AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

OP, I think this is the post which made people think the other girl had been invited. Maybe you quoted the wrong post but it did sound like you couldn't uninvite the girl because it would upset your daughter k.

What evidence do you have this girl is spreading the gossip?

I guess the Op will never confirm what her dh thinks, how he’s reacted to this and what action he thinks would be appropriate

I am not het up or cross. I'm just embarrassed that people can't read or understand and don't know what to do when it is obvious. Thankfully I'm nowhere near the SE btw.

Do school have an email? I'm school staff and this is something I would want to know. I wouldn't mention it to the other parents. Safeguarding will know the best way to deal with this.

I’d be really worried that this girl has experienced a man coming into her room in a worrying way. It could just be a vivid imagination but the warning signs are all there. I hope your call to the safeguarding lead means she gets the right support, whatever that looks like. This isn’t a normal thing to say about your friend’s dad as a 12 yr old.

Must be something else then

I actually would do that, given the circumstances.

Honestly, regardless of anything else, they may be a good option. If I were you OH, I’d be off elsewhere. Couldn’t risk being in same house and then the girl making an even more serious accusation.

But the girl isn't even going to be there!

I wouldn't either, it gives the impression that there's something to hide, soon, the words 'no smoke without fire' will be trotted out and it's very hard to put that genie back in the lamp.

The teachers have no idea if it’s lies or not because a home sleepover has nothing to do with school.

It’s for the parents to sort out between them.

You are completely missing the point.

Or, more accurately, I just don’t agree with you.

Tbf to @Darragon I read the OP as the little girl was saying DH was sleeping with the girls (have sex), that she was deliberately twisting that DH would be sleeping in the same room.
So I did think the “obviously isn’t happening whatsoever” applied to DH not having sex with the girls but that he was sleeping in the same room. 😅

I'm echoing other school staff here, you do need to tell the safeguarding lead at your daughter's school. If this girl is spreading malicious rumours regarding your husband around school, then they need stopping. These type of rumours have the potential to ruin someone's personal life and career.

It also raises the question of why your daughter's 'friend' is spreading lies about your husband? At 12, she's old enough to understand that spreading rumours that she knows are lies is very wrong.

I would be discouraging the friendship. This girl is not your daughter's friend. I wouldn't be inviting her into my home either.

I think you need to be the parent here. She should not be in your home, DD is old enough to understand why. This is not a situation where you placate your daughter, you need to protect your family. You also need boundaries. These are not the actions of a 'friend'. Its a valuable lesson for your daughter about exercising discernment - being choosy who you're friends with.

It's absolutely to do with the school, because this sort of inappropriately sexualised behaviour raises red flags about what is going on in the girl's home and is a safeguarding issue. Various teachers on here have made it clear that this is very much the school's business, why do you think you know better?

my DD had a bully like that and speak to parents to be very clear that this never happens and would not happen due to safeguarding reasons. With school for concern about the child to think this is a ok thing to say and think of (maybe she is vocalising her own unsavoury situation) and also bullying behaviour towards your DD. For my DD school made sure their play times were separated and had a TA always keep an eye out for DD. It really helped.

Sleepovers are nothing but trouble, what is wrong with an outing to McDonald's? Kids' meal and a toy? And a supervised walk in the park, you and your dh supervising them on the swings, etc.? What is this need to drag little miscreants into your home? And overnight?

Is this satire?

Ah yes... every 12 year olds dream birthday party!

I don't care what they want, I go by what I can offer them. Invariably, every year, occasionally I took them to the cinema+McD, a soft play, then McD - everyone was delighted.

Well the OP can offer her kids a sleepover...

And I never ever allowed mine to go to sleepovers for the reason of non-related adults being present in the form of parents, uncles, and even neighbours. When I was growing up, sleepovers were not a thing and it was perfect.

Cancel all sleepovers.