AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

True.... but I would still 100% tell the parents. Maybe mother is unaware? Maybe there is potentially abuse but it isn't the father? Maybe the parents don't know how troubled this child is? Maybe they do know something, maybe not. But I couldn't sit there while my DH was being accused of being a paedophile and not try get to the bottom of it.

Actually thinking on this, yes tell school so they can get safeguarding involved. There could be child sexual abuse by a family member or friend.

Having said this, at age 14 there was a girl in my girl’s school who made up rumours all the time about boys she’d got off with. Then it turned to an accusation of rape against a 16 year old boy we all knew, but I don’t know what happened after that as she moved away and I changed schools. The boy wasn’t prosecuted. As far as I know she wasn’t sexually abused but lived with her grandmother for some reason and the grandmother was hardly around (working?) so she was left to fend for herself a lot. This was back in 80s.

Absolutely tell the school. I work in a school

You’ve got enough sound advice here so I won’t repeat what PP have said but oh my god what a little shit. I wouldn’t have her in my house and I’d tell DD to suck it up and that she’ll thank me later. That’s what my mum did with my trouble making friends and I hate to say it but she was right about every single one.

And yet many on here in positions of safeguarding, including a former head teacher, disagrees with you.

Blimey, aren’t you a joy 🙄

He's not!!! Obv

I would speak to the school. The rumours are presumably being spread at school

We had slightly different issue with a boy saying he was looking forward to doing something inappropriate at my DD's (all class) party when she was 10. It was overheard or got back to the teachers at school and they took it really seriously

'Which obviously isn't happening whatsoever' nothing unclear about that 🤔

Tbf I think this comment was because most people on this thread had picked you up incorrectly about the girl making up rumours being invited to the party and you insinuating your DH could just leave the house.

I would still 100% tell the parents. Maybe mother is unaware? Maybe there is potentially abuse but it isn't the father? Maybe the parents don't know how troubled this child is? Maybe they do know something, maybe not.

But that's not for op to get involved with. It's for the professionals, who may well have information about this girl's circumstances that op doesn't.

It was incredibly clear for those of us who can read

Given the ramifications having a sleepover with a girl who is telling the school your husband will be sleeping with the kids could have, I would cancel the whole thing and that girl would never set foot on my home again. She knows exactly what she's doing and this has life destroying potential.

You can never have your husband in a room alone with her.

Do you think it's reasonable for your husband to leave and have a proveable alibi (and sleeping in a hotel is not it) so your daughter can have a sleepover with a friend who's a danger to your family?

Yes, take it to the school and her parents.
Ah, I see she's not invited and is not welcome in your home. Your initial post made it sound like she had glommed on to your daughter and this was a mutual friendship. It sounds more like a troublemaking because she's not invited situation.

I would still cancel with the rumours that the girl is spreading. I don't think this is a safe thing to do at this time until the girl has been dealt with in some form.

Why is it not for the OP & her husband to get involved in? They are the ones being accused of paedophilia. Maybe you would choose not to talk to the parents but plenty others would.

It is a safeguarding concern therefore it is everything to do with the school.

This is not true. I am a teacher and this is the sort of thing that should be reported to our DSL.

She may be upset but I would be discouraging their friendship. You already said your had lots of issues wth this girl even before this current situation, and what is she does something similar to your daughter? Spread false horrible rumours about her?

I'm confused, someone said you should stop inviting her to anything and you said you couldn't do that because it woul upset your daughter which doesn't make sense to me given the trouble she is bringing it to you and your daughters life, now you say she wasn't invited to the sleepover.

Which is it?

This is a good example as to why school staff are inundated! It’s got nothing to do with the school. An external matter. If you’re that bothered contact her parents yourself.

I’m going to add to the chorus of ‘contact the school’

Yes about the latest comment about your dh. There’s a huge safeguarding issue there.
But also about the bullying. I know theres nothing left for this year (a week?) but this can’t continue,

How does your dh feel about this? Does he want to raise with the school?

Bullying isn’t a school matter?
Safeguarding usnt a school matter!

In your books, what IS a school matter?

To be fair I didn’t realise the girl wasn’t going to the sleepover until I had already posted. The original post made it sound like one of the girls had just said a silly comment and she was phoning the school about it. I take back my first response! It is a school matter.

To be fair to the people who are confused, the OP's reply-tos have got quite mixed up across the different things she was responding to. I've pieced together that:

1. The allegation is 100% false and the DH was never going to be anywhere near the sleeping locations
2. The troubled girl was never invited to the party
3. She is not in fact friends with the OP's DD
4. The girl has been spreading these false allegations about the DH at school
5. The party is not going to be cancelled
6. The OP is seeking opinions on contacting the school and/or the girl's parents, and has now in fact done both of these things

Good luck OP! I'd be so stressed right now in your shoes.

It’s perfectly clear from her original posting you read it properly that that is not what’s happening.