To think this is the most awful thing to say to a parent

[Kate8889]

My mom has a husband she's been with for about 12 years, they're in their 60s.

He has a sister and their father recently died after a very difficult few years of Alzheimer's disease (he was physically combative on the daily).

This sister (in front of everyone) told her mom that if a person gets a diagnosis such as Alzheimer's it is the person's responsibility that they don't become a burden on their loved ones and they should end their life. I cannot imagine saying that to anyone but especially my parents.

You are allowed to do it. Other people aren't allowed to do it for you

Thank you for rational engagement @NoctuaAthene. As it goes I agree with you and I doubt my dementia situation, should it happen to me, will ever be solved however I might wish it. I am, however, very angry that the ability of people with capacity who are terminally ill to determine their own future is being blocked by a minority of unelected members of the Lords who I suspect would change their minds in a heartbeat if their lives were affected.

I’m not. The only guaranteed means of suicide is by restricted drugs which aren’t available to me. And the law doesn’t allow for the people who love me to be with me without being criminalised.

The method might not suit you but you can do it.

Nothing else is guaranteed. And my other point?

Yes other methods are guaranteed but I'm not going to go into that here. Well we are all different but I wouldn't ask people who love me to witness my suicide. It could traumatise them for life.

Your choice. You get to have one. I don’t.

I would rather watch a loved one and hold their hand as they died in a manner which they have chosen...rather then find their body or watch them suffer after failed attempts, or watch them in a living hell having treatment forced upon them they never wanted and didn't consent to either. All in an advanced directive which was completely ignored. I do appreciate that there are strong feelings, but assisted suicide is what they wanted, they were so scared of the inhumanity that was to come. The trauma of violent suicide and helplessness of watching medical professionals give invasive medical treatment that was not wanted and directly against expressed wishes is immeasurable.

I would never want to ask a loved one to witness that. It doesn't have to be you finding their body. I'm traumatized having watched my much loved dog being euthanised when it went horribly wrong. No drugs don't always work like they are supposed to. The very experienced vet was very distressed and till the day I die I think I will hear the bang as he fought for his life and then collapsed hitting his head on the floor. It was 13 years ago and I'm crying remembering it. Would I risk that for one of my lived ones? No I can't think of anything more selfish.

Just googled it and PTSD after witnessing assisted dying is a known risk.

Honestly I totally get that. But for me personally the trauma of watching someone pinned down to have invasive treatment that they didn't want, loys if attempts on their life and them finally committing suicide in a violent way was way worse than holding their hands dying in a way they wanted. Reality was that with chorea and dementia they couldn't control their movements anyway. They were young, they didn't want to spend years in a hospital/care home with no meaning to their life. It was their choice and I think medical professionals, social services etc should have respected their wish to die, rather than an illness that could only get progressively worse, being force fed or starved and having no dignity or respect at all.

Who is authorising the treatment. I had LPA for an elderly relative. I was always consulted about their treatment. Doctors never tried to pressure me to agree to treatment I didn't agree to. This even went with COVID and flu jabs where I always said I agreed in principle but at any sign of distress they had to stop, I was always consulted. I generally got the impression that doctors were relieved I wasnt pushing for invasive treatments.

They had capacity when they made decisions following a positive genetic test. As the disease progressed they were pushed between mental and physical health trusts, with a lack of co-ordinated care and often disagreements between different teams around capacity, even when in psychosis. Invasive, incorrect treatments further damaged their brain e.g. electic shock therapy, which took away short term memories. That team then walked away. There was no time for a LPA, however LPA for neurological diseases in young people are hard to come by, especially when the disease causes a lack of insight. Rare diseases, that a lot of doctors have no experience of, that cross between mental and physical health teams with no guaranteed 6 months left to live provision, will never be given the right to die in this country, leaving violent suicide or a living hell for people who would rather die peacefully. I totally respect everyone's right to choose, or not, but do think rare diseases should be special considerations within any assisted dying bill.

LPA are easy to sort out, I did mine and my husband's. I'm not sure why they would be harder for young people unless you mean young people wouldn't think to do it. Mind you having had one for relative id be wary about doing it again. It is a heavy responsibility.

You never did come back to me on where I had said this, by the way, so I assume you accepted that I didn’t.

Side note, that with alzheimers or dementia you would be too late for Switzerland sadly, you'd be deemed to no longer have capacity. My dad looked into it after his diagnosis.