AIBU to keep complaining about noisy neighbours using their garden constantly?

[Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday]

I live in what I used to find a peaceful and pleasant row of period terraces on one of the nicer streets in my area. Last year my neighbours moved as they needed more space for their kids and a new family moved in. They:

• Eat outside and play music every dinner time and most of the evening. Often all day on the weekend. It’s very beat heavy dance music.
• Leave their big bifolds open all the time and I can hear everything that’s said in their kitchen if my own kitchen window is open/im in the garden.
• Have big, loud parties ranging from a handful of people over to up to maybe 30 people regularly. Since start of June they’ve had people round and been loud into the evening every weekend except one.
• The parties go on to around midnight and often involves playing ball games etc in the garden, and lots of loud shrieking.
• Play football a lot in their garden and kick balls into ours. The kids come over and get it if we aren’t there to pass it back.
• Are outside and talk really loudly to eachother - probably to hear themselves over the crappy music.

The pluses are they are perfectly nice to speak to, their kids are polite and friendly.

I’ve asked them to turn the volume down three times. When they’ve had people over they’ve just ignored me, and said reasonably politely that it’s not late (this was around 8pm but the thumping music started at about 2pm on Saturday). They turned it down when I complained at 9am on a Sunday.

I feel really angry and helpless at the same time. I hate it. It’s making me so sad that they are ruining a place that I’ve loved living. We barely eat outside anymore and I think back to last summer and how lovely and peaceful our home and evenings were. My kids don’t like playing outside as much as it’s just so intrusive.

Right now they are out there with a bunch of friends being noisy, and I’m sat upstairs with the window closed and a fan on with my baby in a stuffy room to avoid the noise. I’m dreading the football tomorrow.

I’ve overhead them talking about getting a projector so they can watch the game in the garden.

My DH isn’t as bothered by it and hates confrontation so is playing it down. I’m honestly thinking about moving house, but we don’t have the money to really, and our house is so lovely except for this.

AIBU

• yes - they aren’t doing anything wrong enjoying their garden so you have to suck it up
• no - you should keep complaining and not feel intimidated.

I think it's fair to tell them it's having a major impact on you. Be prepared for them not to give a shit and carry on anyway. Agreed about your own music on, constantly if it doest stop

That's the point.

We tried reasoning with them politely.

Then got sworn at.

You can't reason with batshit thugs.

But you can teach them Britney lyrics.

Strangely, they were much quieter from then on after realising we were more nuts than them.

It worked.

Environmental health or council doesn't. They all lost their jobs during covid or work from home and keep in contact with each other via zoom. Nothing gets done now with these tiny departments.

Could have been worse... Genie in a bottle on repeat was another option... Or Bob the builder!!!

No, I don't think it is. They're not playing music excessively loud or through the night, are they?

Sympathies, we also have ‘sociable neighbours’ and the pain in the arse footballs that I sometimes throw far away in my efforts to return them. Hopefully it’s just for around 4 months of the year then the weather turns and they retreat indoors or go out to pubs.

If you make an official complaint to the police council then you have to declare it when you sale

think strongly before doing this because ut May back fire on you

You sound like one of the entitled selfish arseholes too. No consideration for others at all.

Not sure if this only worked because it’s HA/LA though? But it’s a worth a try!

My parents have a really thick skinned noisy neighbour on their council estate - outdoor diy from dawn till dusk every opportunity (Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, Easter Sunday, every bank holiday - bang, bang, bang, bang, crash, shout, swear - he’s awful). Anyway, all the neighbours had enough after it had gone on for years, one project to the next. He didn’t care what anyone said to him about how they just wanted a weekend of peace once in a while. It was never technically outside of allowed times - but because it was all the time the council did say something to him and he finally stopped. Plus so many neighbours complained and they all kept diaries of his noise.

You’d probably have to keep a diary OP and ask as many neighbours as you can to do the same! You don’t have anything to lose.

Fwiw, having come from a deprived area, I took your comment about the nice street to mean you wouldn’t really want to have to move because of it. People like to be offended on here!

We need low noise neighbourhoods where everyone signs up to low levels of noise and has to leave if they can't adhere to those low levels of noise.

