To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

Ummmm - you really need to bin off your husband too!! If he can’t support you on something like this and is so dismissive of you for the love of God don’t have children with him!!

That's bullshit.

Neither OP nor her husband were ill, so why blame the food that OP prepared?

Food poisoning/tummy bugs aren't that targeted.

As others have said, she has such thick skin.
I couldn’t move on without an apology. She is making it all about her, and her needs/wants without any attempt at repair.

f**k that.

I would tell DH that she is not to set foot through the door. The blokes can conduct their friendship anywhere and everywhere else but not in your home.

The Op and her husband weren't ill. They all ate the same pasta dish.
Therefore seems very unlikely that their "food poisoning" originated at the Op's house.

Why would this woman force an invitation out of an unwilling host?

I’d really go to town with this @Dinnertext , wipe the floor with her, cut her off at the knees.

1. Tell DH that you hope he enjoys hosting, but you have other plans, so won’t be at home.
2. Placate DH by saying you’ve left nibbles and drinks for them to enjoy.
3. Leave shot glasses of Gaviscon on a pretty tray with ramekins full of Rennes, Settlers, Imodium, you get the idea.
4. Check into the best hotel nearby on DHs credit card. Use room service, use the mini bar, turn your phone off, have a massage, a spa, watch anything but football.
5. Check out when you’re ready and not before.

She almost certainly will turn up. Have a bag packed so you can leave when she arrives.

She’s a cow and your husband is a spineless cretin. I’d go out for the evening and take the TV remote with me and change the WiFi password for extra measure.

😆😆😆 yes to this!!

Don't leave your home.

Why should you be forced out?

Tell DH he has 2 choices.

He goes to their place and watches the game there.

or

Only his friend is to come, not her, she is not and never will be welcome in your home again.

Also the 'friend' considers she is invited as OP's husband has said she is, so she's happy to go round to someone's house where she knows one main person in the household really doesn't want her there, will probably bring a posh takeaway and consider that sufficient reparation despite the OP being very clear that this is not acceptable.
And it's 3 against one due to the selfish husband being too tight to go out to watch the match.
OP can you set up the TV in the garden?
Or if she does turn up, be like Mary in Ghosts, sit next to her saying 'getoutgetoutgetoutgetputgetout' till she does?
What a horrible situation for you @Dinnertext !

An apology would suffice. Yanbu to not speak to her unless one is forthcoming. Even if she doesn’t really mean it, she’s meeting you half way. No apology is just plain rude and insulting on top of the original insult.
I’d be furious with dh for not seeing that:

They are all awful. You need to put your foot down and say the husband isn’t allowed in your home. If you DH wants to spend time with him there are a variety or establishments he can do so in.

The only time you would be unreasonable would be if you were trying to stop dh seeing his friend. But you aren’t, so you are not.

I missed some of the updates on the other thread (will go back and check) but shocked at the audacity of her insisting on coming over when you've said she's not welcome!

I had a quick look while waiting on the football (actually enjoy the world cup) to see if there were any updates on this one. I'm not reading it again. I found myself getting angry on your behalf OP with the mere suggestion of your DH ignoring your upset & being accepting of this woman's husband having the audacity to sit in your house knowing the upset his wife has caused you.

We don't know for certain it was the food. OP and her DH weren't ill.

Ive just read the updates. So it's not quite that she's insisting on coming over, more trying to salvage the evening and possibly friendship, but I completely get where you're coming from and agree with you actually. Maybe just tell her straight that you don't think there is a friendship given she was talking about you to other people and isn't prepared to apologise so let's just leave the men to watch the game.

Just used same word about his friend 😂

Maybe it wasn’t food poisoning. Sometime if I eat a meal made with things I’m not used to it can upset my stomach

Even if it wasn't food poisoning is it OK to insult the OP by saying I'll bring a carry out. She would have been as well saying your food is disgusting I'm not eating it. 😡

I would drop the friend. And also be having a very clear chat with dh. There is no way my dh would support someone being that rude towards me. He can stay friends with her dh but I would not have her in my house and if my dh tried to force me to I would be telling him this is making me take a good hard look at the state of our marriage if he is happy to let me be insulted and be ok with it. They could go the their house rather than yours

I would stand my ground and tell your friend that you don’t want to meet up but that they are welcome to host your DH if they all want to get together.

DH is essentially putting football above you. Think about that.

To be honest, I would simply do as you mentioned and reply that she is NOT welcome in your house regardless of what your DH says and that you suggest DH goes to their place as they were thinking of a takeaway anyway. You will drop him at the start of the evening. And that is your final offer.

And then you make it clear to DH that this is where you stand and if he really cannot understand how hurt you are by both her behaviour and HIS, then he might want to start rethinking your marriage because he has been a fucking arsehole about all this.

I’m surprised that someone who has effectively been told they aren’t welcome is demanding to come to your home!!

I think the only option is to say to your DH that he needs to go there.

then you get peace and that lot can do whatever.