To think that DH overstepped the line here…

[Pistachiocoffeeyes]

This evening I was having a peaceful time in my garden until I overheard DH being animated with DS. I thought nothing of it other than a routine bed-time argument until DH about 20 minutes later came to me, all furious because apparently I told DS that we would not be visiting his DM this weekend because I had said so. For context, the air conditioning in the car is broken and his DM lives over an hour away, we also would have to take our dog with us and I am not prepared to go ahead with this unless the air - con is fixed. I relayed this to him and he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Am I BU? Or, do I need to stand my ground here?

Tell him it's not pay per view..

No way would I go anywhere without air con at the moment.

Will your dps be relieved?
Nowt to stop him going
.you and ddog enjoy the peace.

What do you mean by bedtime argument and how old is your son?
this in isolation I can maybe see from both sides if you haven’t had the conversation with him before about not going and you have a past of sidelining his parents but absolutely not ok for him to be aggressive and disrespectful if that’s what happened

Yeah I wouldn’t be going anywhere in a car without aircon.

Thank you. No idea why I’m doubting myself - perhaps just shocked that he thinks it would be ok to travel with a young child and dog!! Also, I have told him how I regularly get out of the car and almost faint because it’s too much for me. These temperatures are crazy!

Do the windows in the car work?
Then pretend it’s the 20th century

It's probably a conversation you should have had with your DH before telling your DS. Maybe he would have come up with a solution. Are you skipping work/school or whatever other activities include driving this summer?

Makes you wonder doesnt it, how the human race has survived for so long 😅😇

We were doing ok until about 20 years ago

The world is gone mad

Omg, I feel old. It doesn't seem that long ago that my boss bought a new Merc with all mod cons but no AC 🤣

It seems like a feeble excuse not to visit GPs to me, but also not something you should have decided unilaterally, and then told DS before you told DH. .

I'd just talk to your husband rather than posting here. If there was a trip planned to visit your MIL this weekend I can see how he would be surprised to hear it had been "cancelled" without your talking with him about it or even telling him. It might have felt confusing when DS knew about the cancellation and he didn't. DS might not have understood, or might not have explained well, that the lack of air conditioning was the reason. You seem to have different ideas about how family decisions are made and communicated, so see if you can agree how to handle things like this going forward. If he wants a discussion between the two of you rather than one person making and announcing the decision alone and not telling the other, I think that's pretty reasonable.

How old is your child?

This is a form of abusive behaviour if he is arguing with a child about this before bed and slagging you off. Your poor kid :(

But I do agree maybe you should have had a convo with your DH and not let him hear it from your child.

I'd be most worried about the dogs. You can roll your windows down. That's fine for people. Dogs are more sensitive. I'm in Australia and, on the hottest days, I stay home and don't leave them in case the air con conks out. The age of your child matters here too. With a baby or toddler, obviously not.

How young is your child? I tend to agree you shouldn't have discussed this with your young child before your DH. But your DH sounds gross anyway- why is he expecting money from your parents, or taking money from his own parents in the first place.

(This is missing the point of your thread but may be useful). Your air con might just need to be topped up which can be done at the likes of Halfords etc.

Are your family regularly arguing over pointless things? Or in general?
I drive to and from work in a car gasp with no aircon 45 minutes each way every day. I even bigger gasp use these massive things known as 'windows' to let air in. Kids do not mind, pets do not mind, we even have a holiday home a 3 hour drive away and managed it today in order to have a long weekend away. In the non air coned car. With kids and pets - in heat - without any arguments.
The more issues I see and read on MN the more I am starting to blame the fact men exist full stop because so many issues start with men saying or doing things or breathing in fact.

Exactly. People managed to survive during car journeys pre-aircon in places which are hotter than the UK.

he became even more angry saying how DS spends more time with my parents and how his DM and DSD contribute more financially so he’s cutting my parents off! Poor DS told me how he couldn’t sleep because his dad had upset him. Leaving aside the Aircon/windows issue - your DH has really upset your DS. Is he often like this? How old is your DS?

Drive in a roasting car for a hour when you don't have to because people in the past didn't have air conditioning, how is that logical? I am sure plenty of people in the past would have put off such a journey if they could have too. Talk about being a martyr!

Routine bedtime argument?

💩 getting ludicrous over here 😂

Another father shouting at his child because he is angry with his wife. I would have text the message to DH rather than expected him to have read my mind. How do his parents ‘contribute’more? Do you get on with them? Why is Ddog going too?

It's disgusting he took out his frustration on his child. Completely out of order and abusive. The conversation or argument should only be with the other adult in this scenario. "Oh really? Let me talk to mum, don't worry we will sort it out, don't worry about it now." And continue bedtime.

Yeah I wouldn’t be going anywhere in a car without aircon.

I wouldn't be going anywhere in life with such a nasty man around.

Your poor child. You need to protect him from his bully father, and yourself too.