AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

Unsure this is allowed. Seem to remember Ofsted clamping down on stuff like this :(

I wouldn’t have an issue with this, however I’d want the finer details agreed prior to starting anything, such as confirming the drop off time and that she’ll have had breakfast prior to arriving, and what their contingency plans are for any days you’re unable to do it, such as holidays, or if your own child is unwell and can’t attend school as you obviously won’t want to have to bundle an unwell child out of the house just to drop hers off.

So you’d basically be doing most of their school pick ups and drop offs? I’d say no, it’s too much. Say you don’t mind helping morning an emergency but you can’t do more than you’re already doing.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable committing to this, if the children bicker, fall out or you just want to one with your own child in the mornings.
it wouldn’t work for me. I had to coax my own children all the way to the school door.
I would feel awkward saying no as it is your neighbour. She was cheeky to ask.

It will be weeks before they complain that you can’t do it one day or that they start extending the time in the morning or just assume you will do the pick up as well. People like this are never grateful and they just stretch people’s good will.

So you’d be doing ALL the pick ups and also the drop off 3 mornings a week?
Without being laid

But somehow tge dad can’t reciprocate because he already has 2 other dcs? And? Surely going from 3 to 4 won’t be that hard right?

They are thinking you’re a mug Abx a great unpaid childminder.
Tyatbsort of arrangement work well when it’s reciprocal. That’s what helping each other means.
In your case you’re helping them. At your own disadvantage. But you get nothing back. Not good

Why is their childcare and inability to manage the kids they chose to have your issue?
Why is it easier for you to pick up 2 kids with one toddler than for him to pick up 1 kid with 2 toddlers?
The oddest part of this is that you are considering doing it.

It sounds like a bizarre situation. So they have 3 kids, one of school age who they want to leave with you (how early? Will it simply be a case of having the child as soon as you need to go or them sending them round at 8 but you don't leave til 8.30?).

Will the other two children then simply go with dad in the car?

What happens at the end of the day? Do they all then go to collect mum?

I think this is a risky move. How soon til the next child starts school? As at this rate you will end up with your eldest, their eldest and middle plus your toddler!

Edited to add, I missed that you already pick the child up. The whole situation sounds ridiculous. Why can't mum drive, walk or get public transport?

I think there's a difference between 'neighbours' and 'friends who live next door'. If they are friends that I'd be keen to help but if it's just a case of you being neighbours then possibly not?

Your OP and updates are still a tad confusing though - what time will the child be dropped off in the morning and do you always do picks up for them every week? Just not very clear.

My neighbour asked similar of me back in the day.

I think was 2 days per week but she pitched it to me like a job and offered to pay me.

Her son was no bother and I was walking to school anyway and the extra money was handy so I really didn't mind but I think the problem for you is that it's 3 days and you are being made to feel obligated.
It really is up to you though. If you're not comfortable with it you have to say.

Does your school have breakfast club?
X

You already pick their child up from school. Is that for 3 days a week or 5 days a week?

This! Absolutely no chance I’d agree to this - they are basically using you as an unpaid childminder OP!

The fact they’ve even asked without offering something reciprocal is a massive red flag. They just need to book breakfast club for their child like every single other parent who can’t take their child in the mornings.

If they don’t want to pay for breakfast club, they can pay you.

I'm not considering doing it.

Back in my mums time, she had to rely on neighbours . There was no regulated childminders etc back then, I remember her paying a woman four doors down from the school 10 bob a week to take us ( 2 ) for 30 mins an evening . We weren't entertained or anything, we sat in the kitchen , safe, bored but safe, till mum finished work

Then a neighbour ( elderly ) took my wee sister every evening and me twice a week - FOC - and we would help with dog walking and learned to iron ( we always got a lovely cake )

Latch key kids were common in the 70's and everyone relied on everyone else to get by

Absolutely not. I wouldn't even get into a reciprocal agreement about any drop offs or pick ups full stop. It's one thing if you're sick and need a hand, it's another to be doing it multiple times a week. Plenty of us do school picks up with younger children in tow, plenty use public transport or walk to work, plenty of us use a variety of wrap-around care to get us through working weeks. Their childcare problems are not your problem.

I wouldn’t for the simple reason that there is a solution, but it doesn’t suit them. That’s fair enough, but it remains their problem.

"I'm sorry but I don't want to take on that level of commitment" You don't have to put I'm sorry 😉

Nope
Regular arrangements can become problematic — better to say no except for occasional emergencies.
I like to chat to my kids on the school run.
Sometimes we might want to go early or late or grandparents might take them.
If one of the kids was having a bad time and was resisting going that day I wouldn’t want another child around to deal with.

Set up a formal contract with her as a childcare provision. £4 per morning. Definitely cheaper than if she had to arrange breakfast club.

Regardless of whether they can actually reciprocate or not, I would phrase it in such a way that automatically expects this. Yes sure sounds good, are you happy to do 2 drop offs and 1 pick up? If she says no (sounds like she will), you have a better get out clause. Even though you absolutely don't need one. Or just say - sorry mornings are so rushed, it would be stressful having another little one to mind. I am more than happy to do the occasional drop off to help out as I am sure you would if I was in similar circumstances but I can't commit to anything regularly x

I’d do it. If stars dropped off dressed fed and ready then it’s no trouble. My DD bestie lives next door and has done for 11 years. We’d often rely on each other and still do for comp.

What happens if your child is ill? Will they still expect you to take their child?
They are CFs. Are you going to end up taking their other children to school in the future too??!

I think I’d say how much I struggle with mornings and getting my own 2 children ready so I couldn’t manage a 3rd.

Or use the good old “sorry, that won’t work for us”
followed by fuck off you CFs!

Has he offered to get her laid??
Sorry… tickled me 😂