finish at a reasonable time don’t seem obviously unreasonably to me. Would I like it- no. But I accept that some people live in that way. It’s quite an English thing to have a beautiful garden but barely ever socialise. In lots of European countries people do socialise outside a lot and are much more noisy. Plus it’s been boiling lately.

Honestly my advice to you would be consider moving to somewhere detached. In the meantime just be grateful they aren’t smoking weed, shagging in a hot tub etc

I really feel for you. I was sat in my quiet garden earlier this evening feeling grateful that although my garden is small, all the neighbours are quiet and considerate so the area is very peaceful. Some of the young lads down the road have a party 3 or 4 times a year, but other than that’s it’s quiet. I was discussing with my husband what would we do if a louder family moved in. And I concluded that I’d have to move! The peace and quiet is one of the top 3 things I like about where I live.

This is how I felt

We were so lucky to have peace

People like that are either incredibly stupid or downright nasty or probably both. Occasional parties are ok, general noise is ok but mindless, excessive, endless noise is shitty behaviour.

I know you don't want to cry but maybe they need to see the impact this is having on you. Most of our decisions about how we behave aren't based on whether it's legal or not. Most of us consider others all the time. Go and see them and see what they say.

Some people are very inconsiderate. The acceptable times for noise, within.the law are unreasonable in my opinion.

One of my friends moved from the rough area that I still live in partly to get away from the endless fly tipping and the noise. Sadly her new neighbours make a noise til 5am on many evenings so in a sense where you live does not make much difference, some people just have no consideration for others. I suffered 3 years of horrendous noise and anti social behavior from the people on one side of me. It was an unofficial HMO with endless comings and goings, drug dealing, dumping of rubbish, shouting and yelling from 11am til the early hours. I had to have the police out 3 times. Then they moved out and new tenants moved in and despite the fact they have two young kids the noise is just average, what you would expect from a family. i feel so different now that I don't live every day braced for the noise to begin so I really feel for the OP. Unless you have had noisy inconsiderate selfish neighbours it is hard to convey just how much they impact your life. When mine were at their worst I could not really use the back of my house, and had to put ear plugs in when i was in the kitchen. Trying to reason with them meant being laughed or sworn at, it was hell and part of me still fears it will happen again. Sadly you can't appeal to some people's better natures as they haven't got one.

It's OK to feel like that OP. I lived for years next to a bunch of fuckwits, I was nothing but friendly and accommodating when they moved in. But they hated me, I hated them and they just acted like pricks to annoy me. People do this, try to be all neighbourly whilst they are genuinely wired up to ruin your life. Can you move? Ignore (yes unbearably hard) but make a plan to get out and do it. On the last morning of the next day of your new life allow your Great Dane to shit on their doorstep. Good luck, I'm with you.

Wow can tell the type of neighbour you are 😂

You are free to exist in the space that you own as you please

She isn't. It pleases her to have a quiet garden and she has no longer got one. She is mourning that loss.

If it pleased her to play music in her garden and they are already playing loud music in their garden then she can't play hers.

And it's been this way every weekend since the beginning of June.

Play classical music very loudly in your garden whenever they start.

Unfortunately for you op they unlikely to be breaking any laws. Noise for music is normally fine between 7am-11pm as long as it’s not actually all day everyday.

Dinner outside chatting fine. Children playing and splashing in their pools fine. Even watching tv outside fine. The odd party here and there again perfectly legal.

The second you lodge an official complaint however you now have to declare a legal dispute when you come to sell.

That would annoy me endlessly too. I find it so extremely rude when people are imposing their "fun" on neighbours by being noisy at times where most people enjoy quiet. Yes, you can have a party but not every weekend! Usually, they are people who think they are more important than others and therefore can do as they please. And they take offence if you dare say something. I'd want to move too. Sorry, I'm not being very helpful.

Your neighbours would drive me nuts, so no, you're not unreasonable.
Have you tried lighting a bonfire? A nice smokey one.

I've heard loop earphones are good for cancelling out noise, could you try them.

I hate people like this too. It's just so selfish.

My friend is like this though. She's a very respectable teacher but they have built a 'restaurant' in their garden with a full bar, hot tub, outdoor cinema, barbecue etc. She literally doesn't think about her neighbours at all, just lives her outdoor life. I'm just gobsmacked that she doesn't see she's being anti social.

You have my sincerest sympathies OP. We lived next door to inconsiderate, noisy wankers when DD was a baby. Would just get her off to sleep as their music cranked up for the night - didn’t matter whether it was summer or winter.

The noise was so bad that I would dread weekends and often packed up and descended on my Mum Friday - Sunday.

We ended up moving house, and it was the best decision we ever made.

Sorry you are going through this.

What?? That is all just awful. An outdoor cinema!? This is what my neighbours have in store for us I imagine…

Have you ever said anything to her?

Show her my thread?

I also feel your pain. And I would never do this either. I’m forever telling mu daughter off because she speaks extremely loudly and I explain that it’s not fair on others who want to to enjoy their gardens peacefully.

I can imagine how awful it is because my next door neighbour played loud music one day a couple weeks ago. Started before 7am and went on relentlessly until early evening. It made me feel nauseous and there was no room in my house that I could get away from it. I didn’t complain because it’s not happened before or since but I feel that maybe he was having a problem and not behaving normally. What you’re describing is horrible but I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it. You’re going to have to somehow learn to co exist

If you can, just move. If you can't, wait them out and try to develop a Zen-like acceptance that it's a nightmare beyond your control, but will end eventually. Fretting about it and trying to convince yourself that there might be a legal remedy will consume emotional energy, cause more stress and get you nowhere.

You have my sympathy.

I think write to them after an event. Be factual about what is actually annoying ie noise levels or type of music or how long it’s going on. So they have a chance to address it.
invite them round for wine ( clearly they like a social occasion) to discuss.

Otherwise early mornings are your friend! Warn nice neighbours and begin your ( irritating choir, metal, drum and bass) music early doors

Clever idea....

Honestly it must be hell living next to my friend. Constant parties, music 'film night'. She just doesn't see it's a problem. She got a new neighbour last year who complained. She put a post on Facebook saying the neighbour was 'a fun sponge'.