To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

[Kate8889]

My mom has a husband she's been with for about 12 years, they're in their 60s.

He has a sister and their father recently died after a very difficult few years of Alzheimer's disease (he was physically combative on the daily).

This sister (in front of everyone) told her mom that if a person gets a diagnosis such as Alzheimer's it is the person's responsibility that they don't become a burden on their loved ones and they should end their life. I cannot imagine saying that to anyone but especially my parents.

My dad died at Christmas after being diagnosed with dementia 8 years ago, but in hindsight he'd had it for a good 10 years prior to that. Having spent all those years gradually losing every part of him slowly, the anticipatory grief followed by losing him completely is something else. Even six months later, my brain won't let me grieve for his actual death. I feel in limbo. If I'm diagnosed with dementia then I'll be making sure my loved ones don't experience this. It's a hard thing to hear, but I completely understand what she means.

That is really not a good idea. The person assisting is likely to end up in prison. If your friend decides to proceed by her own hand make sure you do not have the details of time, place, method in any communication and, if you know them by verbal means only, do not admit this. Same goes the other way round for your friend. This is a really messy area.

I'm a bit shocked by PP saying the sister wasn't unreasonable, and for context my DM died of dementia having tried to kill herself twice during the earlier period of her diagnosis. The second time she stopped eating for weeks in an attempt to starve herself to death, and I supported her right to do that, including multiple meetings with staff at the home in which she was living by then.

I absolutely believe that someone faced with a diagnosis like this should have the right to choose to end their life in a dignified way - not by having to try to starve like DM did.

However, to say that anyone has a responsibility or duty to kill themselves so as not to be a burden on others is horrific - indeed I would say evil.

And what if people change their mind as it is so often the case?

How will you know if the person is starting with dementia? How will you handle the fact theyre likely not able to deal with pressure from family members the same way they used (oressure either way btw)

Not sure how you would plan a trip to Switzerland when you have dementia 🤔🤔

Well not really

If I'm in a care home then I will refuse any treatment. If they try and override that claiming lack of capacity then the AD kicks in. If I genuinely do not have capacity then the AD will be applicable.

Please don't do this! Traumatic suicide is a dreadful thing for family to deal with. Also if is a road bridge think about the drivers on the road. Hopefully you won't need to consider this though

I wonder how exactly one would know that though
I trust my eldest explicitly that if she says it’s time for me to pop off, I shall pop off
But I don’t know how a person could possibly make that decision really themselves you’re not gonna be coherent to listen to the diagnosis I would imagine

No, it's not the most awful thing. I've had much worse.

My dad watched dementia take my nanny, his beloved mum slowly and cruelly over 7 years. When she died he said to me "if ever I get like nanny i'll kill myself off" and he was deadly serious. If ever I get like that, i've told my boys and husband i'll be off to Swizterland. My dads uncle found out he was in the early stages of it & took his own life on his farm. His wife was too frail to have cared for him.

Many get told they have early on-set dementia before it gets to it's worst.

Make sure you get your cruise in first. I like your thinking.🤣. Sorry but on such a horrible matter a morbid sense of humour is needed

You’d know because you got a diagnosis. My mum never had one but it was clear as day and it was her cause of death on her death certificate. If I suspected I had it I’d be asking for a referral to the memory clinic immediately so I could sort my affairs out before it completely overtook me.

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Also, it's not necessarily a good way to go. Someone I knew jumped off a high bridge and landed in water. The fall alone could have killed her (and would have seriously injured her), but she drowned. The thought of drowning whilst too badly injured to swim is not a pleasant one.

Not only that I know somebody who survived it broken pelvis broken legs he was the right mess

Have I misunderstood or have the majority of posters missed the point here? This isn’t about the trials of dementia or whether euthanasia should be legal. This is about a daughter effectively telling her mother, that if she (the mother) gets dementia, she has a responsibility to kill herself so that the daughter doesn’t have to deal with it. If the majority think that’s ok, I despair at humanity.

I agree. My late DM was in a rest home, she had mild dementia so wasn't too bad, but there were people a lot worse. The staff were lovely and the residents so obviously well cared for and I used to enjoy my visits there.

YANBU OP, it was a dreadful thing to say.

Well, I for one agree. I can't believe anyone's making excuses for this woman.

@Blossomtoes My mum got a diagnosis ok.. her GP decided she was deaf & that was the cause of her not recognising family members etc..
You couldn't make it up. :-(

So sorry. That’s dreadful.

my mum got a diagnosis fairly early on. She was well aware she had early onset and was still using Facebook, able to work, talk to people about it etc

It's an awful thing to say I agree. However, I do believe people have a responsibility to put things in place for their future e.g. Advanced Directives and have a mature conversation about it. I've been through it with multiple family members and it is unfair on the children if there's been no thought given to end of life (especially when the person is in denial).

That said, the glib "I'll just top myself" responses on this thread are silly. I had a conversation with my grandma about this before she died (and was still lucid) and she said she'd thought about it many times but couldn't go through with it. The survival instinct and the fear of dying is strong.

What's even more silly is my MIL saying things like "if I get like that just put a pillow over my head". As if you'd expect your own child to end your life and risk a prison sentence.

Me and DH have agreed that if either of us gets to a point that we cant remember each other or any point of being together the one unaffected should try to carry on with their life. In effect the other person has died but we've never discussed dignitas or similar.

It helps to understand what you find wrong with this statement. There are people out there who actively believe in hell / think and say 'sinners will burn in hell'.

If your loved pet were suffering, you (hopefully) wouldn't hesitate to euthanise. What is it specifically that horrifies you about the view that people should be exercising their free will and ability to reason, to choose euthanasia for themselves too.

Why is it more selfish to want people to make that choice than to refuse to make it. Just questions.