AIBU to raise this comment about DD’s sleepover with school?

[onyourbill]

Honestly don’t know if I am or not!

All very much kids stuff but 12 year “friend” of DD, who we have nothing but endless trouble with, has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever. She obviously means in the same room, but I’m really not comfortable with her saying this whatsoever as she knows exactly what she’s saying. AIBU to speak with school or am I overthinking?

This kid has been relentless for months with my DD so I’m very aware that it doesn’t take much for her to completely naff we off…

You’re reading comprehension is off. I’ll be generous and blame it on the heat.
But at no point did Op say this in her post.

Can you recall the message to the parents? I really wouldn’t be contacting them because I’d have in the back of my mind that this girl could have come up with this awful idea because it’s happened to her with a male relative. Better to let school handle it as a safeguarding concern.

"which obviously isn't happening whatsoever"

sounds pretty clear to me.

Should have gone to specsavers

If this girl is bullying the OP’s daughter in school
(which comments like that about her dad are a form of bullying) then absolutely the school need to be made aware so they can deal with it.

Also if you do tell school tomorrow, which you should, and there’s any sort of investigation the family are going to know it’s you who reported it which could spark further retaliatory behaviour towards DD. All round a bad idea to have contacted the parents.

Gosh how horrible. I actually wouldn't respond. I think saying something leaves a mark and might look defensive (I know that's completely unfair). I think just ignore it and if it's raised you can laugh and say 'well she also said X, Y, Z'. How awful for you both. Nurture your daughter's other friendships.

I don't understand why it's a bad idea to contact the parents? Someone needs to flag it to them... why not the people being accused of a dangerous act?

???

They didn't say to cancel the party, they said to not invite the girl who is spreading lies. So people (including me) obviously thought you were saying you had to invite the culprit or your DD would be upset. Which sounded like bonkers behaviour.

@BudgetBusterbecause the girls behaving might indicate that she is being abused (it’s a recognised red flag) and that usually is by a male in the family. So potentially you are telling the child’s abuser/rapist about what’s she said

I don't understand why it's a bad idea to contact the parents?

Because you don't know her home circumstances
Because op says the girl is troubled and you don't know the cause of that
Because you don't know where the girl has picked up her spiteful behaviour
Because you don't know where she has got the idea of a father sleeping 'with' his daughter
Because you don't know how the parents will react

School personnel on the thread have said they would want to know if it was one of their pupils. Let them deal with it.

I would speak to the school to get ahead of this. I'd be tempted to cancel the sleepover or at least ban this girl from coming. A rumour like that could be absolutely devastating for the whole family.

This.
School should definitely be informed.
I would not advise contacting the parents in this case.

You’re joking right?

You seem to be saying here that you won't disinvite the bully from the party because your dd would be upset then later you say the bully isn't invited to the party at all. Can you clarify?

I usually don't agree with telling schools stuff when it's either parents or social services that need telling. But in this instance I would. For 2 reasons:

1-the school may already have concerns about this girl's home life
2- if school hear of this, they may need to inform social services,. depending on how they hear it/ the way it's said.

I would also tell your dd that sadly this girl can't come over due to what she is saying. It's too much of a risk for you.

“has gone round telling people at school that my DH will sleep with the girls at DD’s upcoming birthday sleepover which obviously isn’t happening whatsoever”

No it didn’t!

I would message the parents of the children staying over and say that another child has started a rumour about your DH sharing a room with the girls and that whilst it’s obviously nonsense, you just wanted to make them aware and reassure them that this is absolutely not the case.

Deal with it all via the school. Also outline all the previous behaviour towards your DD, so they get a real picture of what's going on.

I’ve never said the bully was invited. She isn’t, and never has been, on the invite list.

“I just couldn’t do that to my DD. She’d be so upset.”

be a grown up and get a grip ffs!!!!!!

OP, the problem is that you replied to a poster saying ‘I wouldn’t be inviting that girl to the sleepover’ and then replied that your daughter would be devastated. Hence the confusion

Hope your daughter has a fab sleepover and you resolve the issue with the school

This
Scary stuff indeed.

I’m a teacher and disagree that it’s nothing to do with the school - just because it is a red flag that she is saying thing because it counts as sexualised behaviour which is sometimes how some children show they have been exploited or abused. It’s worth them knowing.

That doesn't explain why you responded to someone who suggested disinviting the bully that you would never do that because your dd would be devastated.

Ah ok that makes sense, prob just Jealous she’s not invited.