AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

She doesn’t need a village she gets to get herself to work like an adult

As others have said, I just wouldn’t want the regular commitment. Also, if the children are in reception, you could be stuck with this arrangement for years!
It’s not your problem to solve. It’s theirs.

No. I would have no problem saying no to this. You're end up resenting the arrangement.
None of the other details are relevant! Just simply "i would rather non thank you"

I have a phobia of driving and don’t drive but I have never once in my life relied on anyone to get me to work. She wants drivers benefits but with no driving. She’s lazy and entitled.

I don't like how they've made their arrangements around you doing this for them. They're taking for granted that she has this quirk that means she needs a lift, but that you can't have any such quirks that mean you don't want to do all this childcare (which is what it is effectively) for them. Reciprocated favours are one thing, but them relying on you for all this help is too much and taking the piss.

Even if there wasn't the extra detail that they could actually do the school run if the wife got herself to work (she needn't drive, it doesn't sound far to walk/bus anyway), it would still be too much of an imposition and need wraparound care, not an imposition on a neighbour who has her own life/kids/priorities to juggle without taking on their DC just to be nice. Say a nice but firm nope and don't doubt yourself.

Tell her youre not insured to be a child minder and you cant do it.

I'm starting to feel a bit of a mug for providing free childcare while he's actually at home ... but this new request has made me look at the whole thing differently

I don't understand why you're doing childcare when he's at home anyway, but these requests often have a way of expanding, and if you''d agreed to this there'd soon be something else, then something else again

Better to put a line in the sand before it gets completely out of control

Just say to her no your mornings are chaotic and special family time and you don’t want to bring another child into the mix. But you are happy to continue with the status quo of ocassional lift sharing if she wants.

So he used to do all the drop offs, and you did all the pick-ups? So a completely 50/50 arrangement?

But now the plan is that he wants you to do 3 drop-offs in the morning as well as still do all the 5 pick-ups in tje afternoon?

So of the ten school journeys a week, he’s now doing 2 and asking you to do 8? (as well as provide pre-school childcare).

That’s not on!

Just be honest and say that you were happy to share the responsibility when it was 50/50 but now that it’s 80% on you, you feel a little taken advantage of.

Or can you create a reason as to why it doesn’t work for you??

Afterall, he’s now asking you to do something three mornings a week that is completely outside of your usual routine.

Sounds like she's taken the job on the basis of you helping.

You'll need to say no

I may have missed this, so apologies if I have but are you a SAHM?
There was a great thread a few years back where other school parents had assumed that OP would be looking after their kids for the summer holidays pretty much every week day because she was a SAHM. When that OP said no the other couple went a bit nuts, saying she said she’d help (she had said in passing she could maybe help out a bit). They both turned up at her door, saying she said she would help, they were stuck and she was at home anyway. Her husband gave them what for, said yes she is a SAHM because they had made the choice that he would work, and they sacrificed her career so she could stay home and look after their children, and nobody else’s children! It was a great thread.
Some people are so entitled and cheeky!

I’d be concerned about her plans for
school holidays, tbh.

I'm not clear ont eh timings.

What time will mum start work? If they are leaving at 7.30 I'm guessing around 8am and Dad will be back at 8.30ish. can't they drop their DC at school on way back?

Does the school have a school have a breakfast club?

I would be looking for ways to make this work together as you currently do 5:5 so there is benefit but I would not be having such a young child dropped off at 7.30.

I'm also not sure why they can't do the other days/evenings when the mum isn't working.

They're treating you like an unpaid nanny.

Anyone else also wondering what their arrangement was before this maternity leave? Did mum drive herself then or did the dad still have to take her along with a toddler and baby?

I used to go to a neighbour with an arrangement like this (in the 70s). I keep meaning to ask my mum is she was paid. Surely she must have been, but I never saw any money change hands.

I would want something back what do you work that would benefit you like she has your child 3 days after school until you finish work

What she wants is to not do it.

They need to reciprocate

Sounds like she took the job assuming you’d be good with it

I hope you/your DH has said no by now! She clearly accepted this job assuming you'd take up the slack for them. You need to drop the rope and she needs to overcome whatever it is that's stopping her from driving, if she can.

I would just say that while you're happy to help out with lifts home (if you are, that is) you don't want to enter into a permanent arrangement for the mornings too, so they'll have to make other plans.

No lengthy explanation, no apology, just a very clear boundary. If they don't like it and kick off, say if that's the way they're going to behave, they need to do pick ups too going forward.

Then she needs to just say no its as simple as that.

Agree with this.

Either she gets a taxi, a bus, or they put the child in before school care so the dad can drive the mum to work on time.

Asking you to provide childcare 3 days a week so the mum can be chauffeured to work is a bit gobsmacking actually. Does she think she's a princess?

When I was in primary school our neighbour at the back of us would take me to school with her three kids every morning, but my mum was a single full time working teacher and I was good friends with her daughters, so I would have breakfast then pop through the gap in the fence every morning to their house when my mum left for work. This only went on for a year before I was old enough to walk to school by myself. I always thought it was such a nice thing for the neighbour to do for my mum.

What's your 'wage' going to be, @99bottlesofkombucha ?