To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

[Kate8889]

My mom has a husband she's been with for about 12 years, they're in their 60s.

He has a sister and their father recently died after a very difficult few years of Alzheimer's disease (he was physically combative on the daily).

This sister (in front of everyone) told her mom that if a person gets a diagnosis such as Alzheimer's it is the person's responsibility that they don't become a burden on their loved ones and they should end their life. I cannot imagine saying that to anyone but especially my parents.

While I don't think she's right to say that, I understand her point of view. s someone who has lost and is losing close family members to dementia-causinflg diseases, should I be diagnosed with any of those, I will absolutely end my own life rather than put my DC through more years of hell. I've told them - I'll be on a plane to Switzerland.

Not how such a sensitive subject should be spoken about.
My good friend and I have made a pact, as we don’t want to go to Switzerland, that we will help each other out if either of us are diagnosed with dementia.

I've said that same about myself, I'll chuck myself off a big bridge whilst I still have capacity,I don't want put my daughters through that.

Having gone through this with mil, who turned into a mindless zombie after years of being the most fabulous mil a person could ask for, I actually quite empathise. Have you been through similar, OP? It's fucking AWFUL, let me tell you. I wouldn't miss dementia on anyone and would do as pp say, off to Dignitas if possible. I certainly don't want my dh to have to care for me if I develop dementia. It's horrible.

Delivery was off, but sentiment is sound ….

as someone who had a hellish time with a parent with a brain tumour, I get it. And I think unless you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to cast judgement.

How she expects someone so demented to actually get a dementia diagnosis to have the esecutive function to implement a plan to end their life is beyond me.

My friend saw her mother through 5 years of this hell. She said her death was a relief and if they all had known what lay ahead the mum would have gone to dignitas.

The immediate “old people’ in my family haven’t got old enough to get dementia, but the poor souls we came across on various hospital stays were in a pitiful state and there is absolutely no way I will inflict that on my kids, so I’m afraid I agree with her and will do similar if I ever get that diagnoses. Hopefully our own country’s laws will allow it by the time I’m in that age bracket, rather than having to make a trip to Pegasos or Switzerland
If the poor sister has spent years (possibly decades!) caring for the combative dementia suffering father, I cant imagine her life has been much fun poor woman. As a poster says above, the delivery a little blunt but the sentiment is spot on to my way of thinking.

I really empathise with her.

Yes, but I assume her somewhat garbled point is that you put some stipulations in place about what you want when you're still at the stage of just starting to notice yourself starting to slip. I don't disagree.

I’ve told my husband that I will take a cruise around the world and jump off the boat at the very end.

My kids don’t need to say it to me because I’ve told them I’ll be making my own arrangements. Dementia is awful and kills you twice by taking away who you are before actually ending your life.

I don’t want to exist like that and more importantly, I don’t want them to see me existing like that.

I have to say I’d do the same. I wouldn’t say it so bluntly but seeing what my dad’s going through with dementia and watching my mum die of terminal cancer - I’ll be saving up the pills to take a clatter of them in a oner and sleep away. And yes, I’ve done my research.

In what way will you help each other out?

Now that is a good friendship. The truth is we need a club to help each other, a MN dignitas - alike telegram group or something.

She’s not wrong, though she could have been more sensitive.

My dad has always said he’d rather be smothered by a pillow than forced to live with dementia.

I don't think you can opt for voluntary euthanasia if you have dementia as you are not of sound mind. Having seen my mother with it I would do that if it was possible but I don't think you can specify in advance at what stage of the disease you want to be euthanised . My mother never believed there was anything wrong with her so wouldn't have asked for it.

It's terrible to make a decision on someone else's behalf though and this idea is one of the reasons holding the legalisation back

She never cared for him, her mom did but I assume she visited and saw what he was reduced to

One that leaves you or your friends open to being convicted for murder.

And is that something that can currently legally be done in the UK?
Where I live (southern Europe) it is not.

How much care did you do compared to SIL? If it was equal then fair enough, if not don't judge until you've been through it.

I wish there was a legal way to do this in the UK. By the time a diagnosis is made, most people would be beyond planning a trip abroad plus it's too expensive for many.

ive alwayts said i will end it myself if diagnosed or i;ll put something in place

horrible disease

Dignitas will accept people with dementia but they need to be of sound mind and have capacity.

it also takes about six months, a shit load of paperwork and at least six thousand pounds.

realistically anyone passing the dignitas procedure has only very very mild dementia.

Many people think that is the what things should be

the care system in the UK is broken so the demands on individuals are very high. It’s inhumane either way.

it’s also very expensive to provide decent care and quite a few people have that in their hearts when they discuss assisted dying

A friend of mine was on a cruise where someone did this because he had terminal cancer. His family were with him but it was a terrible thing to do for the rest of the passengers as there was no entertainment for the rest of the trip. It spoiled a holiday that innocent people had paid a lot for. Very selfish imo.