Equal bill splitting annoyance

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Just after some balanced opinions.

Context is that 4 of us old work colleagues meet for dinner 2 or 3 times a year.

We always split the bill equally between us.

Last time we met last week it was noticeable that 2 of us including me ordered a drink at the bar when we arrived and then paid for it ourselves and then found our table and didn't drink any more.

Other 2 ordered all drinks at the table to go on the group tab and had 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks.

I had a main at 15 quid, others ordered mains all about 20 to 22 each, no issue there.

However the bill came to just over 160 plus tip and we all paid about 45 each, it really struck home that 2 of us are massively subsidising the others 2 alcohol !

Don't want to spoil the atmosphere but equally it's irritating !

No one skint , all working

What is a pleasant way to put a stop to this ?! Without being mean or penny pinching

I am usually happy to split the bill, if my share is say £30 and I’ve only eaten/drank £20. I wouldn’t grumble over an extra tenner.

But if my share of a £200 bill between 3 is £18, to be forced to pay an extra £50 is a pisstake. Even if I can afford it, that’s money I could have spent on my DCs or paid a bill with. At the same time the CFers are paying the same £66 so they are both £25 pound each up on what they’ve consumed at the cost of their friend.

I had dinner with a couple of friends who ordered two bottles of expensive wine between them plus a cocktail each. They are very heavy drinkers and I’m teetotal. I split the enormous bill but I wasn’t happy and I’ll never go out with them again.

Thirty quid subsidising other people’s drinks when you only had one soft drink all night ? Don’t think so.

It's not that hard tbh, I have started telling the waiter when they take my order, that I would like a separate bill. It's your right and no one's business why you want one. It's the only industry that behaves like this, making it awkward for people because they can't be bothered with the admin of calculating separate bills - clothes shops manage, fast food manages, cinemas manage.. literally every other industry manages to give people a separate bill when making a purchase.

The first restaurant to make individual bills compulsory will make so much money(!)

I’ve been in both sides of this and when I’m the one drinking I’ll always suggest the drinkers split the alcohol bill. Thats an easy way to eradicate big unfairnesses in the bill splitting. It’s inconsiderate of your friends not to think of this.

next time say something along the lines of - “can we put the alcohol on a separate bill since only half of us are drinking” or “I’ll just pay for myself since I’ve only had one soft drink”.

You are paying for the occasion not an individual night out

This goes the other way though,

I go out with my group of five, all old school friends and we have known each other for decades. We are all in completely different income streams, I wouldn’t expect my high earning friend to pay out for me to eat a 3 course à la carte meal and drink like a fish when she had only ordered a set menu and a soda!

that’s taking advantage of friends

I always feel quite sorry for some of the posters on threads like this. I can’t imagine socialising with people who aren’t aware of what they’ve ordered, and don’t instantly mention it when it comes to paying.

we go out with some friends as a couple, or friends individually, and I’d say the bill is split more often than not - but every single time there’s a unfair discrepancy it has been mentioned by one of the party. Its normally shrugged off by the person who would be considered out of pocket, because I think it evens out eventually and it’s never an outlandish amount, but the fact that it’s noted by the rest of the group shows a mutual consideration I think.

Also, I’d hate to socialise with people who think I’m trying to sponge off them if I have a second cocktail. May that friendship never find me.

There are so many varying opinions on what is fair. It needs to be agreed prior to meal.
I went out for a meal with a group of ex work colleagues recently. Some wanted to pay for what they ate and others were happy to split the bill equally.
In the end, everyone paid for what they ate and drank.

Just say before you go 'do you mind if we all just pay individually as I'm a bit brassic atm and need to be careful with what I spend. You all go ahead and order what you want still though!' Simple, friendly and to the point!

When the bill comes I would just say - I’m going to pay for what I’ve had

i had some friends that do this and I don’t think anything of it

I always pay extra when I am drinking and make a point of saying that I will pay extra when ordering anything extravagant. Your friends are selfish.

As a teetotaler I find people are usually pretty good about this when you mention it. Although it’s a frequent source of cringe when I have to say ‘I actually had a £15 pasta and a glass of water and you guys had £60 worth of wine…’. I hate it but nobody will ever get me back for it because I don’t drink so it always feels unfair.

You obviously don't have a friend who orders a starter, 2 mains 3 side dishes and alcoholic drinks when you've had a main dish and tap water, and she earns twice what you do.

£30 is quite a lot of money to me. At least three big family meals at home, for example.

You can tell who the CFs are on this thread! ‘They’re your friends’ , ‘don’t be a penny pincher’ etc!

I recently went out with 30 friends and the wait staff came round with iPads, you each ordered and tapped your card for what you ordered. Splitting a bottle of wine? No problem, you tapped for half, third etc. Ok, it took longer to order but there was no cheekyfuckery. And also no faffing at the end. If you wanted to leave a tip you tapped your card again. I loved it. The only weird thing was that the end of the table were served their food before the other end had ordered. So might not suit large parties.

I think you need to just take the bull by horns and say something before your next night out that you don’t want to be penny pinching down to the last £ bit expecting non drinkers to sub others alcohol is not really fair.

I don’t drink and none of my friends or family would expect me to cover their booze costs

It funny to me that you think allowing your friend to subsidise your night out each time you meet is acceptable. None of that is the behaviour of someone who cares in my opinion.

Generosity goes both ways. It’s no good saying it all comes out in the wash over the course of a friendship because it doesn't if you’re the person that doesn’t drink alcohol. You spend a life time paying far more than your share

Six people splitting one bottle of wine? Now that is tight

This.

Get your drink at the bar, and just say ‘I’m a bit skint, so can we put the alcohol on a separate bill or shall we just pay for ourselves tonight?’

Do you think you can prime the other non-drinking friend so she promptly jumps in to agree with you?

Suggest that because not all of you drink, that you continue splitting the food bill, but all pay for your drinks separately. (Or, more convolutedly, split the drinks bill with those who order alcohol, allowing soft drinks to go on the shared food bill.)

I would never expect someone who didn’t drink alcohol to split the bill equally. I’d always chuck in extra and make their amount lower.

It’s the same ‘occasion’ that your friends are getting but they’re being subsidised for it while you’re paying extra. If an ‘occasion’ costs extra and you should be happy to pay more just for the company, why does that not apply to everyone?

Take cash and when you leave first just pop the cash down on the table. “Here’s £20/30/£35 to cover my meal, coke and a tip. See you all next time it’s been lovely!”
then swan off comfortable in the knowledge you’ve covered yourself and they can fight it out amongst themselves.

maybe let the other ‘subsidiser’ know you plan to bring cash so they can do the same

Not penny pinching id she's paying over double for what she has every time they go out. It's a bit different to worrying about a pound or 2

Splitting the bill equally only works if either, everyone has roughly the same each time OR, people take it in turns to drink/have more lavish meals.

If its the same people every time, having loads of expensive courses and drinks, and the same people every time subsidising it whilst having cheaper courses/no drinks.. that's really not on.

I pay for what I have, and chip in for the tip. I do not see people often enough to split the bill and 'it'll all even out in the end' as my friends are scattered around the country and we don't go out in big groups. We're all on low incomes too, and none of us are big drinkers.