AIBU to see his reaction to being called boy as a red flag?

[Poppies2222x]

I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and something happened this morning that has made me question whether he’s got an ego problem that could be a cause for concern.

Me and three friends (all in our late 20s) booked a woodland lodge for three nights Thursday to Sunday for a weekend away and my boyfriend has come with us.

This morning after breakfast we were relaxing around the hot tub and my friend told BF “come on, get the drinks poured, boy” not in a rude tone but in a funny ‘let’s get this party started’ kind of way. She’s very bubbly and didn’t mean anything by it. He poured the drinks with a moody look on his face and a few minutes later however he said he really took offence and said he wasn’t a boy, he was a man, and that he found it disrespectful. The mood changed quite quickly and afterwards he was still annoyed about it.

I asked him why it bothered him so much and he said that being called a boy was belittling. I found this extremely cringy and fragile on his part and I’m wondering why he would view this as belittling? To me it seems he views boys as below him and I don’t want a partner with a fragile ego who thinks men are superior to everyone else including boys.

I was just discussing this with my friends whilst he was on a walk and they all found it off putting and embarrassing on his part.

AIBU for seeing this as a bit of a red flag, or is it reasonable for him to want to be referred to as a man rather than a boy?

So, are you OK with being called boy?

So if him and 2 friends said ‘pour the drinks, bitch’ to you, you’d be ok?

No other men there? Pretty brave of him to go, personally. Boys plural is totally different to boy singular.

I think your friend was very rude. Why did you take your new boyfriend on a girls trip?

I was thinking the same. If I was the only female in a group of men and they said “get the drinks poured, girl”, I probably would have objected as well.

You might think so. Your partner clearly didn't agree. "It was just a joke" is a common excuse made by those who treat other people badly but then can't cope with being called out for their rudeness.

We’re all white so it’s not this.

She sounds like a cocky little shit

One of those 'characters' that are so colourful and often 'tell it like it is' types.

If my DH said ‘get me a beer woman’ when he’s with his mates I would know he was joking and call him a cheeky sod. Maybe your friend was making a point that your boyfriend was gatecrashing the girls trip though.

come on, get the drinks poured, boy”

😖

Calling someone boy here is an insult. If it's a POC, those are fightin' words because it's racist as hell.

It comes from white people calling black men boy to degrade them.

That Bitch was Rude!! I'd pour her a drink all right.

My ‘boomer’ parents find it offensive to refer to a grown man as ‘boy’ when ordering something etc because of the connotations. If he was brought up with parents or grandparents who feel the same then I can see why he was offended

Girl is belittling in a different way - it’s infantilising

but regardless, you don’t like him enough to keep going out with him so dont! But might be worth mentioning to your friend that she may want to consider her language in future

YABU.

To me it seems he views boys as below him and I don’t want a partner with a fragile ego who thinks men are superior to everyone else including boys.

This is a reach. Women who object to being called girls don't do so because they think they're better than girls.

You know your friend so you understood her tone but I can easily see how it came across as really rude and belittling. It's a shame he couldn't shake it off or else raise his objection then so it could have been sorted out, but I don't think it's wrong that he didn't like being spoken to like that.

Also just to check, is he black? Using the word "boy" to a black man is really offensive.

Being white does not excuse using a racist term. @Poppies2222x you still haven't answered the suggestion that you call a male colleague or boss 'boy' and see what happens.

It's a very specific and awful insult if your BF is an ethnic minority

OP I see you say this isn't applicable..in that case I see it as a lighthearted teasing thing to say ...a play on him serving women..almost a reference to a reverse of the usual standard ..so acknowledging that and teasing it. His reacting isn't a good sign

Your friend was rude .

I think it’s a total over reaction on his part. It’s quite common for people to call each other girls or boys, in a lighthearted way.
his extreme reaction would be a red flag for me and give me the ick.
he may be could have made a lighthearted comment and humours comment back to make his point and not kill the atmosphere.

Did your friends even want him there? Sounds awkward to invite him with your mates

Your friend was incredibly rude.

How would you feel if you were with him and 2 of his friends and one of them said 'pour the drinks, girl'.

Because I would be fucking pissed off at being called a girl at my age and for being told to do something by someone I barely knew in a way that resembled someone talking to a servant.

I work in a salon with only women so I can’t do this anyway?

That's ridiculous. The same thing would be pour the drinks girl and I'm sorry but you'd be a complete twat to take major offence to that

Your friend was rude and labelling it as bubbly still makes it rude. You are excusing her bad behaviour and then bitching about it.

I can definitely see red flags but not where you see them. I’d dump your arse tbh!

Am I the only one who thinks it's weird that he's gone on a girls trip? OP if you stay with him keep an eye out for controlling behaviour

Absolutely. It smacks of "Why are you so upset that Dave called you sugar tits? That's just how he is. I talked to all my mates and we agreed that you're over-reacting."