To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

[Kate8889]

My mom has a husband she's been with for about 12 years, they're in their 60s.

He has a sister and their father recently died after a very difficult few years of Alzheimer's disease (he was physically combative on the daily).

This sister (in front of everyone) told her mom that if a person gets a diagnosis such as Alzheimer's it is the person's responsibility that they don't become a burden on their loved ones and they should end their life. I cannot imagine saying that to anyone but especially my parents.

Because the sister is saying it's a duty to kill yourself, not just a valid option.

Thank God the legislation didn’t go through. The fear of pressure from family members is very real.

This, in a nutshell, is the issue. All those stating they'd choose to end their lives if they had dementia are missing the point.

I know there is a lot of fear around this but you should educate yourself a little more about the disease before saying people should die once diagnosed. It’s not always the horror you are envisaging. There is a range of experience.

My grandfather died with it (aspiration pneumonia in the end), my MIL also had it. Very different experiences- it effectively reduced and revealed them each to their truest core characters. MIL a depressive, bitter, critical and unhappy woman. DGF a happy, joyful and joyous man. Grateful for everything and saw the joy and took pleasure in everything- a chat with someone, seeing a toddler playing, the most awful unfunny ‘sit coms’, food, good fudge. The friends he had at the care home at the end, the care staff. The passing of them both was peaceful too.

It truly may not be the horror story you are so sure would happen. We’d have been deprived of many years with DGF if he had followed your suggestion and I’m grateful for that time and how he was.

OP, you are right. It is disgusting to say. Does she think the same of terminal cancer? People die in horrific pain with that if palliative pain meds don’t work- and they quite often do not at the end. If not, why not?

Precisely. Imagine now if your dcs told you they suspected dementia. The cheek! you’d probably say. And that’s the problem - if you have dementia your awareness goes and if anything like mil you’d be hotly denying it. Fil was convinced mil would “pull through” and be back to normal.

Some of you Mumsnet followers must have the medical knowledge on how to obtain the appropriate medication and in what quantity to allow me to go to sleep permanently. Which is what I would want if I was diagnosed with early stage dementia. I'd put my affairs in order ensuring minimum trouble for family and drift off this mortal coil.

A doctor friend says a syringe of insulin would do it and would be their preferred method.

The reaction of someone expecting and dreading dementia wouldn’t be “the cheek!” if their offspring told them early enough. It would be profound gratitude.

Exactly. People saying they'd do it are missing the point. Commit suicide if you want but don't tell other people it is their duty to do it.to

In addition, some forgetfulness is a normal part of aging. You can't be sure early on. Even medics will dismiss until it more advanced and all their peers reassure them "oh that's just getting older, we are all like that".

Whatever she thinks/thought is her business but she should have kept it to herself. Maybe she should have said, if I'm diagnosed with it I would want to end my life and not put anyone through the ordeal of looking after me. No need to say any more, unless to the one doing the caring, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, all the stress and hard work, you must be shattered, try and take time for yourself now.

I wish I had been brave enough to end my Dad's suffering from dementia. He was terrified, saw dead bodies under the hospital and care home beds.

It was bloody awful. I would not wish it on anyone.

You sound like a total hero! X

I would definitely hesitate to put my pet down...I'd want to know there was no alternative such as surgery/pain control medication/physical therapy. Only the ln would I consider euthenasia

Really ? Animals have no concept that what you’re trying to do might be in their interests but actually usually it’s in the interests of the Vet and the drug companies pocket and the pet owner wanting to prolong the inevitable
Plenty of times I’ve thought the kindest thing to do would be to let the animal go and when people are spending eight £9000 on operations when there are children in this world that are going without an ice cream today cause mum and dad haven’t got the money we’ve got to consider whether our priorities are right

I don't think you can state that quite so categorically; it's a very subjective thing. And not everyone would make the decision to end things should that day come.

I'm sorry if this has already been shared, but all those sympathetic to the idea that people with dementia should kill themselves after diagnosis, should read this article. People with dementia are not defined by their condition. There are approaches such as cognitive stimulation which can stave off decline and even reverse it. It is a toxic combination of ageism and ableism that means dementia is treated very differently from other conditions such as stroke.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/jun/09/dementia-rebels-diagnosed-determined-change-peoples-minds?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

It’s not ageism or ableism. It’s first hand experience.

Experience of what, have you had dementia?
This is the thing from what I understand of dementia. The person with it is perfectly bloody happy floating around in their little bubble minding their own business. It’s everybody around them. It’s a problematic for.
It’s not like they’re in pain

My mother was not perfectly happy.

I wish I was but thank you.

Okay maybe yours wasn’t. Maybe she was never happy. Maybe I would be with dementia. None of us could possibly know.

No it isn't always like that. It can be very unpleasant for the person with dementia. I don't think you can predict if they will be happy in their bubble or suffering a living hell.

Neither was mine, she was lost in time and space and scared all the time. She thought she was in 1950s Liverpool. She was doubly incontinent and violent. My friend's dad, however, once safely installed in his care home was perfectly happy chatting to his long dead friends all day. People are different.

I am now old enough to have friends dealing with their spouse's dementia and it strikes me that identifying it early and taking advantage of medical help avaliable makes it a lot less awful than trying to cover it up and soldier on like my parents did. This might change as time goes on but none of them are currently contemplating suicide or assisted dying.

She was very happy before that appalling disease got its claws into her. You clearly know nothing about it.

When we had our 19 year old dog euthanised it was horrific. I could cry thinking about it and will never have another dog because of it. The fear in his eyes, the panic, the fighting against it. No never again. Was it in his interests? I doubt it and he'd probably have died quite soon anyway.