AIBU to keep complaining about noisy neighbours using their garden constantly?

[Jamtomorrowneverjamtoday]

I live in what I used to find a peaceful and pleasant row of period terraces on one of the nicer streets in my area. Last year my neighbours moved as they needed more space for their kids and a new family moved in. They:

• Eat outside and play music every dinner time and most of the evening. Often all day on the weekend. It’s very beat heavy dance music.
• Leave their big bifolds open all the time and I can hear everything that’s said in their kitchen if my own kitchen window is open/im in the garden.
• Have big, loud parties ranging from a handful of people over to up to maybe 30 people regularly. Since start of June they’ve had people round and been loud into the evening every weekend except one.
• The parties go on to around midnight and often involves playing ball games etc in the garden, and lots of loud shrieking.
• Play football a lot in their garden and kick balls into ours. The kids come over and get it if we aren’t there to pass it back.
• Are outside and talk really loudly to eachother - probably to hear themselves over the crappy music.

The pluses are they are perfectly nice to speak to, their kids are polite and friendly.

I’ve asked them to turn the volume down three times. When they’ve had people over they’ve just ignored me, and said reasonably politely that it’s not late (this was around 8pm but the thumping music started at about 2pm on Saturday). They turned it down when I complained at 9am on a Sunday.

I feel really angry and helpless at the same time. I hate it. It’s making me so sad that they are ruining a place that I’ve loved living. We barely eat outside anymore and I think back to last summer and how lovely and peaceful our home and evenings were. My kids don’t like playing outside as much as it’s just so intrusive.

Right now they are out there with a bunch of friends being noisy, and I’m sat upstairs with the window closed and a fan on with my baby in a stuffy room to avoid the noise. I’m dreading the football tomorrow.

I’ve overhead them talking about getting a projector so they can watch the game in the garden.

My DH isn’t as bothered by it and hates confrontation so is playing it down. I’m honestly thinking about moving house, but we don’t have the money to really, and our house is so lovely except for this.

AIBU

• yes - they aren’t doing anything wrong enjoying their garden so you have to suck it up
• no - you should keep complaining and not feel intimidated.

"Wow! Sounds like bliss. It is actually similar to how life used to be back in the ’70s and early ’80s growing up in this country, where people were so much more considerate. I can remember not being allowed out to play until 11 am on a Sunday, and even then, we were yanked back in if we started shouting! That is a concept lots of people would find unheard of these days."

OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Only people who have experienced noisy neighbours understand the true awfulness of intrusive noise that you have no control over. We experienced years of it and did all the right things, keeping noise dairies, the lot but nothing was done. Our neighbour would start their bbq at midday, open their back garden gate and put the music on high. They then had a constant stream of visitors coming and going until the early hours. It was a nightmare. They did this EVERY Saturday in summer and very often carried it over into Sunday. They also did it regularly in the week. It was soul destroying.It wrecked our mental health and we hated summer. The noise was relentless. They moved in after us and started the noise the weekend after they moved in. We had to move in the end to escape them. Move OP because they wont stop or change their behaviour. Moving saved my sanity, it was making me feel really down. My home wasnt my own, I had no peace.

This is exactly how I feel.

They sound similar. A taxi just pulled up outside and a handful of men came out of next door talking at normal volume and headed off. About an hour ago a very tired looking woman with two small kids in tow set off. At least they aren’t all staying for a garden breakfast.

Last night wasn’t as bad as Friday actually as they went inside to watch the game. I was woken by revelry when England scored the second goal and the kids ran outside and screamed in the garden for a while.

DH called me a grouch for saying I’m sorry they won as id like it to all go away. That was pre-coffee, feel a bit more human now.

I'm curious why you feel the loud neighbours have more right to enjoy themselves their way than those that prefer a bit of peace and calm in their own garden.

It’s the fact it’s all the time, isn’t it? I don’t think OP would be complaining if it was a party with music and people outside. But when it’s all the time, it’s not striking a balance between their enjoyment and others.

OP I’m with you on this ,it’s excessive and unnecessary to be so loud almost every night !
And there’s no need to watch the football outdoors 😩 they’re going to get a projector, am I correct ?
ridiculous .
I have lived in different areas of the UK and also overseas .
Almost all homes I have lived in the neighbours were not excessively noisy .
Yes I heard children playing out and guests chatting away at evening BBQs but not to the extent your neighbours are doing !
Current neighbours kids can be very noisy indeed but it’s not all the time or every evening.
Maybe worth chatting to other neighbours to see how this is affecting them and speak to this neighbour

Winter will soon be here , it will change then.

I feel for you. My suggestion is play bagpipe music loudly and in the evening light one of these garden fire pits cook somthing smelly and inedible. leaves work well just smouldering and smoky llelandi branches work very well I'm sure you could experiment. Make sure it's not too close to the fence. If they complain say oops sorry You will be inconveineiced by the smoke/smell but hey your alrady stuck indoors with your window shut. Just warn your nice neighbours not to hang washing out

My question was for maxslice not the op, I'm fully in support of op

Someone near me had a TV in their back garden yesterday evening. I had a fan on and earplugs in!

At the other end of my road someone was having a party with music so loud we could hear it at our end. But I think they turned it off to watch the match so that was something.

Erm because if I am quiet that doesn't inconvenience anyone but if you are loud it does.