Totally with you OP, similar, 8 years of constant low to mid level stress all the time when at home. My longtime forever home here, but new selfish disrespecting people next door, just one family affecting 10 other hoiseholds.

Some possible strategies to consider -

• Multiple loud parties till midnight - then your petrol mower comes out at 8 a.m. (you might only need to do that once)
• or DH washes his car at 8 am with the doors open and speakers on max
• multiple 6 a.m. sudden wakings with footballs literally outside your bedroom window - my glass recycling then goes out at midnight after 3 episodes
• strongly suggest a strategy chatting to other neighbours to see if they have issues as well
• I found writing a kindly worded and reasonable request “you probably aren’t aware….” (That the noise transmission is as though I have 3 families here inside my house with me, you might not be happy that yhe sound means I hear every word, even personal,things you would prefer me not to know) - a note did not work - at all.
• Try and have a talk (I waited 4 years to chat first in a friendly face to face way but without success)
• It goes against how you and I would normally operate as kind considerate people, but use your space and use it loudly, and be visibly seen in it, announce your presence.
• temporary windchimes dull the brain noise if you are trying to study or read.

We have one young superior family here among 10 quiet homes, everyone sits reading relaxing silently in their gardens you wouldn’t know the gardens were even occupied - apart from the “naice entitled” family who affect all of the other 9 households. Exactly as you describe. (Kept awake till 3 a.m. when I have to be up by 7, but I’m left in an unfit state to drive, never mind navigate traffic on the M25 - one of many examples)

From being an outdoors person and after a working life of decades stuck indoors, I relish the outdoor space - but sadly these days I just smile with happiness when I see a weather forecast of heavy rain which will bring some short relief.

Sending solidarity

When our neighbours cranked up the music, so did we - and we all had to listen to the music mish mash. When they turned theirs off, we turned ours off. It was like training a pet.

I would hate them too and I would have no compunction in telling them so. As in: "I hate you and your constant racket is making my life a fucking misery. You are a bunch of selfish, inconsiderate arseholes."

But I'm old now and I ran out of fucks years ago. I appreciate it's not that easy for everyone.

Spot the noisy inconsiderate arsehole neighbour on the thread.

My heart goes out to you. I’ve been in the same situation. I think you need to experience it to appreciate how exhausting and upsetting it is. Our home no longer felt like ours. We found ourselves on edge, dreading warm weekends because we knew what was coming. We tried reasoning with them and reporting it. It didn’t stop. We ended up moving. It still makes me cross that we felt pushed out of our home, especially as we are good, considerate people. But I try to remind myself that thankfully most people aren’t like that and we’re much happier where we are now.

This is actually genius!

I’m really sorry you went through that

I find myself praying for rain

@Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday can you try buying some loop earbuds as they minimise the noise? My dc use them at college to reduce the intrusion of neighbours or student parties? They're under £25 in Boots at the moment.

OP, you've said that you live in a terrace, are you at the end of the terrace, or do you have neighbours both sides of you? What position in the terrace do your noisy neighbours have, ie, are they at the end of the terrace, or do you both have neighbours either side of you?

If they have neighbours the other side, I'd be tempted to pay them a visit and ask if the noisy behaviour is having an effect on them, and if it is, I would suggest that you put your heads together, and make a plan as to how to deal with this.

You could start by you and their other neighbours going round to see them together, as if you both tell them that you are finding their constant noise and thoughtless behaviour is spoiling the peace that you've been used to, then it might possibly have an impact. It might even be worth asking others close by if the noise is affecting them too, as if there are even more people who are finding the noise intrusive, and are sitting indoors feeling pissed off, not knowing what they can do to put a stop to it, a whole group of you confronting them, would hopefully have even more effect.

If speaking to them as a group doesn't work, then I think you need to resort to stronger tactics, and would be tempted to play something like opera music, hymns, or brass band music, really loudly the whole time they are outside. If they do have other neighbours who are also annoyed, then perhaps you could take turns to play annoying music, so that you don't have to put up with it yourself all day. Or you could both do it at once, to show them just how annoying it would be if we all behaved like they do. However, if you have other neighbours, it might be as well to warn them what you're planning, and tell them that it will only be temporary, and is in the hope of putting a stop to the new people's selfish behaviour.

