Equal bill splitting annoyance

[Adfreefreezer]

Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

It's not mean or penny-pinching to want to pay for what you eat and drink. If someone is so bothered by it that they'd rather not share a meal with me, I'm better off without them. I watch what I spend so I can spend where I want and need to. Subsidising someone else doesn't make sense. Unless I've offered to pay, they can cover their own bill and order accordingly, as I do.

So next time I'd just make it clear that you're getting a separate bill. The rest of them can think what they like.

(When arranging the next meet up) Hey girls, really looking forward to it, this time can we split the food bill but get drinks separately as I’m not drinking? Thanks.

Go on, then. Guess.

Would you find it easier to say "It's not really fair that 4th friend is paying the same as you two who have had several drinks"? It seems two of you are subsidising the other two, unless 4th friend also drinks sometimes. Splitting bills is a simple and quick way to pay but it does start to grate if you're the person who always overlays.

Because the CF orders the salmon has a tiny bit of it, decides she wants to order a steak so does so. The salmon is not eaten.
Why should Emma on a fairly low salary, saving for a house and driving be paying 1/6th of the sodding salmon and brandies?

Sorry quoted the wrong post.

I always pay for my own food. Being a (poor) veggie non drinker means I'll always spend less.

I’d say that someone feeling aggrieved upon finding out that they were actually going to have to pay for what they’d ordered because they were hoping their mate would foot part of it is far more CFery behaviour personally

I would ask for drinks to be separately billed or at the end chip in my share plus tip and say it’s because I don’t drink (true)

A little extra is fine. Don’t mind paying £10 more. But recently prices of alcohol have gone up… I don’t think I should pay triple what my meal cost. Call me ungenerous but with a sick husband and earning £14 an hour I simply cannot afford to pay more than my portion.

I think that's a sensible approach @Adfreefreezer .

I like a drink with a meal myself, but if I notice that I'm drinking more than the rest of the table then I'll always say "I'll put in an extra tenner" or "I'll pay for that second bottle". It's only fair.

Like I said in my first post and then said again in the post you quoted, it's only relevant if you can afford it.

I don’t really drink very much and sometimes am watching what I’m spending too and my friends and I are all mindful of each other on things like this. If we’ve had roughly the same we’ll spilt the bill equally but if for example I haven’t drunk much and several bottles were ordered, someone will always say oh you only had a glass do you just pay x or if someone had a dessert when others didn’t, they’ll say I’ll put in x amount as I had a dessert. It’s all very easy and not uncomfortable at all.

Split the food equally and keep the alcohol bill separate and the drinkers can pay that among themselves.

Is your company not worth paying for then? Because the OP is clear that this discrepancy only cuts one way and your largesse only works if the feeling is mutual and reciprocal, otherwise your generosity is all being wasted on people who are happy to take advantage of it.

For non drinkers we all cringe at those who sit back and watch others pay for your 2 large glasses of sauvignon blanc whilst we had a coke.

Depends on the place. Some places there’s not that much difference between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks - a couple of non-alcoholic drinks could easily be more than a glass of wine.

Just put something on the group chat or email ot whatever when it's being organised. 'As I don't drink, and drinks have got so expensive in restaurants these days, I'll be asking for a separate bill for my food / drink. Let me know if you'd all prefer to do the same or split the remainder between you equally. Thanks'

How on earth is somebody always receiving a subsidy and somebody else always having to pay for that subsidy mutual altruism?!

I hate the way that the terms "mean" and "penny pinching" are weaponised by people who are not willing to pay for what they ordered and expect others to subsidise them. Even worse is the false" oh its the price you pay for a lovely evening with friends".

Do people who are on strict budgets not deserve a night out and to have friends? Decent people will take notice if they consume a lot more than others and insist on paying for the additional items they consumed. That's it. Friendship is a 2 way street. It doesn't mean that you expect others to subsidise you.

Your solution of taking cash and handing it over when you leave is a good one OP. If your friends are decent people then they will accept that and be embarrassed that they have not noticed on prior occasions and taken steps themselves to do the right thing.

I don’t drink and I think penny pinchers who order expensive stuff and a ton of booze and don’t have the generosity to even say “I’ll pay X because I had a pudding and 8 cocktails so you owe Y”. Tight arses expecting their “mates” to subsidise them over and over again. I bet they aren’t saying “ooo, you two had a bar bill before we sat down - let’s knock that off”. I know it’s easy to lose track and forget about the bread and coffee and how expensive a soft drink can be but I hate people being grifters and going to get a whole month of food and drink down them in 90 mins at other peoples expense. My SIL is awful for it - we eat - then she orders a whole extra meal and packs it into takeaway containers. You either suck it up or you have to say “shall we order drinks separately” or “no, I’m not splitting drinks, happy to split food though but I ordered my drink at the bar and my share is coming to about £30 more than I ate” or “Alice and I paid for our drinks separately so how about we split the food between 4 and the drinks between you two”. They will rather ironically think that you are the penny pincher, despite getting you to buy them drinks endlessly without ever reciprocating.

That's just how paying for things works, though! The restaurant doesn't round prices up or down to make sure that your bill is to an exact pound/fiver; so why is it embarrassing or cringey when you pay the agreed price for what you've had?

When I go out with ex-colleagues we always pay for what we’ve had. It takes an embarrassing amount of time to work out but it’s fair. I’m always one of the higher spenders - I often pick expensive food and I like a drink or 4 - so in this way I can order what I like without feeling guilty about others subsidising me.

Maybe say I hope you don’t mind but I need to watch my finances so will be careful only to pay for what I have tonight. Tell them you have a life coach and finances are your current focus with him/her.

Plus you’d be risking them saying oooh we don’t mind sure ☺️☺️☺️☺️ and then you’d be fucked. Honestly I do not understand those silly lies?

OP in the past all I’ve said was “ooh no sorry I’d rather not split the bill, I’d rather pay for mine”, I make sure to round up anyway and include a tip, it’s not like I count the pennies

But yeah after being burnt several times (for example one night I couldn’t drink as was on medication and my friends ended up doing more than one 2 for 1 cocktails, another night when I still couldn’t drink friends got a bottle of wine - then merrily suggested splitting) I’ve decided that if THEY are not embarrassed letting me pay double the amount of what I should be paying, then I’m definitely not going to be embarrassed asking to pay for what I ordered

i would just get the waiter to split the bill when ordering

we had this a few years ago. One friend barely ate and said she wasn't prepared to split the bill equally so someone else said no problem we will all pay for ourselves. One of the women got annoyed and upset saying she would not have ordered so much if she knew she had to pay for it. Unbelievable.