AIBU to keep complaining about noisy neighbours using their garden constantly?

[Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday]

I live in what I used to find a peaceful and pleasant row of period terraces on one of the nicer streets in my area. Last year my neighbours moved as they needed more space for their kids and a new family moved in. They:

• Eat outside and play music every dinner time and most of the evening. Often all day on the weekend. It’s very beat heavy dance music.
• Leave their big bifolds open all the time and I can hear everything that’s said in their kitchen if my own kitchen window is open/im in the garden.
• Have big, loud parties ranging from a handful of people over to up to maybe 30 people regularly. Since start of June they’ve had people round and been loud into the evening every weekend except one.
• The parties go on to around midnight and often involves playing ball games etc in the garden, and lots of loud shrieking.
• Play football a lot in their garden and kick balls into ours. The kids come over and get it if we aren’t there to pass it back.
• Are outside and talk really loudly to eachother - probably to hear themselves over the crappy music.

The pluses are they are perfectly nice to speak to, their kids are polite and friendly.

I’ve asked them to turn the volume down three times. When they’ve had people over they’ve just ignored me, and said reasonably politely that it’s not late (this was around 8pm but the thumping music started at about 2pm on Saturday). They turned it down when I complained at 9am on a Sunday.

I feel really angry and helpless at the same time. I hate it. It’s making me so sad that they are ruining a place that I’ve loved living. We barely eat outside anymore and I think back to last summer and how lovely and peaceful our home and evenings were. My kids don’t like playing outside as much as it’s just so intrusive.

Right now they are out there with a bunch of friends being noisy, and I’m sat upstairs with the window closed and a fan on with my baby in a stuffy room to avoid the noise. I’m dreading the football tomorrow.

I’ve overhead them talking about getting a projector so they can watch the game in the garden.

My DH isn’t as bothered by it and hates confrontation so is playing it down. I’m honestly thinking about moving house, but we don’t have the money to really, and our house is so lovely except for this.

AIBU

• yes - they aren’t doing anything wrong enjoying their garden so you have to suck it up
• no - you should keep complaining and not feel intimidated.

Truth is I wouldn't like it either but you still lost me at 'one of the nicer streets in our area'.

If you have a baby then you need Bluey at full volume at 6am after the ndn had a late night.

Tbh if the music and noise stops at 11pm I don't think there's much you can do.
Some people are just loud.

That’s interesting

Why?

Sorry OP I know how much it’s driving you crazy but in my experience the council won’t do anything about any level of noise if it’s between 7am and 11pm. And our council has an hour’s grace either side so it’s more like 6-12. It’s awful and living next to people like this wrecked my MH for ages even after we moved, but no one will do anything about it. I would advise you to move, sorry.

Why? She is just describing the area. I live in one of the worse streets in my area. You can tell when an area is nice and when it isn’t. It’s ok to observe and notice things.

You may not be able to do much about it but why not discuss it with your council's Environmental Officer so you know where you stand?

Ha they actually have a very young child! I think he just goes to sleep through it. One of their most raucous evenings was a second birthday party with probably 30 guests, that went on until midnight.

I feel your pain.

Currently 'enjoying' the cool of my garden ... except for the dodgy music coming over the garden fence :(

I think part of my anger comes from knowing that I would never do this myself and just feeling a bit incredulous… like how can they think it’s OK to just throw big parties and play music loudly all the time, and just not think of the impact on others?

I feel like I wouldn’t be able to do this - I wouldn’t be able to relax thinking I was upsetting others

Im sorry OP. This would drive me absolutely mad - but I've history of living next door to noisy neighbours which makes me extra tense

are they inconsiderate of anyone else but them? Yes
are they doing anything that the council or police would get involved in? No

honestly I think you'll end up having to move as they won't change, they're just loud and clueless as to their impact on other people

