To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

See not a football fan. Same message applies though.

I
@Dinnertext I would send a message to the cow saying you got plans so won't be home. I doubt she would come. I wouldn't want her in my house anymore. Who knows what she will do- go around snooping sending pics and messages to friends "oh look dinnertext has got this/hasn't cleaned third drawer on cupboard"

@Nos4r2 It never stops surprising me how mad people go when it comes down to football. I wonder how many marriages split up because of it?

A chap I once knew said his wife left him during one World Cup and he didn't notice. 🤔
I asked why.
He said he thought she'd got fed up and gone to her mother's.

I didn't know whether to believe him or not.

Absolutely this

She would not get over my threshold until she gave a heartfelt apology with reasons why she made such horrible comments?

is she keen on your husband?

She’s still rude and your DH is still behaving like an idiot.
If she had apologised for her original bitchy message to a friend then you probably could have moved past it, but she didn’t.
She was critical of where you shopped, I assume she shops at Waitrose/ M&S and you shop at Aldi/Lidl (I personally love Lidl!)
She then suggested they come for drinks and she bring olives etc.
When she was told she still hadn’t apologised she then said she was coming and they’d bring a takeaway!
She obviously has no thought for anyone bar herself, and won’t be told no.
I would reply and say she is absolutely not welcome at your house on Saturday and it is not your problem she doesn’t have alternative plans.
I would be fuming at my DH if he was behaving like it, tell him to go to their house. She wasn’t just criticising you in her original message, but him as well, assuming he cooks, budgets and purchasing food as well?
She is not a friend, but someone who only cares about themselves.
Maybe she should go and hang out with the person she was sniggering to in messages at the start.

It stills feels like a lot of drama to me, which maybe is also what your DH feels. As you are ditching this friend, do you have lots of other friends. Your previous comment about her being very sociable make me wonder whether you are the opposite. And you are cutting off your nose to spite your face

What a pos she is. Her real colours have shown

In the original thread I’m pretty sure the women sent OP the message saying that after they had eaten, they had terrible stomachs.. and that they weren’t used to ingredients brought a supermarket she doesn’t shop in herself.

Play loud bagpipe music in another room or borrow a karaoke machine and practice "My Heart Will Go On".

Oh pleeeease do this if the entitled cow shows up!

Well the message she sent you seemed to be in response to someone else asking if she was free, so she can tell that person she's now free (and why) and see them instead!

I think OP's diarrhoea-ex-mate has a ton of form here. Her husband probably deals with it by saying 'oh you know what women are like'. It's the way he manages his cognitive dissonance so he doesn't have to say 'you know love, the way you treat other people is really quite vile'. I reckon he's done a number on OP's spineless husband, who is too in awe of his bro to just say 'look mate, your Mrs has been really out of order'. Ultimately, what's important to the OP is her spineless husband's disloyalty, because who needs a diarrhoea friend?

So you would be happy if you found out one of your friends was mocking you to one of their friends and she then didn’t apologise?

Really?

If you can honestly answer yes to that question then I feel sad that you don’t have higher standards in your friendships.

OOh! Hadn't thought about a gun range! Brilliant.

I agree with this.

Your real issue is your disloyal and disrespectful 'D'H. His priorities seem to be football and keeping his friend happy, at the cost of your feelings.

If he allows this woman into your home against your wishes then I think he needs to know that it is not something you will get over easily. My own DH would not countenance even having someone in our home whom I just disliked (regardless of my reasons), let alone someone who had been so rude to me.

Go to your Mum’s. But, before doing so, remove the TV (or just the plug).

A lot of these posts are confirming the other DH's belief that women are dramatic.

I stand by the calm, mature response if you want them to actually 'get it'. Anything else ends up with you being regarded as the hysterical problem by all three of them, with your 'friend' coming up smelling of roses.

Your husband’s response is baffling. They’ve upset you and haven’t apologised so it’s natural that the weekend plans are cancelled. Why can’t your husband watch the football with you instead of this other bloke? Why is the match ruined if he watches it with his wife instead of with a couple that have upset you? They’re all behaving really disrespectfully towards you.

Ignore the - frankly childish and utterly ridiculous - suggestions to cause damage within your own home (why do threads like this always end up with utterly nonsense advice like that?).

I would message her clearly to say the following:

1. Her message was clearly ridiculing you & your DH's cooking and she has not acknowledged that properly.
2. Her excuse was just as insulting
3. She has not apologised, despite you asking her to. Had she done so you might have felt able to move on.
4. How would she feel had someone done the same to her.
5. She is not welcome on Saturday - there will be no football on TV at your home so if her and her DH want to watch it then they need to go elsewhere.

I would then explain clearly to your DH that here comes a point in life when you realise you don't always have to put up with other peoples' poor behaviour just to make everyone else feel OK or make their lives easier. This is absolutely one of those occasions. He should have had your back on this and his failure to do so is cowardly and self-serving. He has let you down too, so he also needs to make alternative arrangements to watch the football. No negotiation on the issue.

It's also his home and he can be in it if he wants and invite his friend if he wants.

Stick to your guns but be as sweet as pie - you would like to invite her but would hate to make her ill again with your food.

I’ve been thinking on this since the first thread and I have such second hand rage!

firstly, your husband is a dick.

this is how I would handle it.
I would not go out.
I’d put covers on all seats (ideally newspapers) in case they got “poorly tummy’s” again.
id regularly offer water (tap), own brand pepto etc.

id make sure any drinks were not brand name, same with snacks.
id also refuse anything to do with a takeaway from “somewhere I don’t know or trust, could make me ill”

make myself something to eat that everyone else would want, reminding them they have a takeaway.

then I’d get a book (can I recommend ‘how to solve your own murder by Kristen Perrin.) and tell her to shush if she wanted to talk.

but then I am a self certified bitch.

You could certainly be certified.

I have the permanent ick for your husband. Has he always been such a patronising jelly?