To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

Better get back to work. It's a good job I wfh in our own business so can pop in and out of a thread if it sparks my interest.

No way should you be leaving your own home to accommodate cheeky bitch friend! I'd stand at the door and refuse her entry, tbh.

That woman's got some bold faced cheek, but your husbands a complete pussy! He doesnt need to get involved but he should text the bloke to say "Sarah's saying she fancies a night to herself now - can I come to you instead for the game?"

Iv missed the end of the last thread..can anyone give me the link or tell me what's happened please ?

Every so often I read a thread on MN that blows my mind. This is one of those OP. So your “friend” has been gossiping about the food you buy/your cooking behind your back, has not apologised for that rightly upsetting you, and is now demanding that you still host her in your house?

And your husband cares so little about you that he’s demanding you go along with this so he doesn’t have to spend money on a couple of pints in a pub?

And your response is to give this woman, her husband and your husband the run of your own home while you hide at your mother’s? Does that not sound insane to you?

Both the "friend" and husband are out of order. That being said, if your husband won't back you its a bigger issue and not going to be solved in a weekend.

To the friend I'd say "It's clear you were being rude about me, wont apologise and now want to make me even more uncomfortable by turning up at my house. I'm not happy to host you and don't want you in my home. I'm sitting Saturday out and taking a step back from this friendship".

To your husband I'd be acknowledging that I can't control who he invites over, but that inviting someone who upset me and refuses to apologise is categorically not staying out of it. That his attitude of "typical women's drama" is a misogynistic cop out. That he could instead go to theirs, or meet somewhere neutral. That if the tables were turned you would at least tell your friend her partner was out of order and should apologise. That you've seen him in a new (selfish, pathetic and weak) light.

Only you can decide if this is an "agree to disagree" moment in your relationship or a "sign of a bigger issue" light bulb.

Yes, I would die on this hill, myself

I can’t believe the drama over something so silly. Your husband is completely right to be staying out of it, and not falling out with his friend.

Yes, she was a bit rude. But if you’re friends, you can point it out (which you did) and make amends (which she tried to with a takeaway).

I agree she should actually apologise, but clearly communication over text isn’t working for either of you. I’d have them over, eat the takeaway, watch the football. Things might resolve naturally as you talk face to face.

It’s very high school to fall out over something trivial, and cut friendships dead, whilst expecting others to pick sides. Just be adults.

Her text might not even have been as bitchy as you’re imagining it. She might have a digestive issue with an ingredient, which her friend knows about, and you don’t? I think this drama is really unnecessary

He’s not staying out of it - he has invited the ‘friend’ and her husband over despite the circumstances. He is effectively taking their side.

You don't take it for food poisoning. All those things fall under indigestion. They are not "being ill". If she and her husband had been made ill by OP's three-course meal, I don't think she'd be cracking jokes about pepto to another friend. The implication is OP is not a good cook, or serves too rich food.

It's here @pestowithwalnuts

Someone who thinks like me!

I honestly think I'm in a parallel universe on here sometimes... falling out with a friend over one text?!

The husband hasn't fallen out with his mate so why shouldn't he have him over in his own house?

This is what she wrote, and somehow accidentally sent to OP:

That reminds me to stock up on the Pepto for the next morning 😂

It's not a bitchy text. We don't all like the same food.

Release the menu! OP is only admitting to the main being a pasta dish.

it’s not ‘a text’ it’s her supposed friend bad mouthing her behind her back

Because he has an upset partner and it's his mate's wife who caused the upset and she is still coming. If you live with someone you can't just do what you like in the house. He can meet friend outside.

This doesn’t seem like much of a friendship. If one of my friends told me (inadvertently or otherwise) that they’d been unwell after eating at my house I’d apologise. Equally if one of my friends told me I’d offended them I’d apologise. Seems a bit storm in a teacup to me.

This, basically! If I'd said this about a friend behind their back (which I wouldn't) I'd be absolutely mortified and doing my best to make amends.

OP, it sounds like you're surrounded by crazy, I'd be struggling not to flip my lid if I was you!

op if you’re used to this site then you know full well mumsnetters tend to ramp stuff up for the love of the drama. They compete to see who can cause the most strife like it’s an episode of eastenders.

in reality I am now with your husband, she was unwell she made a stupid comment, she said let’s not fall out, we will buy you both dinner, I think just accept it and move on as this going to your mums expecting your husband fi ban her or go out is just so bloody dramatic.

she doesn’t like your food, she got sick, she thinks you’re a shite cook. Not a shite person, she hardly abused your first born.

dial it back, accept the meal and move on and stop letting randoms escalate this for fun.

She could have apologised. Why wouldn’t you?

I suggested a group WhatsApp on the last thread. It's the only way to make it very clear what your position is

Apologised for what she explained they both had food issues after the last meal. She’s offered to buy them dinner from the Italian. I just can’t see the huge deal. I mean maybe the op prides herself on her cooking skills. But they were both sick,/

You're dealing with at least 2 bullies, possibly 3. As someone up the thread recommended, get some back up. Have you got a genuine friend, who will come over & say what you're reluctant to? I'd do it in a shot.

I know you've been encouraged to stand your ground (and you really should) but that can feel impossible when you're not used to doing so. Especially when you're alone against a group. So get some back up.

They are all treating you appallingly.

Can someone link to the previous thread. I need to hear the crime to share in the outrage!

It’s been linked a few times now. You can also just advance search the thread title above

It’s already been shared twice, once by me and once by OP. Or you can do a search using OPs name and find it that way.