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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

455 replies

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:01

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

OP posts:
hugasaurus · Yesterday 20:48

IronEverything · Yesterday 20:14

I'd say no, mornings are already hectic enough. It also sounds alike they've been pretty presumptuous and made job commitments under the assumption that you'd provide them with free childcare.

Agreed. Adding someone else’s child into the already chaotic morning routine is not something I would want. An occasional favour is fine but no way would I commit to this.

PinkFrogss · Yesterday 20:48

Tell them unfortunately you are unable to, but you’ve heard the school breakfast club is great and probably has spaces for the next school year.

It sounds like the dad is at home when she’s at work, and vice versa. So there’s always a parent around anyway and they just need to sort out their routine. That’s not your problem.

herbetta · Yesterday 20:49

I suggest asking for payment, as it's going to take up a lot of your time to both mind & the child and do the drop off. If they agree, do it for a trial period.

Bournetilly · Yesterday 20:50

Can the dad not take the mum to work earlier? It’s not fair to ask you to do drop offs 3 days per week as well as pick ups.

IceLollly · Yesterday 20:50

Another mum at primary did used to walk my DD to school 3 days a week for several years. She would wait at their house for 5 minutes at most. I return I regularly took her DD out and after school. The girls were friends though and I was friends with mum, I walked with her on my days off.
I did always want her to feel like it was worth her time.

Nickyknackered · Yesterday 20:50

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:21

Currently her dad does the drop-offs and I do the pick-ups. But now he needs to drive her mum to work, they've asked me to do the drop-offs as well three days a week. On the other two days, they do the usual drop-offs and I still do the pick-ups. He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

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So he can't manage 3 children but you are expected to manage 3 children....

Happytorepeatmyself · Yesterday 20:51

Cat’s chance in hell I’d agree to this

but this is not the sort of thing to hang around on. Just be polite but firm, so she has time to arrange something else. Drop her the message now in fact

Clarabell77 · Yesterday 20:51

Just read your updates about the pick ups - cheeky fuckers, tell them no and stop all the pick ups as well.

TheBlueKoala · Yesterday 20:52

@Kim926 Just tell them: "Sorry, but mornings can be quite hectic for us so I won't be able to help you out in the morning." End of.

SummitWrong · Yesterday 20:52

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:21

Currently her dad does the drop-offs and I do the pick-ups. But now he needs to drive her mum to work, they've asked me to do the drop-offs as well three days a week. On the other two days, they do the usual drop-offs and I still do the pick-ups. He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

Show quote history

Why are you picking up their kid when dad is sat at home with the younger ones?

ForeverNowWithin · Yesterday 20:52

So who is currently taking their child to school and who did it before she went on mat leave?

RealReginaPhalange · Yesterday 20:52

I would help out. Why everything has to be so transactional? You live next door, you go to school anyway, it literally costs you nothing.

i am assuming child will be ready to go and wont be needing breakfast.

Whyherewego · Yesterday 20:53

Just offer a reciprocal arrangement. So yes I can drop off if you do pick up. Then if they refuse it's a them thing not a you thing

ilbehonest · Yesterday 20:53

ask her if £100 a week is fine and then when she gasps just remind her cheeky questions get cheeky answers.

on a serious note. say no sorry I don't want to commit because I have poor mental health ATM (people seem to leave you alone when you say this)

hugasaurus · Yesterday 20:54

Nickyknackered · Yesterday 20:50

So he can't manage 3 children but you are expected to manage 3 children....

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Yes this struck me too! Fine for you to manage three but he can’t? I know quite a few people (women) who have to manage more than one younger child on school pick-up. They just get on with it.

Newname26 · Yesterday 20:54

WallaceinAnderland · Yesterday 20:34

You can only get 3 carseats in the back. I'm guessing they are too old for rear facing front seats.

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That still doesn't make sense. There is no reason not to put a car seat in the front. Even if it's one of the old children in it.

suki1964 · Yesterday 20:55

TBH I dont see it as cheeky, as she is your neighbour and kids go to the same school,

I see you are saying they won't be able to reciprocate , but Im sure they can in other ways.