Failing that, I think you may just have to move, as if they're that determined to be inconsiderate, then it's just going to drive you to a breakdown, (don't ask me how I know!!) and nothing is worth that.

Sorry this is long, I'm actively going through similar right now and have done for years. I wish I could explain to my neighbours that even though I'm not even their direct next door neighbour, I can hear everything, even with windows closed. They're naturally loud, aggressive to eachother, telling the kids they're fucking sick of them, fuck off and give me some peace etc, swearing at the kids and the kids swear right back. (Another neighbour told one of the kids have a life limiting condition which is even more sickening when you hear stuff) They're only primary school age.

They're binge drinkers so once they get on it, usually most weekends, their shit music gradually gets louder and louder then they shout over it. Plus the hot tub noise. We're on a terrace! All penned in. Everyone else lives at a normal sound level. Other neighbours kids are a delight to listen to. The other neighbours music, although not to my taste, doesn't affect me at all as it's clear it's not at a performance level.

One neighbour said something to them one day, about something else, I think. They gave the kids a karaoke machine the next day and had it full blast. Not so much music, just the kids screeching into the mic. Clearly out of spite. They've gave the youngest something that squeaks, I'm sure it's a dog toy. And they squeak it from 7.30 in the garden until they go to school. Sets all the local dogs off and obviously wakes some owners/kids who aren't up that early. 2am they partied until last week. Loud music, singing... But because they're extremely petty, no one wants more hell on their doorstep.

I've spent the last two hours with loop earplugs in, they're noisy on the backs, my bedroom is on the fronts. I don't know when they turned the music off but must have been just after midnight, as that's when I last heard it. But the last song I hear from them always stays replaying in my mind. So I've been torturing myself with Vindaloo NaNa, thinking it was still them with music on. It's like my brain is so used to hearing it constantly, that it's started automatically 'hearing'. I have PTSD and can never relax with them partying. A car alarm just went off (it's 00.20) and I had to get up incase their feral kids were bothering my car...

BUT IT'S THEIR CAR! it never goes off but it has randomly a couple of times, I'm hoping it's another neighbour getting revenge 😭 I've had a few breakdowns over it. It's actual torture. It's not normal noise. Out of the neighbours I talk to, there's atleast 4 households who wish they'd sell up and move on.

We experienced this with new neighbours who played the same cd of cover songs on repeat loudly from morning to night in their garden every day. I had spent two years making my garden perfect for it to be ruined by constant noise that the entire estate could hear. One day they had visitors and we played music very high hoping they would see how annoying it was but they didn't. When the neighbours the other side decided to put a dryer outside and run it constantly we decided to be inconsiderate as well. We got a hot tub, set up a gazebo and positioned a tv at the house window so we could watch shows outside. It drowned out their noise but was only a temporary measure.
We moved shortly after as we couldn't stick it and then both those neighbours moved, by all accounts one of the new neighbours is worse again I'm told but I desperately miss my garden.

It's heartbreaking and it drove us out. You have my sympathy.

Rage bait. Because no, just no. You can't just do whatever you want when you live in a society. You have to be considerate of others. Otherwise, you end up with chaos, diminished mental health and even injury because of failure to consider others. That's why we have traffic laws or should we abandon those and everyone just drive however they want?

Ffs, this is a typical, entitled British attitude. Search up Ruhezeit in Germany. They don't get everything right, but understanding the need to regulate peace and quiet in areas of dense population they definitely get right.

Definitely enjoy some really loud Irish sean-nós singing on an early Sunday morning. Sets you up for a productive day 👍🏻😂😂😂😀

I know how debilitating constant loud music can be too. My downstairs neighbour played bass heavy 'music' at Volume 11 - literally made the furniture and floor vibrate.Months of it left me in tears. I asked the Council to send someone around. Even though it was within 'allowed' hours he measured levels in our house then spoke to the neighbour, who came back at him, which wasn't clever. The Council kindly sent them a 'cease, desist or be fined' note. They shut it down after that.

They’re still up and being noisy in their garden. No loud music thankfully just loud, drunken conversation

I’m awake because im stressed

Start keeping a daily log of times/noises/disruption. You might need it for the council. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it must be a nightmare. I hate that heavy loud drum and bass type music, it would drive me nuts!! You are not wrong for feeling this way. Horrible selfish bastards.

I could 😈