To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

It doesn't. Now sing the pepto bismol advert to yourself loudly.

🎶 if you've got nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhoea-ah 🎶

Allowing her in YOUR house and going elsewhere yourself so she can hang on to her own narrative that this doesn’t deserve an apology AND your husband not backing you up???

absolutely the fuck not. Your DH needs to back you publicly, regardless of whether he thinks it’s a bit silly.

There is no need to malign the football. They are not ‘random blokes.’ They are, by definition, the best players in the country and now among the 8 best teams in the world.

Anything sounds pointless when you describe it in a reductive way I.e. ‘kicking a ball of air around’

I love the theatre but I could describe it as ‘watching a bunch of random people pretend to be other random people’ to make it sound pointless

OP’s friend and husband are rude and awful but it’s not the football’s fault

This is the perfect response

I’m sorry this happened to you OP and I love that you have stood up for yourself and not let your nasty friend get away with it. She is trying to minimise because she is on the back foot because she got caught out.

Don’t let her into your house and if it all feels too stressful then go out to your mum’s/ a hotel

I like this. OP, I wonder if something needs to be said as a group on a WhatsApp or something, as otherwise everyone is getting very mixed messages from you and your (horrifically unsupportive) DH. That way you have made your feelings clear as his version to his friend is clearly very different!

Absolutely and if I was the DH, I'd be staying out of all this drama too 🙄

Yes good point! OP’s husband is probably telling friend’s DH that it is fine to come over and it will all
blow over

Having someone over that has offended his wife would be the height of getting involved in the drama.

In fact, he could put a stop to the drama by just saying “let’s meet at the pub for this one.” If he supported his wife she’d not be nearly as upset.

This is a good response

100% this.

I see that the OP's husband has continued to disappoint, dismal oaf that he is.

I know OP has said that she dislikes confrontation, but with the ex-friend she is dealing with a bulldozer, and subtlety doesn't work with people like that. What might move the dial a bit (albeit unlikely) is something like this:

"[name], I will put it in simple terms: I've caught you slagging off my cooking to someone else (and by the looks of it someone I also know). That is bad. Then when I challenged you on it, instead of apologising, you made up some story about getting an upset stomach, which you put down to my using inferior ingredients. That is worse. You are not welcome in my house until you apologise for all this, so don't bother coming here on Saturday. [husband 1] and [husband 2] can do whatever they want."

There is no way she would be stepping foot into my house. No genuine apology, no entry. Why would you leave your home to accommodate her?

I think it’s more about the fact she was bitching about you to someone else than the food that would hurt / offend me. If she could tell someone else but not you then that’s the bit I’d be annoyed about. Plus the judgement about where you shop. You didn’t feed them pet food - even if not waitrose it would not make them unwell. So I’d message her one last time to say your food did not make them unwell even if not as expensive but it’s the fact that she’s been bitching sending messages about you to other people and hasn’t apologised that means she is no longer welcome at your home and neither is her husband.

Your husband is appalling - prioritising a free takeaway with his supermarket beers over his own wife’s comfort in her own home!

I don’t know why you aren’t angrier at him @Dinnertext - he’d rather a free curry than the discomfort of backing you up. As well as being tight. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

He and that cheeky bitch would be getting a run down on their characters if they had they cheek to sit in my house like I was a naughty child who needed to be taught a lesson by intimidation. The only action they’d be seeing was the door hitting their arses on the way out. Honestly you need to give that man a rocket about what and who is important in his life before he has to make changes to his living arrangements.

This is really missing the point but one hill I will die on is that it's very common for symptoms of food poisoning to start quite a while (as in days) after eating the relevant food. It depends on the type of microbe causing it and whereabouts in the digestive system they kick off.

It really annoys me when people get food poisoning in films or on TV and it's almost instant.

The reason I'm saying this now is I bet if they did have bad stomachs it could've been something they ate several days earlier. People always just think back to the last meal or so and blame that.

Or they just had too many chardonnays

The more I'm reading the vast majority of posters believe the Ops husband is as much to blame for the overall upset, the more I'm beginning to wonder if this is a set up designed as an initial plan to aggrivate & hurt the OP to the point of her leaving. It may sound paranoid but nothing surprises me in these situations. The fact her DH is happy for her to leave her own home while he entertains this couple is very suspicious. It's just another take on the situation but worth considering.

Thats a good point, there is obviously alternative plans available

Indeed - it’s usually at least 24-48hours with e-coli being up to five days later (I had this - and it took weeks to recover from and GP reported it to track down where I got it). It also affects all people eating it, not just the guests, unless the inference is that OP and her DH are so used to substandard, bacteria ridden food their digestive systems are immune.

That ‘friend’ has shared the idea that she was made ill by OP’s cooking is also, potentially, therefore slander. It’s really significant that DH doesn’t [want to] understand this.

the husband is just thinking about football and his own enjoyment. I wouldn't want him to have them over when I wasn't there.

I also wanted to include that point in the reply but better to keep it simple. “Obviously you’re lamenting the commitment and have now received a better offer.”

That alone would make me rethink the friendship.

I absolutely would not allow it. You simply don’t have people in your home that have insulted you.

honestly I'd just take a step back and go to your mums.
Your DH is being a tight and unsupportive dick but it's just going to stress you out more to argue with him. I'd respond to friend saying something like 'If you're just going to have a takeaway I don't see why you can't host at yours, but either way I'm going out on Saturday night so won't be around.' Then leave it.

If they are there when you get home from your mums just look in, be polite and say 'Hi guys, I'm knacked so just going up to bed, hope you enjoy the game.'
Stick earplugs in and go to sleep.

Friend is being incredibly rude by not just apologising (although at this point I wouldn't accept it anyway), but also a bit pathetic at wanting to traipse round after her husband to spend an evening with someone who clearly doesn't want her there rather than just being home alone or making other plans.

Absolutely! And also people can just have 'tummy bugs'; there was one going around recently, which I had, as did several others whom I know.

If she did think she'd had food poisoning from your meal, then it would have been her duty to have told you prompltly, as you and others would also be at risk. You don't get food poisoning because someone hasn't used 'superior' ingredients; you get it because a specific foof item has been contaminated with a specific bacteria. Which then will affect everyone who eats it.

Sorry but the typo 4 lines up from the end made me laugh. Good point though 😂