AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

If she is saying these things in school, I think you have every right to tell the school; then if it heard or repeated within earshot of staff, the know what it is about.
I would also mention to the parents if you know them

I would not have her in my house and I would tell DD why. At 12 she is old enough to understand.

So helpful, thanks so much. Just tried to call
school and the answer machine is on, will try again first thing in the morning. She’s always been a troubled child and has always saddened me, but she’s crossed some big lines lately and to be quite frank, I’ve had enough. She needs to understand what the consequences are of saying things like this.

You can’t have this girl in your home if she has form for making up serious allegations. Even if DH went elsewhere for the night (and wtf why should he have to leave his own home to accommodate this girl) who is to say she won’t make up something about you, or one of your other children. And the fact that she’s saying it in the first place suggests she’s troubled, like where has the idea come from, so absolutely make a safeguarding report to the school.

You are still inviting a girl who is accusing your husband of being a paedo? Are you nuts?! What happens the next morning when he is accused of touching her.....?

who we have nothing but endless trouble with

I wouldn’t be inviting her just because of this. And now she’s insinuating things and making things up with your daughter’s dad, so that’s a double ‘no’ to an invitation.

No, just raise it with the school

I thought it was clear that the girl is saying they will be sleeping in the same room as OP's husband but they won't be

Definitely don’t invite the spiteful little madam. She knows exactly what she’s saying and the potential consequences and if I were her parents I’d be coming down on her like a ton of bricks and not letting her attend the sleepover (because of the comment not just a random punishment). This kind of thing can escalate, first it’s this comment next thing she’s falsely accusing a male teacher of touching her. Little brat.

@Darragon @Nothankyoucat

She very clearly says which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever It probably didn’t occur to her that anyone would think that he wasn’t sleeping in between them, but that he might still be sleeping in the same room.

OP, this is the sort of rumour that spreads and that has the potential to blow up into an unnecessary safeguarding concern. I’d contact her parents and tell them that they needed to instruct her to stop making such ridiculous claims immediately. I’d contact the school and tell them that if they’d heard anything from any of the children, it was down to this one girl making up lies and that while you completely understand if a safeguarding referral has to be made for your DD, it’s based on one child’s decision to make something up and they need to look into that. And I’d contact the other parents of the children invited to reassure them that there was obviously no way in a million years that their DDs would be sharing a room with your DH and that he’d be horrified at the thought. And I’d put a blanket ban on your DD having anything to do with her. It might upset your DD, but her behaviour has tipped over from being a bloody nuisance but essentially harmless, to being potentially dangerous. We all know that there are people who believe that there’s no smoke without fire and that is not a rumour he wants following him around.

You’d be mad to invite this child round after this. If you don’t rescind the invite then you’ll have to send DH somewhere else for the duration of the sleepover for his own safety- who knows what accusations she’ll come up with?!

You absolutely cannot have this child in your house now that you are aware of this shit that she is spreading. Even if your DH were to agree to be elsewhere, and why the fuck should he? It's his home too.

What if she makes up some shite about you next as well? Or about your children? You could be opening a huge can of worms.

Tell her that you have heard her ridiculous and hurtful allegations about your DH, and that you and she both know that they are untrue, so she is no longer welcome at the party. The end.

Explain it all to DD as well. She might well be upset, but is old enough to understand that this is definitely not OK and you can't ignore it.

‘which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever’. Which bit of this is unclear to you? Perhaps you need to read the OP more thoroughly..

OP I agree with those who say don’t allow this girl in your home. Protect your husband from potential allegations and tell the parents of rumour girl why the invite has been rescinded. Perhaps she will learn that her behaviour has consequences if she misses out on something she wanted to go to.

You could always email the school. It’s good to have things in writing… Good luck with it all.

I assume it was said to clarify sleeping with as in literally sleeping not sex

She was never invited in the first place, so no - not nuts.

Precisely, thanks so much. We’ve just contacted the parents. Nipping this right in the bud.

So why will DD be upset? This is confusing

She needs to be uninvited from the party and told why. Never mind your daughter being upset she isn’t coming. She needs to learn to be a better judge of character and not choose friends who could cost her father his job, reputation and security.

Absolutely, we’ve just spoken with DD and explained that she will never be welcomed into our home and the reasons why. This kid causes nothing but drama so it’s without doubt the right thing for her. She completely understood and understood the severity of what has been said.

Could the rumour she’s spreading be some sort of payback because she wasn’t invited, @onyourbill? Not that that would excuse it at all - but it does sound consistent with her rather spiteful behaviour.

Why would she be upset?

You've said "She was never invited in the first place" - so will she be at the sleepover or not?

Also - "This kid has been relentless for months with my DD" - I'm not sure whay you mean. Relentlessly bullying DD? Relentlessly by DD's side? What has she been relentlessly doing?

Exactly my thoughts

Somebody said to cancel the party, hence my DD would be upset.

Relentless with bullyish behaviour, with a lovely bit of gaslighting chucked in.

Absolutely nothing to do with school. Don’t invite the ‘friend’. Job done.

I would firstly contact the school safeguarding liaison and let them know that you have been made aware of these rumours and that obviously they are absurd and you'll chat to the child's parents but wanted to flag it to the school also.