As a child mum had a car, she would load all the kids in and drop them in the winter, but then when she was going to be home late from work, there was a neighbour who would take us in till she got in

or if there was an emergency ( nan needing help and only mum at home,) a neighbour would take us till she got back

Ok so Im going back a few years where we talked to neighbours and shared with them. Where we knew who was on nights so to keep the noise down, where all kids in the street were invited to the party

Upsetbetty · Yesterday 20:56

BirthdayTrash · Yesterday 20:24

He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

Well, they decided to have 3 children without your involvement. It is not on you to fix the consequences of that decision.

I actually don’t understand why having their other 2 dc is an issue? Space in the car or something?

SouthLondonMum22 · Yesterday 20:57

Not a chance. What happens when you are ill? What happens if your child is ill? I also wouldn't want to commit myself to 3 days a week.

Happytorepeatmyself · Yesterday 20:57

suki1964 · Yesterday 20:55

TBH I dont see it as cheeky, as she is your neighbour and kids go to the same school,

I see you are saying they won't be able to reciprocate , but Im sure they can in other ways.

As a child mum had a car, she would load all the kids in and drop them in the winter, but then when she was going to be home late from work, there was a neighbour who would take us in till she got in

or if there was an emergency ( nan needing help and only mum at home,) a neighbour would take us till she got back

Ok so Im going back a few years where we talked to neighbours and shared with them. Where we knew who was on nights so to keep the noise down, where all kids in the street were invited to the party

I loved my mornings with my two children before school. The idea of neighbour’s child in the mix? Nope.

Jenkibuble · Yesterday 20:58

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:01

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

This is too much IMO. If it was an occasional thing eg emergency then that is different. What you have been asked is cheeky!

She is doing it to save £. and needs a long term plan eg breakfast club /childminder .

Yes, you are doing the school run, but it is not the point. The other child could distract/slow down your own child's routine etc.

Also, worst case and something happens it could be difficult having to face them everyday eg if the child got injured / accident etc.

Opens a can of worms !

blenny23 · Yesterday 20:59

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:01

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

“I’m so sorry, our house is really chaotic in the mornings and this really wouldn’t work for us. I’m still happy to drop to school on occasion as we have previously done and I do hope you can work something out.”

Newname26 · Yesterday 20:59

Op I'd say 'No sorry, I'm bad enough trying to get me and my kids out the door in the morning'
This could end up being a commitment for the next 10 or 11 years.
Once you start it will be hard to stop.

Another crazy thing is if your trying to do the dentist or anything at 9.00 you'd still be expected to take their kid to school

And it's bad enough trying to do the 8am doctors calls without someone else's kids in the house.

NumberOneFanNot · Yesterday 21:00

Kim926 · Yesterday 20:21

Currently her dad does the drop-offs and I do the pick-ups. But now he needs to drive her mum to work, they've asked me to do the drop-offs as well three days a week. On the other two days, they do the usual drop-offs and I still do the pick-ups. He can't do the pick-ups on those three days either as he has their other two children with him, whereas I only have one younger child.

Show quote history

I would agree only on the basis that they agree to a reciprocal arrangement. Even if you know they couldn't agree to pick-ups, ask for this. I wouldn't assume they couldn't make adjustments - they might, in which case it's win-win, or they ditch the whole scenario and sort out drop off themselves.

I'd say you're happy to help in case of emergency - but you've your own little one to sort out in the morning as well (doesn't matter if they have two) to make a definite commitment for three days every week to drop off.

I'd avoid mentioning the lack of driving on the Mum's part.

youvemadeyourpoint · Yesterday 21:00

Most schools offer free breakfast club now for working parents. They shouldn’t be imposing on your very busy mornings trying to get your own kids out the door. I would just be honest and say ‘it’s chaos in the morning as it is, I’m just not going to be able to manage 3 no matter how well behaved their little one is, so sorry I can’t help you guys with this.’