To be upset with DD for this?

[dressdrama26]

Last year I lent my DD (19) a summer dress to go on holiday with her boyfriend. I’m going on holiday myself in a few weeks with DH and asked her for the dress back (assuming it was still in her wardrobe). She said “I’m not sure if I still have it, I think I sold it on Vinted”. I was perplexed, asked her why on earth she would do this? She said “well I just didn’t think you wanted it back”. In fairness, I hadn’t asked her for it back since last summer as I hadn’t needed it yet, but still, surely you don’t sell an item of clothing someone has lent you just because the person hasn’t asked for it back yet? Just seems crazy to assume the person doesn’t want it back and is happy for you to sell it? She’s normally a caring and lovely girl, so this has thrown me off a bit as it feels really disrespectful. She offered to replace it and has already ordered the replacement and paid for faster delivery so it arrives before my holiday, but I’m still just left a bit bewildered and disappointed. Am I overreacting to be upset here?

Just to add, I think this upset me a bit more than it might usually because this was my favourite summer dress and I was really looking forward to packing it for my holiday this year.

Yes yanbu to be surprised but she has resolved it and could have easily been a misunderstanding that you gave it her. So move on and be grateful she was so willing to resolve it without any conflict.

Why didn't she ask before she sold it if you definitely didn't want it back or not? It's pretty cheeky to just sell it without asking first. I'd be pissed off too

Thanks @Soggydog- appreciate it was easily resolved but it definitely wasn’t a misunderstanding, I’d made it clear it was to borrow not keep as it’s one of my favourites.

Yeah YANBU but she's instantly apologised and fixed it. She's a teenager, they fuck up. It's not a big deal now she's sorted it.

i know you said you made it clear but she’s equally obviously made a mistake and thought it was a gift.

Not unreasonable to be annoyed initially but given that she’s apologised and is replacing it immediately, I’d say unreasonable to still be significantly annoyed now.

Bewildered is a bit much isn’t it? She’s a caring lovely girl who resolved the issue straight away 🤷‍♀️

I think if she's normally nice and has resolved it so quickly, I'd put it down to an error of judgement and move on.

Astonished at the “never mind” responses. I’d be bloody livid that at 19 years old she thinks it’s OK to sell someone else’s property.

Apologies are just words.

She’s resolved it for you straight away, so you’ll have your favourite dress in time for your holiday. All fixed, no issues. If she’s generally a lovely girl and this is a one off, can only assume she didn’t realise how much the dress meant to you. Time to move on.

If it were my daughter I'd be proud of how she had resolved a mistake she made with such consideration for the person it affected. I understand it's a surprise when a usually lovely, well-rounded daughter makes a mistake that feels out of disrespect but she is only 19 and 19 year olds still make mistakes. I'd just be mindful of not holding her to 'perfect behaviour ' standards otherwise you could breed anxiety later down the line.

I think what threw me was the causal “not sure if I still have it, think I sold it…”, it’s just very out of character for her to be so dismissive, is all. But maybe it was a genuine misunderstanding where she believed I’d given it to her; however I do remember saying at the time that’s one of my favourites so please look after it.

I think I’d laugh if my dd did that, as it’s so bloody cheeky!
But your dd sounds lovely (as is mine) and is probably really embarrassed now, so definitely forgive her.
(Yes I’m a total soft touch when it comes to my dd)

I voted you are being unreasonable as she has acted to fix the problem

She made a mistake, owned up and fixed it.

I'd be fine with that.

Thanks everyone, seems overall I’m unreasonable, which is fair enough. And I do appreciate that she resolved it quickly, as I’ve said. I think it just threw me a bit because I thought I’d made it clear how important the dress was to me when I handed it over, but maybe she’d forgotten. I’m not in any way holding it against her, I’ve just thanked her for ordering a new one and it’s not been mentioned again. Just been playing on my mind a bit is all.

YABU as she's bought you a brand new replacement.

She’s fixed it. Let it go.

Demand she pays you back.

It sounds like regardless of what you said, the fact that you never asked for the dress back made her think you’d given it to her. Which is reasonable considering that most people would ask for it back when she returned, not just never mention it again until a year later.

Selling it without a “Hey Mum, you never bothered about getting this dress back so is it alright if I pop it on Vinted?” was cheeky. But she’s a teen and she’s done a lovely job rectifying it by buying you a brand new one so I don’t think it’s reasonable to be upset at her still. I’d be upset at myself for being careless about my favourite dress but not at her.

I think something happened to it, stained etc, she couldn't face telling you and hoped you'd never ask. Easily done as a teen. She's made it right, so let it go.

It sounds like a misunderstanding. Your dress didn't mean as much to her as it did to you, but she's made good now.

She resolved it immediately so this is a non issue.

@Cora0 unsure how I was careless with the dress? I lent it to my daughter in good faith, expecting she would look after it for me until I needed it again. It’s been in her wardrobe since she returned from holiday last summer (so I assumed), and because I don’t wear summer dresses over winter I’d not needed it back before now. How exactly was this carelessness on my part?

She was unreasonable to sell it but she has acknowledged that by immediately replacing it. Problem solved and you can both move on in my mind.