I feel for you OP.
I’ve had a similar experience - new family moved in, their garden backs on to ours, it was an older mother, her daughter and her two daughters and the kids were LOUD. Constantly. They’d have friends over a lot, and all we’d be able to hear all day long was the kids shouting and screeching at each other. I knew their friends names better than my own kids friends! And no adult ever seemed present to ask them to quieten down.
it was so bad that i was actually quite disappointed during the covid lockdowns when we could start having people round to our gardens again. And this was only children, so didn’t go on particularly late.
one day I had enough, and whilst WFH I popped my head out of the spare room window and fish wife style asked them to keep it down, the mum responded that they were just kids and kids make noise. I said yup, I’m aware, have a couple of my own but this is ridiculous and constant. My other next door neighbour gave a little cheer, and I slammed my window shut and cracked on with work. The nan came round and apologised, I got a bunch of flowers delivered the following day and we’ve not had an issue since.
I think it helped in my case that they rent, and were worried about us complaining to the landlord.
it’s such a tricky situation as everyone has a right to use their garden of course, but when them using theirs means you can’t enjoy your own it’s really not on.

I've already agreed that I wouldn't like it so why indeed?
I think it's the implication that it's more annoying for people in posher areas because having less materially somehow blunts your sensibilities.

Im sorry you’ve been through this too

What you say is true

I just feel so so sad that I’ve lost what I have and my house doesn’t feel like my home anymore

urgh now Im crying!

just wish so much I could have some peace. Life is hard enough without this.

I think stuff like this is like complaining about passengers on flights reclining their seat.

They are entitled to enjoy what they paid for. But for some reason we come to the conclusion that if everyone just enjoyed their life less, we'd all enjoy our life more. This fear of our happiness making other people miserable is just sad.

They had a birthday party, and you're complaining, it's a birthday party, people should be able to have birthday parties. People should be able to eat their dinner in their garden, they bloody paid for the space to use it. Music exists to be played, not through headphones, just played and enjoyed by people.

They're not doing anything wrong. They're just existing in the space they own. You are free to exist in the space that you own as you please. You love amongst other people. Alot of those people are annoying. That's ok. People are allowed to be annoying. If you don't like it you need to move to a rural place where you don't have close neighbours. But there's always going to be annoying people.

And you should be annoying too. You should hide yourself and be quiet so you don't impact anyone else. You are allowed to make noise, to be seen and heard, you are allowed to take space, to be slow at the checkout, to stand and look at a rail of clothes longer than average, to walk slow, to walk through doors, to cross the road, you don't need to sit quietly and neither do they.

You have my sympathies because noisy neighbours like this are truly awful. Moving is your best option. I know that sounds extreme but there are few other ways to regain control

This would be the centre square for a mumsnet bingo card.

I’m completely with you OP, I have similar struggles myself, but I’m not sure what can actually be done about it.
Our garden neighbours are always out when the weather is nice, which is fine, but they have loads of people over meaning the street gets like a car park, their music is blasting (and not my kind of music anyway!), my babies’ bedroom backs on to the garden so you can hear it in their room, and I can occasionally smell weed.
When DH was on nights they did it all weekend so I said he should sit outside their house at 6am when he came home with the car stereo blasting out, but I’d never seriously tell him to do this!!

Fair enough, you’re right I did imply that without really thinking about it.

This would be annoying on any street.

I live in a rough area and have annoying anti social loud neighbours. I am desperate to move to a nicer street. To be honest I think I would be angrier if the anti social behaviour continued in the nicer area!

You'll probably get backlash on here but you're not being unreasonable they're a bunch of selfish, inconsiderate cunts and fuck how polite their kids are. I HATE people like this more than words can ever describe.

Me too. I’m so sorry Op that your peace is being destroyed by such selfish inconsiderate people. I doubt they will change their behaviour so you might have to move yourself which is so unfair 💐

My only thought about the OP mentioning she lives in one of the nicer areas of her town was that it would be another reason not to want to move house.

I totally own that.
I know I'm probably not being fair.
But I'm trying to come from a fair place.
We often see threads about horrible neighbours ruining people's lives and they really upset me.
Selfish horrible behaviour distressing people who have no power in the situation.
But it's not worse because someone has a house in a nice street. It's just that no-one seems to care about the people in the less nice streets.

Thanks it actually feels better to just admit this is how I feel and I hate them

I would cry too.

If you are in a terrace, would you be able to speak to other neighbours and see if there are several people affected? You might be able to speak to the perpetrators as a group about their noise pollution. Maybe they would think again if they realised how their actions were affecting so many people?

Unfortunately, I would imagine that people who think it is ok to act like this will not change.

Could you google Hitman?