AIBU to think this is a bit much to ask for school run?

[Kim926]

Our next-door neighbours have a daughter in the same Reception class as my son.

We already help each other with school pick-ups occasionally, and I've been happy with that arrangement.

The mum is now increasing her working days to three days a week after maternity leave and has asked if, on those three mornings, they can leave their daughter with us before work so that I can take her to school with my son.

For a bit more context, the mum isn't unable to drive, but she doesn't drive. Her husband drives her to work, which is about 15 minutes away, and this is why they need someone else to take their daughter to school on those mornings.

They literally live next door and I'm obviously going to the same school anyway, so I know it might not sound like a huge extra task. I also have a two-year-old at home, though, and mornings with my own two children are already busy.

I think what has made me uncomfortable is that this isn't really an occasional favour or helping out in an emergency. It would be a regular three-day-a-week arrangement because of their change in working pattern. It feels a little like their childcare/school run responsibility is being transferred to us simply because we happen to live next door and our children attend the same school.

I also feel awkward saying no because we are literally next-door neighbours and I will inevitably see them at school drop-off on the days I've said I can't do it.

AIBU to think three mornings every week is quite a lot to ask of a neighbour? Or is this considered a fairly normal favour between families when the children go to the same school?

Could you move house OP?

😂😂

Unless she would be reciprocating in some way (eg by doing regular pick ups), I wouldn’t be happy with this.

It’s not just driving their child, is it? It’s having an extra kid in the house in the morning for an hour, another child to bundle out the door, another one who might need a last minute poo or whatever. And another one who might be tearful going into school. I would find that stressful. Mornings are stressful enough.

If there were reciprocity, then yeah I would potentially be up for it. Otherwise, no.

Something like “sorry, i decided not to branch out into childminding”

How on earth does he manage to do a day’s work with two such little ones in the house? That’s bonkers.

He should be taking his own child to school with that set up, not asking for free childcare.

Then the Mum gets herself to work as any adult should be able to.

It’s a bonkers favour request from a two parent family, one of whom is at home. She could alternatively start work at a time that allows her husband to do the school run and drive her in, either earlier or later. I’m sure her work wouldn’t mind her coming in earlier!

Easy, you drop your toddler off with him, while you take the 2 older ones to school.

Make sure you do some shopping and came back to your house (put shopping away) and then pick toddler up. Sorted.

I'd be saying I already have my hands full with my two and I just couldn't cope with another sorry . . .

That’d be a hard no, she’ll have to get a taxi to work so her husbands free to do the morning school run. I’d go with the reaction I’ve seen mentioned on mumsnet before - ‘tinkly laugh’ oh sorry that doesn’t work for me.

Has he answered? What did he say at the time!

To all the 'it takes a village' people, the thing that's mega cheeky about this request is that the neighbour and her husband already have a perfectly good solution to their problem that doesn't involve adding to OP's plate at all - they just don't want to do it.

That's what would piss me off the most.

Not that there's really a good excuse for taking a job that you can't get to without needing favours from other people, but if it really was a genuine 'single mum needs to get to work at X time and is really stuck' situation, maybe you'd agree as a good will gesture.

But OP is being asked to commit to this ball ache of an arrangement just because the mum can't be arsed to drive herself and the dad can't cope with his own three children. Fuck that.

Nah. Even if they asked your husband I’d be nipping this one in the bud directly ‘as I’m sure you understand mornings are fairly fraught and i feel the pressure of an extra child would be too much so you’re better to find a more reliable regular arrangement. Always happy to help out in an emergancy’.

theres so many solutions that don’t put the load on another family. Including her driving or her getting to work a bit earlier/later (with their child in the car) so then hubby can go back to school in time. They need to work out an alternative themselves that doesn’t inpose

It doesn't take much imagination to suss what her "plans" for this might be

Perhaps it's also the reason she's approached OP in early July, as in get her hooked up and then hit her with "the arrangements I'd got in place have fallen through, could you just ..."

To all the 'it takes a village' people ...,

Did you have to, @IThrewASnakeAtPalomaFaithsFace - I now have an earworm:

"It's fun to stay at thhe YYYYY MCA"

Young man, there's no need to feel down.

This would annoy me.

Its the attitude of give an inch, take a mile. Some people are simply "take take take". I had a neighbour like this. If you helped her out with a lift for a DC one time in an emergency, she'd take that as an opportunity to ask you to do that every week from now on. She never bought anything without asking if anyone could give her one free, but only ever sold things herself & never ever gave anything away or "paid it forward".

I would be really careful op. It will be 3 days now, then before you know it she will literally be 5 days pick up and collect & she will gradually stop helping you.

I assume you are directing your comment in my direction.
I am not a take take take person. Nor am I a CF nor am I the neighbour.
If you want to discuss something someone has posted at least do it directly to the person concerned. Don’t hide behind someone else’s awful comment.

FFS.

Weren't you suggesting the opposite? Asking her what would benefit her that she could get in exchange?

Childish. Capitals can convey emphasis, not just shouting, did you really not know that?

Because it could work in her benefit but if she doesn't want to then she doesn't want to she's an adult she's quite capable of deciding what she wants to do

Well this is spot on. Absolutely spot on.

I’m a bit confused. If her work is 15 min drive away, why are they dropping DD off an hour before school at 7.30? If she starts work at 8am, that’s enough time for her DH to drive her to work and take their DD to school afterwards.

No they were not available. Husband is sending a message.

who asked your husband? The wife or husband?

I may have missed this, so apologies if I have but are you a SAHM?
There was a great thread a few years back where other school parents had assumed that OP would be looking after their kids for the summer holidays pretty much every week day because she was a SAHM. When that OP said no the other couple went a bit nuts, saying she said she’d help (she had said in passing she could maybe help out a bit). They both turned up at her door, saying she said she would help, they were stuck and she was at home anyway. Her husband gave them what for, said yes she is a SAHM because they had made the choice that he would work, and they sacrificed her career so she could stay home and look after their children, and nobody else’s children! It was a great thread.
Some people are so entitled and cheeky!

Yes, I remember that thread! The OP had mentioned in passing, that she could help out occasionally if they were stuck, and somehow this ended up as the OP being obliged to take someone’s children for the whole school holiday! It was nuts

If anyone could unearth that thread, please do post a link!