To un-invite friend from dinner after she sent me message by mistake - Update

[Dinnertext]

Hi all, my previous thread closed before I had the chance to add any further post today. For those interested, my friend replied to my message where I said I was upset she hadn’t apologised.

She ignored that part, and basically demanded I re-invite her on Saturday because it’s too late for her to make any alternative plans and it’s unfair to expect her to spend the evening alone. She reiterated the takeaway ‘offer’ and said as far as she is concerned , my Husband has said she’s still more than welcome to attend.

DH has just repeated the same position in that he’s staying out of it and that he wouldn’t turn anyone away at the door. He has basically told me this evening to be the bigger person and draw a line under it and not risk ruining his and his friends evening.

OP, you should stand your ground and stay in your house otherwise it looks like you are conceding your territory.
Do not go out.
You know yourself though. How do you think you will be with her once she is in your house?
I think the best option is you can tell her it's not a good idea she comes.

I would not be forced out of my home under any circumstances, but if you do find it necessary to go stay with your mum, I'd go for a few days. Your husband is pathetic and it's hard to imagine what he could say to turn this round having shown himself to be such a spineless twat.

Why is it too late to expect them to host when it’s going to be takeaway? Tell him he can go to theirs. So much for your husband having your back.

I'd be more angry at my DH than my (ex) friend.

I’m glad you got cross with your DH. He’s being really disloyal imo!!

Can't you stay over at your mums house? I think your husband is a real CF not standing by your wishes and buggering off to their house. I'd be so pissed off I'd pack an overnight bag and stay out. Its a hill I'd die on, someone telling people you gave them food poisoning in effect, is not acceptable. An apology is the least I'd expect.

Your Dh is disgraceful. He can go to theirs, why not? He is choosing spending less money over you. That says a lot, OP.

I’d text her one last time to say she is not welcome and Dh hasn’t said she can come, he’s leaving you to sort out the ‘drama’ and here we go, you’re sorting it by saying she can’t come. I’d go ballistic at your Dh. Petty or not, he should be supporting you.

I'm sorry, but I'm with your husband on the fence.

On the one hand what she said was gossipy, unpleasant, dismissive of your friendship and she has not apologised.

On the other, in her mind, she genuinely felt unwell after her last visit and instead of bringing it up and risking offending you she laughed it off to another person. Despite her words she clearly wants to spend the evening with you, not them, and them treating you all to a takeaway seems to be an attempt to make things up to you.

For me it would depend if her company improves your life. If it does I would enjoy the takeaway and see how the evening goes. It sounds like the DHs are closer friends than you and her so a superficial friendship you enjoy with someone you aren't close to might still be nice.

If you've always tolerated her and don't enjoy her company - have a fab time at your mum's every time she comes over. Maybe open a bottle of wine and stay over.

Wow your dh is a dick!
I never usually say to give ultimatums but for me this would be a hill I'd die on - he either has your back or he can fuck off. I would be taking the fuse out of the tv plug and losing the remote. Like fuck would I have that woman in my house so she can sit there acting pally with your husband whilst you have had to leave.
Marriage ending for me as he doesn't give a flying fuck about you at all. Total waste of space and a wanker

I'd have a look to see what rooms are available, you might get a lovely last minute deal and spend the evening having a long hot bath with a book and some wine.

Your (ex) friend is an arse but your husband is even worse. Fuck them all and I'd be considering a divorce.

Your husband is putting football before the respect that you deserve.

Go to your Mothers for the weekend and take the TV with you

I’m not a confrontational person, she knows that which is why I fully expect her to turn up.

Up to you what you do but I would not have her in my house. However if you do I would remove any alcohol that she might drink, lock in the car boot whatever but no way would she be having anything of mine.

You x 3 - I do not want to host
Her - Well I don't care what you want, I'm turning up anyway.

Who does that?

But because the two men have said "leave it to the women to sort out" She is insisting that you are going to be forced to host her. She knows the two DH's including your own will support her. And she doesn't want to miss out on the event. I do think she is doing this because she is enjoying the drama of it and it will be more fodder for her gossip mill.

I don't think I could bear to be there in the house for this either and have to put up with her. Particularly as the game starts at 10 and could go on for hours... which makes it awkwerd to come home in the middle.

This isn't a fair situation for you. You've done nothing wrong..other than being kind enough to invite these people to dinner and entertain them which they have disparaged behind your back. You didn't deserve this. Sometimes pushy bossy people can't stand it when people stand up for themselves.

There is one good thing to remember though. Whatever happens.. At least you are not related to these two idiots.

Exactly, and to play nicely and not bring it up. As does your husband.

Which is why you shouldn't be there to give her the satisfaction

I now actually cannot stand the thought of this women ever being allowed in your house , especially when you are not there 🤬

I think I'm more upset about your husband's response than what the woman did. It's like he is saying me watching football with a guy who I get on with (wasn't even his friend before) is more important to me than my life partners happiness.

What's the background personality of the woman. Who did she intend the WhatsApp for.
I feel like she should have called you rather than messaging it might have come over better and she might have realised to say sorry.

Hmm what to do now because it seems they are coming over still. I can't actually believe your husband what a pain in the a*se. They wouldn't even have been coming in the first place if you didn't invite them. What's all this nonsense about being left on her own surely she can watch the telly by herself.

I would be hurt too if someone was saying that about me behind my back. I honestly think she should be respecting your wishes in your own home and your husband too. You could call her maybe and tell her no thank you.

@Dinnertext your friend is incredibly ‘up herself’ as the saying is, it’s a shame your husband is being so unsupportive and filing it all under ‘women’s drama’ rather than acknowledging that she was literally taking the piss out if you. I don’t know what to suggest but you have done well so far sticking up for yourself, it must feel awful you don’t have your husband on side though.

I would honestly leave my husband over this. I could not get over it. I wouldn’t dream of insisting that someone had to come to our house if that person had offended and upset him, even if I thought he was being over the top. Not in one million years.

I would be telling him that if he chose to support this woman over me, we would be done and I’d mean it. Yes, it’s a biggish game, but he could easily watch it elsewhere. I am absolutely furious for you, OP. I don’t know if it’s your house or his, or yours together, but I’d either stay with your mother until you can end the tenancy/sell, or ask him to leave not just for the match, but permanently.

OP, have you got any idea who the text was sent to?

I’d sleep over at your mum’s.

I wouldn't leave my husband solely over this (unless it was a straw that broke the camel's back scenario), but boy howdy, he would be finding out just how very uncomfortable his life could be. If he thinks it's okay not to have my back, I'd be making very sure he knew I wasn't having his any time soon.

Why should she? It’s her house and she shouldn’t have anyone in there that she doesn’t want.

You need to put your foot down, tell her you don’t want to host her and tell your DH you want him to go round to their house instead, as you want a night in on your own to think things over. I wouldn’t have the pair of twats in the house as things stand - her because of her bitchy comments and him because of his patronising misogyny saying it’s just female drama. Fuck the pair of them.

Just to piss everyone off including DH.