To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

This is completely mad. Do not leave your house and let this woman come over. I’m getting angry just reading this.
I thought your so called friend sounded oblivious but bloody hell, inviting herself over after your fallout. Just no and your husband needs to sort himself out. I would be raging.

No idea, she’s a very social woman with different friendship groups so I couldn’t guess. Potentially someone I know as she referred to me by name.

Wouldn’t it be awful if your TV accidentally got damaged before the game? 😁

I’m sorry OP, that’s rubbish - of course you don’t want her coming to your home and I don’t think it’s right that you leave your home so that she can be there!

Does your mum live nearby? Could you bring her round your house for the evening instead? You can chat to her and ignore friend if she turns up - she can feel uncomfortable, not you.
Bonus points if you and your mum talk loudly and disturb game viewing!

Ask him to pop to the shop then lock him out

This would be relationship ending for me. It’s sickening how he doesn’t have your back. He should tell his friend that unfortunately due to his own partner’s poor behaviour and refusal to apologise that she is not welcome. He can come of course.

And I would send the TV away for the night weekend, dead serious

I think @Dinnertext you are much more sanguine than I could ever be. I know that I would have absolutely given DH hell for not backing me. And I seriously would have absolutely torn a strip off him.

But I also know that my DH would not have done this - he’d have rearranged the drinks/footie to the rubbish village pub or suggested going to the nearest town and booking a premier inn if necessary. No way he’d allow the sanctity of our home to be violated by a bitchy and nasty woman who slags me off to A N Other. And I think most men would have.

Am so sorry you are in this position - but I do wonder whether there have been other occasions when DH has not had your back, when he has been dismissive of your feelings? I’m not sure if you have said how long you’ve been married/how old you both are, but I do wonder whether this is just a sign of other issues in your marriage that you’ve maybe tried to ignore?

Take it to her mum’s house as her mum’s TV just happens to be broken and her poor old mum is so upset without it!

This is so baffling that your Husband could easily go to their house if they must watch football together but is choosing not to and she is choosing to come over despite being asked not to. The people in your life really dont seem to like you or respect your feelings do they?

I think as it's dragging on I'd message her and tell her she has no reason to be alone or to try and make you uncomfortable in your home. Let her know she can host her DH and yours but that until further notice she is not going to be hosted at your house.
If you have her DH number id send the same msg to him and your DH.
If ger DH wants to come over that's up to him knowing she's not welcome.

Cheeky cow. And Im shocked your dh has decided its both of you "being childish" when you've done absolutely nothing wrong at all.
If I were you Id be tempted to pack a bag and not just visit your mum for the evening but stay overnight. Shes ill/the hot weather is making her miserable, she needs company etc.

What is it with the Mumsnet obsession with spas as a panacea for every little upset that befalls an OP? It's such a cliché these days.

They're expensive, don't work (to erase reality) and show posters to be totally lacking in independent thought.

I really don't understand why they don't invite your husband to their place. I can't imagine being her and just turning up at a house I wasn't welcome at!

The more I hear about your DH the more I think h's an arsehole.

What a horrible, patronising thing to say and what a selfish stance to take just because he wants to watch the feckin' football 🙄

God this stuff makes me hate being a woman. Someone please give me hope that there are female friendship groups out there where everyone genuinely likes each other and doesn't bitch behind backs...

Stay at your mum's after his pathetic comment about the "biggest game". Take the TV with you. Leave the remote.

Seriously take all the power cables. Including the router.

A smash room or a gun range are far more therapeutic.

Now we're talking 😄

Personally I think you are doing the right thing. You not being there will make an inbalance. If once you had questioned the text, she had come back and said sorry, she had overindulged, had upset tummy. But no, she has just tried to control the food on offer. This is not a friend. I'm sorry your hubby is not entirely getting the issue and is seemingly dismissive. I think like many men, he doesn't know how to handle situation, so doesn't. Hope you and your mum have a lovely, lovely evening. I'm sure she'll like spending time with you.

There are. Loads. None of this shit would wash with my friends - not for a minute. We look out for each other. And anyone who's not a real friend gets weeded out. Like OP's twatty ex mate

I don’t think OP is overreacting - at the very least she deserves an apology and I’d be ignoring this ‘friend’ until that’s forthcoming.

I do find all the convoluted passive aggressive revenge posts a bit weird, though.

Not an obsession, just a suggestion and hence my use of the word ‘possibly’. I was just wondering if the OP might like a distraction/ treat after a fairly nasty ongoing situation. As it turns out, she doesn’t like a spa and was not rude about my suggestion; unlike you.

Isittimeforyournapyet?

@Dinnertext i m late to join the party (so to speak) but i have read your previous thread.

i agree with a PP. you cannot concede territory absolutely not. I would stay in my home and I would work very hard (it would be exhausting) to have fun with your husband and your husband. I would make my own food / platter whatever you fancy but still partake in the merriment while completely ignoring her.

by doing you are showing a few very important thing

• you re not her friend until she apologises
• you re aknowledging that your husband is a different person to you and therefore aknowledge that he can have different friendships
• that it is YOUR home and you get to decide what you in your home
• and that you have values and self respect.

in fact the only thing i would ask of my husband is that he doesnt eat the takeaway but my food

that way you both win: he gets to have the english match as planned, he doesnt get to take side but subtly showing that he likes your food, and they get to have their own takeaway. The best would be if his friend then say “honey have a take away and I ll have @Dinnertext food”.

honestly dont give in but take the high road. When people go low, you go higher!

I wasn't expecting you to like my comment so I'm naturally insouciant about your response.