AIBU to see his reaction to being called boy as a red flag?

[Poppies2222x]

I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and something happened this morning that has made me question whether he’s got an ego problem that could be a cause for concern.

Me and three friends (all in our late 20s) booked a woodland lodge for three nights Thursday to Sunday for a weekend away and my boyfriend has come with us.

This morning after breakfast we were relaxing around the hot tub and my friend told BF “come on, get the drinks poured, boy” not in a rude tone but in a funny ‘let’s get this party started’ kind of way. She’s very bubbly and didn’t mean anything by it. He poured the drinks with a moody look on his face and a few minutes later however he said he really took offence and said he wasn’t a boy, he was a man, and that he found it disrespectful. The mood changed quite quickly and afterwards he was still annoyed about it.

I asked him why it bothered him so much and he said that being called a boy was belittling. I found this extremely cringy and fragile on his part and I’m wondering why he would view this as belittling? To me it seems he views boys as below him and I don’t want a partner with a fragile ego who thinks men are superior to everyone else including boys.

I was just discussing this with my friends whilst he was on a walk and they all found it off putting and embarrassing on his part.

AIBU for seeing this as a bit of a red flag, or is it reasonable for him to want to be referred to as a man rather than a boy?

'Boy' was an insult.

Funny how suddenly describing somebody's job is an insult where actually insulting a man isn't.

It’s amazing the lengths some women will go to to downplay the feelings of Men. These are probably the same women who are keen to have a go at men who are emotionally detached.

With a minority of Mumsnet posters men are damned if they do or damned if they don’t!

You are so unreasonable to bring your new boyfriend on a girls' weekend. I'd have been fuming if I was one of the others. No wonder your girlfriend couldn't resist having a little dig (to which he totally overreacted).

It's a word. It's meaning depends on who is saying it, who they are saying it to and, crucially, context.

Whereas it is blatantly obvious that 'pissed hairdressers' was used as an insult.

Why are so keen to defend this guy anyway?
Are you female? If so let me say this, no man is ever going to defend your right to be NOT referred to as a girl. They don't give a shit.

So don't do the same for them.

Yet you appear to me to have little regard for hairdressers- who are mostly female, mostly not wealthy, and mostly working-class and not university-educated.

You seem to insult them. They're fair game.
Poor little man referred to as a 'boy', though, that's terrible.
😂

I mean if I went on a holiday with my husband and his friends and one of them said to me ‘come on get the drinks poured girl’ I would be pretty pissed off.

Your friend may well have not meant to offend - but she has. There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend finding her comment offensive.

I don’t think this makes your friend a villain, or your boyfriend. Shit happens but I think it is unfair to disregard his feelings on it.

Taking yourself too seriously is a massive red flag for me. It was obviously said as a joke because it’s obvious he’s not a boy. I’d have dumped him on the journey home

I'm not wealthy. I'm working class (well, underclass for the first 35 years of my life). I certainly couldn't have afforded a holiday in July at any point compared to a skilled manual worker and potentially a business owner like a hairdresser. The reason I'm not now? Male employers who looked beyond my appearance and clothes - because I couldn't afford nice ones - and trained and promoted me.

Never felt the need to single out a guest at a do or another employee to make them feel small and unimportant compared to me at any point.

I cannot believe the turn this has taken !! Flabbergasted anyone would think boy is an insult to an adult white male. And this hair dresser nonsense?? Talk about derailing. The heat has got to every one.

Op please tell us you didn't spend the day mollifying this splodge.

And that you are going to dump him

He was invited by the OP. He didn’t impose himself. If he was invited it was reasonable for him to think his OP knew the dynamics and thought it was appropriate for him to be there.

”Girls weekends” can be very different depending on the women present. They can either be lairy and alcohol fuelled where women revel in being in all-female company, or they can just be a set of friends having a relaxing time where someone’s sex is largely irrelevant. How was the BF expected to know? The OP knew the personalities…. And yet it’s somehow the BF’s fault for accepting?!
This is plain misandry…

I‘d bet good money that those berating the BF for accepting the OPs invitation, would also cry “red flag” if he had declined the invitation, for being such a selfish pig that he refused to spend time with the OP’s friends.

Some posters just HATE men on MN, and they can do no right.

I'm flabbergasted that anyone would think it's an insult to an adult white male, too.
I hope she's not molly coddling him.
He's thin-skinned, abusive or both.

Hope she's got rid of him and is having a good time with her friends.

Not inferior but he has geown into a man!
What a friend...right birach.

It is....but still wasn't answering the qn

This morning after breakfast we were relaxing around the hot tub and my friend told BF “come on, get the drinks poured, boy” not in a rude tone but in a funny ‘let’s get this party started’ kind of way. She’s very bubbly and didn’t mean anything by it.

Imagine the roles were reversed… How different this thread would be!

The Op who invited his GF would be castigated, not the GF for accepting…

And the guy who ordered the “girl” to pour the drinks would be a sexist dickhead.

And the OP who said “he didn’t mean anything of it” would be torn off a strip for thinking sexist banter was acceptable.

This is insane… A man who says he’s not happy being called a “boy” is now abusive! This truly is the twilight zone where some women are so twisted in their hatred for men that this somehow makes sense.

I wouldn't berate any man who refused to attend so you're utterly incorrect.

I'd regard such a man as being wise in realising that perhaps he didn't belong there, that his girlfriend needed to let her hair down with other women, and as such he'd politely refuse.
Wave her a cheery goodbye and wish her a good time.
Yes, that's what a smart man would do.

Perhaps you are being misogynist by assuming that I, and the other women who agree with me here, would think that way.

Weird how you expand dislike of THIS particular man to all men, though.

Like some nasty women hate all men.

So someone's male partner tells me: "come on, get the drinks poured girl" I'd be like: "eff off and get your own bloody drink and who are you calling 'girl'. That ship sailed a long time ago." Was he being ganged up on as the only male there?

Me too! So rude and disrespectful.

Let me be clear about this: disliking the actions of one man-in this case the man in this thread- does not equate to hating all men.

It comes across as unhinged to say that it does.

By all means disagree with what others are saying, though.

Nope. I wouldn't give a damn at being called a girl.
Wrong again.
In fact, I'd love it.

Hmmm. It’s more than a stretch to believe you’d “love” a loud and lairy man ordering you to get the drinks sorted in a group of other men.

Your friend was so rude for ordering him to pour the drinks and then calling him "boy". Made worse by the fact that they're only acquaintances

Are you a man?
If you are not then disregard the rest of what I'm about to say here.

But really, telling a woman how she should feel in a situation is, in my opinion, paternalistic, sexist and patronising. I draw the line at misogynistic but yes it is paternalistic, patronising and sexist.

Because you, as a man, are telling me how I would feel. And I resent that.

I have told you that in this situation if the roles were reversed I would not care. And I mean it.