To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

I think id message back and say “you were rude to me and haven’t even apologised so no I don’t think it’s unreasonable to rescind the offer to host. I’m not joining dh and friends evening”
I think I’d even be clearer and say I was taking a step back from the friendship and then mute her. You don’t need this hassle. I’d also be having a word with dh, fine for him to keep his friend but he needs to support you. You haven’t done anything wrong in this situation so acting like you are being an “emotional woman “ is bang out of order.

🥰

I couldn’t get worked up over this provided she was a good friend otherwise. It’s all very dramatic. How old are you all… You’ll probably tell your friends all about this, people talk.

Ok so you're justifiably upset but I'd try to take a deep breath now and just make it clear to your friend what is really the problem.

"Hi friend. I don't want this to get more out of hand than it already is. I am upset. You sent me that message by accident so it was clearly intended for someone else who you had been slagging me off to. It's not the crime of the century but it is very hurtful. I don't understand why you won't apologise sincerely for that. Now you are insisting on coming over with your DH when I'm still smarting. Please try to see things from my point of view."

If your dP is going to be a spineless arse, I’d ask other friends to come over earlier than the “friend” - take all available seats & hog the tv.

Just clue your other friends in - I’d stick to my chair like glue.

Oh yes, I forgot she still hasn’t apologised 😵‍💫.

Book yourself a night away somewhere.

Remove the fuse from the TV plug and the batteries from the remote before you leave.

Shower of arseholes.

Maybe ask your friend to coordinate with your husband as you’ve hosted once and feel its now her turn? You are unavailable OP

Haha. Perfect.

That should end the female friendship good and proper and the husband wont bother turning up at yours again.

Failing that, just cut the plug off the TV and blame the cat/kids/dog...

OP your DH is a selfish arse. Show him the thread...

Your ex friend is irrelevant now, OP. I would not leave my own house to make way for them. I would send 'you are not welcome at my house' and block. As far as your husband goes, loyalty is a dealbreaker to me. No way back from it.

Absolutely this….
Why should you be driven out of your own home… I would tell DH very firmly that he needs to get his head out of his arse, that she is not welcome in your house, and if he wants to watch football with his mate it happens at their house.

I can't believe how disloyal your husband is.

DH is being an utter dick. Tell him to go there and take his supermarket beer with him.

I wonder how he would react to OPs disloyalty if the situation was reversed?

It reminds me of when the men say ‘the divorce just came out of nowhere! We were happy!’

Can't your husband go to their house,I would just stay at home.
They can have their cozy evening the 3 of them!
If she turns up , I'd lay into her how bloody snobby and rude she was,so she'll probably leave anyway! Do not back down on this

This, or if he’s insisting they come, sort yourself out a takeaway and drinks… sod them

I’d make a joke of it at this point. Provide oven chips and fish fingers and supermarket beers (posh ones if necessary) and laugh about the whole thing. But then, stick to it. Like, for the rest of your life. Never offer them more than freezer food or chips and beer. Ever. And when you’re with them at anyone else’s house or in a restaurant, eat normally. Two can play this game!

completely ignoring the other issues (I did comment on original thread about her rudeness ) I can’t see why a grown woman can’t be “home alone” on a Saturday night ? I think I would quite enjoy it , bottle of wine, nibbles and no one apart from me to watch the football or tennis or rugby undusturbed - heavenly

ignoring all that I can’t see why she isn’t apologetic on any level . Even if you think you’re in the right with a friendship at stake surely you would be a teeny bit conciliatory ?

Absolutely I would feel the same. She should have apologised straight away, she has no excuse now you’ve told her how you feel and that you feel an apology is warranted. What a rude CF.

This woman is an absolute cunt!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry I agree with this. And there are genuinely posters suggesting you reassess your marriage over this?? Completely over the top. She wasn't incredibly rude, your food made her and her husband unwell, she didn't mean to say anything to you and then from your own updates explained this fairly politely when challenged. Would the only acceptable response have been to pretend that hadn't happened?

Yes, who on earth would insist on going to someone else’s house knowing you’re not actually welcome?! I’d rather stay home too. And what about the other invite she was declining which she accidentally sent to the OP that started all this?! I’d tell her she’s free to go there after all, no Pepto required.

My thoughts exactly!

Take the all remotes and batteries and put them under your passenger seat. The TV itself might be a bit cumbersome, take the power cable.

Leave 30 seconds before kick off.

It’s all about her. SHE wants to come over. SHE doesn’t want to apologise. SHE doesn’t like your food. SHE doesn’t want to stay home alone.

And it’s all about your husband. He wants his friends over regardless of how you feel.

Im fuming in your behalf. If she’d apologised immediately (as most people would!) you’d have probably moved on and probably not even posted. I can’t believe she hasn’t just said sorry.

so;

’Dear ‘not friend’

I understand that you do not want to spend the evening alone, however, you criticised my cooking behind my back (goodness knows what else you say behind my back) and when caught out you have not even had the good grace to apologise. That is not good friend behaviour. I have been clear that my feelings have been hurt by you mocking me behind my back and you have shown no empathy or regret. Whilst what you actually said might have been mild, the fact that it was behind my back makes me distrust you. It is that that hurts. For example, if you found out I was mocking you for [insert something shit about her here] to my friend, how would you feel?

You are not a good friend. You are not welcome in my home. I suggest the three of you watch the match at your house. Please don’t contact me again, do not come to my house.

It's not the fact of having had an upset tummy. It's the fact that she's clearly been bitching about the incident to at least one but probably more unrelated people sufficiently frequently that she can crack a joke about the pepto (so clearly it's been a major topic of conversation) and hasn't said anything about it to OP. That's not how a friend behaves.