I know I was agreeing with you :)

OP this sounds so frustrating.

At the moment, you need to start logging and complaining to your local environmental health team about any excess noise (parties/ music etc ) outside quiet times. This is usually 23:00 to 07:00.

You need to demonstrate a patter of unreasonable and excessive behaviour. The council will issue a noise abatement notice if you can demonstrate continued and unreasonable noise.

You can also get noise / decibel meters. I would use this to record the excessive music. The local council should look at this. Do not record things considered normal life noise (talking. Children playing etc). But do log the rest. And again times.

A bit of noise, the occasional party, some music is fine. But excessive noise and continuous parties is rightfully considered unreasonable behaviour.

When you report to the council's environmental health team explain how long this has been going on for, and that you have asked on multiple occasions for them to turn down the music and they have refused to do so.

Good luck.

What a load of entitled rubbish. The OP is just as entitled to have some peace and quiet as her thoughtless, selfish neighbours.

Completely agree I'm curious what maxslice thinks :-)

No need to be unpleasant

I'm loving the idea of bagpipes, or could one of you start learning to play a trumpet, or the violin, that can make an AWFUL noise, and if you record it, you can just keep playing it over and over, at peak volume, ideally at the point where you know they've finally gone to bed.

You could even combine the musical racket with the bonfire, that would be REALLY good, and even better if they have neighbours the other side who could be persuaded to do the same for a double effect. They may just get the message then.

Sorry OP! I know it may sound like I'm taking this lightly, and I'm really not, but if you're at the end of your tether, trying some of the ideas on here, just might make you feel better, even if it doesn't do the trick.

However, at the end of the day I think you're going to have to move, so if you own your property, leave it until the winter months when they're not so likely to be outside, and then get it on the market.

I live in the middle of a terrace - and I love my house. My neighbours on one side … I’m not sure that they ever use their garden at all 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’ve never seen it (my property doesn’t overlook their garden), and I’ve never heard them in it. The neighbours on the other side are loud! Regular barbecues - usually when I’ve just hung out my laundry 🙄 6 young adult children … and their friends mostly smoking weed and shouting over one another. I’ve made peace with it. I say the serenity prayer if it gets too much. We don’t all live the same way. Tolerate the same noise levels or like the same music … but what our neighbours do and how they behave in their own homes as long as it’s between reasonable hours is beyond our control.

I have some neighbours like this, I just cannot bear other people's musical tastes being inflicted on everyone else around them at full volume whether they want to hear it or not. By all means play your music but quietly? One day when it all just got too much, I found a very shrieky Richard Strauss opera playing on Radio 3, which I put up to full volume and thankfully they took the hint and turned theirs down. Play them at their own game if this is continuous and it sounds like it's close to that.

Bluey is not bad to listen to. I suggest that whiney little twerp Bingo (The black rabbit).

We have decent size gardens. One at the back, large bifolds. Went through a divorce during covid. Females screeching 'i will survive ' into the early hours. Met new bloke who moved in. Every Saturday loud music and shouting. He seems to have moved on and new one moved in who is quieter. Yappy dog now but prefer that to the loud music. We are a ' naice' road of large detached period properties. Only one that has no thought for others. This summer has been nicer with the peace. No advice only I feel your pain as inconsiderate neighbours who play loud music are horrific x

DS1 (autistic) hates all neighbour noise. We can’t afford to live somewhere with no neighbours. He objects to the new neighbour next door laughing when friends and family visit because they sit outdoors most days given the weather. I have tried to explain that there is far more ‘disturbing’ noise.

It is a very diverse road with a mix of social housing and retired folk in relatively large properties with large gardens. It seems we are tolerant of power tools and lawn tractors and dogs but less tolerant of people talking and laughing and playing music that isn’t to our taste. I live in the middle - social housing on one side and retired couple on the other. Despite her raucous laugh I think our new neighbour is a positive addition to the local community. Likewise despite his lawn tractor my other neighbour is a positive addition to the local community.

Same here, for two years I lived in a shared ownership with a single mum and five kids for neighbours. It was hell on earth and I will never ever live next door to children or noisy neighbours again. Twenty years later I am still on tablets after my nerves were shot. I feel for you OP, your description brings back memories (though I had to deal with vandalism too).

If the fine line between being allowed to enjoy and use your garden and a genuine nuisance. Nobody sadly is entitled to silence.

It is however rather enjoyable to listen to bird song and watch the bats flying around.

Having a 6pm dinner. Chattering and laughing. Fine.

Children playing laughing. Fine.

Music at lunch time or during a gathering during normal hours. I’d say fine.

Children screaming and yelling. Not fine. You don’t need to scream to play.

Loud music outside of normal hours. Not fine. Loud music every single bloody day. Not fine.

2am outside chatty breakfast. Not fine.

Yappy or barking dogs at 7am. Not fine.

You seem confused about being an arsehole, and the law.

If you are breaking the law, you are a criminal not just an arsehole. Everything an arsehole does, is allowed. It doesn't mean they cant be judged and it isn't pathetic and bad still.

A good way to sometimes judge if what is happening is OK, is to see if it would be OK for everyone to do the exact same thing at the same time always. If that would result in living hell nobody could live in, then everyone else not doing it is subsidising you being able to do it and enjoy it. You are the odd one out, you are using everyone else's decency to live in a society, and you are the arsehole.